Unschooling College: "I did it my way"

I was asked for an update on how Chen is handling college. Short answer--it's working out beautifully.

However, she is definitely not doing the typical college route. 

First of all, psychoeducational testing was absolutely VITAL. As you know, we did not pursue testing until age 16 when Chen wanted extra time to take the ACTs to get into college. (As we will do in the future for E, if he wants to go that route.) Chen gets double time for tests (which she needs), class notes, breaks, and calculator use. She may have some other accommodations, too. Testing needed to be done within 3 years of college admission to be current.

Because of her learning differences, she only goes part time (though last semester she ended up being full time). Reading is still difficult for her (I still on occasion read her assignments aloud to her but she can often find peers in college to do it or go to the office hours and the Professor is happy to help). She's great at class discussions and has difficulty with tests. And she has trouble in the sense that she tends to run out of steam emotionally at the same point a little more than halfway through every semester. So she has to work with her rhythms and abilities and still keep up with the work enough to pass. She started with 2 classes a semester, then moved up to taking 3 classes, but for her the real value of college is turning out to be...

INTERNSHIPS.

Yup, that's right. This kinesthetic learner is hands-on learning her way through college. She's getting internships because she is in college. And she's learning a lot.

In the beginning she just chose classes that looked interesting to her and that fit into her schedule, being clustered together with rest days in between. Then she joined the Honors business minor, which was a very valuable experience. And she found a field she's suited to and began pursuing internships in that field. She worked for free, for a very small stipend, and for credit. Within a few semesters, she had the experience and ability to get a great summer internship for pay.  

She got a lot of advice from reddit, where she asked questions and got helpful answers with useful suggestions and information that she implemented. They told her what certifications to pursue and to find internships and how to find internships. A lot of opportunities were available to her through college.

So when you look at college not as something to get a degree with, not something to be done "full time," but as an amazing place with lots of fun and exciting people (peers and professors) and lots of interesting offerings intellectually and experientially, and lots of unusual classes to explore and clubs and trips and opportunities, then it has great things to offer even a student who does not fit the mold. 

Time To Make ADHD Official

 I haven't been writing so much because as the boys get older, I'm becoming more aware of their privacy. I asked E his opinion about writing about this next step and he gave permission. 

Now that he's bar mitzva, he's been struggling to learn the davening (the entire year leading up to his bar mitzva was nowhere near enough time). The good news is that he doesn't feel like he's struggling. He just dislikes it and we don't do it much and it goes slowly. We do it 4x a week for under 5 minutes at a time. As I mentioned, this teeny amount of sitting results in that he doesn't have the bandwidth for mishna anymore.

I've really been unsure how to proceed. Is it the time to unschool and let him decide when to do it? I've always thought that eventually a child would be motivated and then it would come quickly. It seems to me there is a learning disability here, it's blocking motivation, and even if he is motivated, there will be no learning quickly.

At the same time, he does love to think and to learn, and the more I push and impose, the less energy, inclination and motivation he has for true and real-to-him learning.

On the other hand, this may be the kind of thing that when he grows up, he'll say to me, "Ma, I wish you would have pushed me a little more. Then I would know how to daven." <--That's something that usually unschoolers fret about and experienced unschoolers say is not a worry. Because a feature of unschooling is the confidence and experience that when you want to learn something, then you figure out how to learn it or you get help.

And yet, something is telling me that he's ready. He's ready for some nudging. And if this is not hard core unschooling, well, he's my oldest son and sometimes I'm just not deschooled enough and don't trust enough and maybe Torah is too important and maybe I'll relax after him and look back and say "I was too pushy and I could have had the trust and confidence to let it go."

I was walking with him on the beach and asking him what he likes to do and he said he'd like to learn coding but he thinks he's lazy.

That was kind of a shock because I don't believe that laziness actually exists. If a person wants to do something, they figure it out. If they don't do it, there are reasons. Conflicts. Difficulties. 

I asked him if he knows what neurodiversity means. He didn't. I explained that some people's brains work differently than most of the population. I said I'm not sure, but his might. That may be why he doesn't like to do certain types of work. Because it hurts his brain. That may not be the case, and if so we'll have to figure out how he can do learning that he wants but also doesn't want to do, if he chooses. But it's worth checking out if his brain is neurodiverse. He agreed.

I then looked into testing. The place we used for his older sibling is closed for covid now. And I also read that for special ed services in college (which Chen is making great use of and having a FANTASTIC college experience so far bh) he'll need to have been tested within 3 years of 18. So I'll hold off a few more years. In the meantime, though, I do think it's time to pursue the ADHD diagnosis to see if him having access to medication affects his ability to concentrate and do the type of learning he's interested in doing. Then we can test in a few years to see if he has any other learning disabilities.

college

I'm a member of an unschooling group, and they were discussing what makes someone an experienced unschooler.  Among disqualifications:

• your kids are young
• you unschool "except" a subject
• valuing one type of learning over another

And then the line that hit me between the eyes: If you are not worried about what your 18 year old will do with their life, you are experienced.

Ha! That's right where I am right now.  (Except I am worried, and I'm not experienced.)

So I've been "deschooling," which means working to get out of the schooly mindset.

Among the schooly mindset:

• college is vital to get a good job in life
• college must be done at age 18 (or after the year in israel/gap year)
• college must be done full time

Chen has a confluence of personality quirks and learning disabilities (or neurodivergences, as makes more sense to me) which led us to unschooling.  

She's been saying that she wants to take a gap year before college.  Why?  Because she doesn't learn well via lecture, or reading, or auditory listening.  She learns best as an autodidact plus someone to ask one on one questions to.  That is not college.  And she'd like a year off to...drumroll, please... learn what she wants to learn.

Yes, ladies and gentleman.  An unschooled child would like to take a year off to learn.  

She's spent the summer learning.  Math, science, art, business, who knows what else.  We went to the doctor to get a refill of her ADHD meds, and he said to come back when she knows her fall schedule so they can work out the dosage.  We said but wait, she's almost out of pills and what about the next two weeks of summer.  She's been studying for two to three hours a few times a week.  

He couldn't even comprehend that someone would be studying for no reason.  Not for college, not for high school requirements, just to learn.  (This is the same doctor who for years quizzed my children on things they did not know--math, history, etc.).

I always used to say that homeschoolers (kal v'chomer unschoolers) tend to play more when they are young and get more serious about studies when they are older.

Now I would say that playing is a form of learning.  And it often isn't until 11th and 12th grade (or even beyond) when they start learning the way society recognizes learning.  But they are always learning.

So I've been trying to settle down and mentally give Chen the space to take the next four years to continue her studies as she wishes.  Don't go to college?  Okay.  Take only one class?  Okay.  

I've been sitting with this for about four months and I'm a lot calmer now (though surely there is more to deschool) and it almost becomes difficult to understand why I was pressuring her.  Why, when she has always been very on point about recognizing her abilities and what was too much for her, would I not trust her now?  Why, when she has researched and found options and taught herself and requested testing and requested medication and found resources and asked for her needs, would I doubt her abilities and assessments at this point?

So I backed off and supported her.  If she wants to defer, let her defer.  I began to view college as an opportunity for her to explore interesting things.  They have a new program this year--QCin4: to help students stay on track so they graduate in four years.  

I applaud this program for neurotypical students and I'm glad the school is helping college students stay on track to graduate.  But that route is not for Chen.  Maybe in the future, if she wants it.  But right now, college has many wonderful classes and opportunities.  It's a chance to explore a range of subjects.  There are athletics, art and drawing (there is a class on writing and drawing manga!), writing, business, math, science.  History, anthropology.  Once I relaxed, I began to see how many interesting things there are in the framework of unschooling, as opposed to trying to get a degree.

I was curious to see what Chen would decide to do.  Once I got out of my own way and stopped worrying about her choices, I became much more relaxed.  Would she defer?  Maybe.  Would she take Bio?  Chem?  Calculus?  How would it be in college?  Would it work for her?  I am looking forward to seeing.

Yesterday was registration and although Chen was adamant about either deferring or taking only one class, the advisor was great and she is taking two classes and looking forward to them.  Pre-calc so she can stop seeking an online curriculum that will fill in her gaps and microeconomics so she can learn more about entrepreneurship.  They are 2 days a week, giving her recovery days.

She also made an appointment with student services to get extra testing time, and hopefully a copy of notes and breaks during tests.  They offer counseling to help students stay on top of studying and work organization.  Hopefully her accommodations will be in place after next week, which will be helpful in whatever she ends up doing in college.

Homeschooling neurodivergent kids is great because you can really give them the focused attention they need and tailor their education to their learning differences.  But it's a worry about whether or not they'll be able to get accommodations in college, if they haven't gone through the system and have alternate documentation.  I'll feel better once that's in place.

But the cool thing about unschooling is that it's not fraught.  If it doesn't work out, no big deal.  There's always another approach.  It's tremendous freedom.

Summer Update III: College

College.  First, Chen wants to defer.  She wants a semester to mentally prepare for going to college.  She wants to pre-learn Calculus so that she can understand the course and not drown while she takes the course.

I was resistant, and wanted her to take one course.  Drama.  Dance.  Once or twice a week.

She rightfully argued that it's about 2 hours to commute, plus time in the class.  That's twice a week that she loses 3.5 hours a day, which really loses her the whole day because she doesn't cram things into a day.

If it's stressful enough where she needs a day to recuperate, i.e. a day of doing nothing after an eventful day, then she loses 4 days.  So she really won't have time to learn Calculus.

Ironic, isn't it, that she wants to go to college so she can go to the Hillel and meet people (i.e. socialization) but it will interfere with her education?
She also said that she wants to take difficult classes so she can meet smart people.

I agree with her points.  However, I am concerned that for the first time, she won't be getting out of the house regularly and seeing people.  All of her friends from the local High School I work at will be in Israel for the year.  Her local friends will be in college and not available to hang out during the week or even much on weekends.  I don't think she realizes how socially isolated she'll be.

I brought that up and she agreed to give it some thought.

We have a few things left:

• Get that letter of Completion from the district.  Nobody is answering my calls or emails.  That may be because it is July and everyone is on vacation.  That may be because that's how it is.  Chen needs that for Queens College, so hopefully that will be compelling.  I'll have to keep calling.  That's on my mind.
• See if Chen can get accommodations in Queens College.  That will probably make a huge difference in both her attitude and also her actual ability to take classes there.  
• Either defer or register for one course.  Chen has been studying to take the test for online Bio 101 and she realized that maybe Bio with lab may also be a good choice for a first course.  I also think Chem with lab would be a good choice for her.
• She has to take a math exam for QC to see if she qualifies to take Calculus.  Exams make her nervous.  So she has to discuss what is involved with that and if she can get extra time for that.

Letting go

Jack doesn't seem all that enthused about learning Chumash.  I have to ask him every day.  And I am really not sure how much he's understanding conceptually.  It makes sense to me to stop for now unless he asks me to do it.  So I've decided to not ask him to learn anymore.  Of course I will learn with him if he asks to do it with me.

Chen finished up her bio course and is arranging a proctored test so she can get credit.  She just signed up for neurology from Coursera starting in a couple of days.

She is applying to college soon (not sure if she wants to go or not) and getting all the ducks in a row for college application is tricky.  I'm not sure everything will be ready in time.  I wanted her to apply next year instead, but she spent a lot of time on her essays this summer and doesn't want that to go to waste.  So I'm getting good practice in trying to stay calm and just do the parts that are up to me and not making myself crazy in the process.  I don't like to do things last minute, but Chen is more sanguine about that sort of thing than I am.  I'm doing my best to remain cheerful, positive, helpful, and follow up on all the paperwork that needs collecting.  If it gets done, great.  If not, not. 

The good news is that Chen is happily doing college level work now.  She has so many backup possibilities.  If we don't get her application in on time for the scholarship, she can still apply later not for scholarship.  She can apply next year for scholarship.  She can continue doing college work as she's doing now for a while.  She can apply to other types of training.  She is so young and there are so many opportunities and options.  I am curious to see how this all turns out.

STEM unschooling

K is on a roll.  Excited about her Psych course, that she started today.  Learning Python (told me she downloaded the software for it onto her computer and is going to work with a friend on it after dinner).  Thinking about which Bio course to take and then thinking that she might not have the time to take another hvcc course if she's talking Coursera's neuroscience course.  But since she has to finish Bio first (which would probably be in the fall) there is plenty of time to think about it.

Don't forget that all of my attempts at actually teaching her Math and Science in High School have been less than stellar successes.  She learns what calls her, and figures out a way that interests her.

I still have to register her for SAT/ACT.  Then I'm going to have to put together a transcript. 

She asked me to remind her when her Psych course started and asked me to buy the textbook today.  At thirteen (and fourteen) (and maybe fifteen) I kind of worried about her academic motivation.  Today she's on fire.

11th grade science

So K got an A in her college Russian course, and will be taking Psych this coming semester.  She wants to take neuroscience.  Bio is a prereq.  We have been doing Bio on and off over the years, and as she recounted what topics she learned already, I realized we had done a decent amount.  Not enough for neuro, though.  So I looked through some options online and sent her three possibilities of college level Bio that she can get through herself.  Coursera has a free neuro class that looks exactly like what she wants, but it suggests Bio first. I'm curious if she will actually get through an entire Bio course.  Or maybe she'll find the parts she like.  Or maybe she'll find the parts that she needs for neuro. 

When I think about college and the possibility that it will be very boring for K, I wonder if she might not be better off pursuing a more autodidactic approach to college.  She still has a few years to figure it out.  She is planning on taking SATs and ACTs this summer.  And probably applying to college in the fall.  But it makes sense to think about options other than college, since she loves learning and it would be a pity to not enjoy college-level learning.

Beginning of No School

Yesterday I finally filled out the paperwork for NYS and sent it in.  The 11th grade IHIP (individualized home instruction plan) was fairly simple--oddly, I find high school paperwork a lot easier than elementary school.  The boys all had previous year's paperwork that I could use except for 5th grade for Elazar.  I have done it 2x before with the girls, but apparently it was before things were in the cloud and so I had to make a new IHIP for him.  A tip that I use for Math and Language Arts is to google "5th grade curriculum" for the subject I want, and then copy the ones that are most likely to come up or that he already knows.
Excerpt from math:

- learn to choose, describe, and explain estimation strategies used to determine reasonableness of solutions to real-world problems.

- estimate quantities of objects to 1000 or more, justifying and explaining the reasoning for their estimates.

Examples from Language Arts:  

- Compare and contrast the varieties of English (e.g., dialects, registers) used in stories, dramas, or poems.

- Use context (e.g., cause/effect relationships and comparisons in text) as a clue to the meaning of a word or phrase.

- Use common, grade-appropriate Greek and Latin affixes and roots as clues to the meaning of a word (e.g., photograph, photosynthesis).

- Interpret figurative language, including similes and metaphors, in context.

- Recognize and explain the meaning of common idioms, adages, and proverbs.

- Use the relationship between particular words (e.g., synonyms, antonyms, homographs) to better understand each of the words.

Even though we unschool, Elazar is involved in these activities.  Mainly from youtube videos, which are pretty sophisticated and have introduced him to most of the above concepts.

Chana started college Russian.  Since she came home from Japan the day that class started and took a couple of days to recover, she only had about 3 days to do the first week's worth of work.  It was a bit overwhelming in addition to figuring out the online system but I think she got the hang of it.  She hasn't asked for any more help.  And yesterday she went to Gulliver's Gate Museum (#socialstudies) and there was Russian there and she was able to read it and look up some of it online.  So she's already happily using it.

I signed Jack up for engineering once a week and Jack and Aharon up for Science class once a week.  We also have parkour once a week.  Elazar adamantly refuses to go to science class (for the older grades there is more talking and sitting and less hands-on activity so I agree with him).  Chana started Gemara class 3x a week and has already asked me about Bahaaloscha and Dovid and Golyas in the last couple of days.  I also hope that she will continue her once a week math sessions with her friend.  The $200+ chemistry set that I bought at the beginning of the summer continues to be unopened.  I wonder if I should hire someone to do chemistry experiments once a month with her.  I'll ask her.

Aharon and I reviewed the aleph beis today and he only knows them in order.  When I pointed to them and asked him if he knew them, he doesn't know most of them.  He did not want to review nekudos and was not interested in learning more.  Aharon is somewhat unhappy socially.  This is not a new story and has been somewhat of an issue for years.  Because the boys are close in age, he doesn't have his "own" friends.  I would have sent him to preschool because of this except that he was a particularly aggressive toddler and I didn't want to send a biting and smacking preschooler to preschool.  Now that he has outgrown that, I did send him to camp this summer so that he could branch out on his own and make friends his own age.  But he wasn't happy in the second month.  And in fact, one of the boys in his bunk that he liked actually plays a lot with Elazar.  So I have to schedule separate playdates (because the boy only plays with Aharon if Elazar isn't there) and it often doesn't work out.  Elazar is extremely social and extremely proactive about making playdates.  So he often has already arranged a playdate before Aharon even thinks about playing.  So this is an ongoing issue that I am grappling with.  If I knew he would be happy, I would consider sending him to school.  But he was unhappy in camp.

I've been making some effort to daven out loud as many mornings as I can and sometimes I hear the boys humming the tunes.  

Overall, the boys are pretty proficient at English reading and doing basic math problems.  I want to learn with Elazar and start a daily seder with him but he is extremely uninclined.  As usual, I go back and forth between thinking I should just unschool and leave it all up to him.  And feeling concerned that I am not being mechanech him about how important Torah is by not doing it regularly when he is old enough.

Also, their playroom is utter chaos.  I think it's time to remove a lot of things that they aren't playing with anymore and revamp it.

That's my news.  Happy unschool!

starting the college options route

Since K has been reluctant to learn math in the "classic" way that math is taught, she's been learning once a week with her friend.  On the IHIP under Math I've been writing "Preparing for SAT/ACT."

I had assumed, if K wants to go to college, that she'll have either the SAT or ACT, and a certificate of completion from the NYC homeschooling office, and I would make a transcript and she would apply, possibly writing essays about alternative education theory.

My neighbor came in last night (I've often joked, when people ask about socialization, that if possible, you should recruit your neighbors to homeschool with you, so that the kids can run back and forth for playdates all day long) to tell me about all the research she did for her son (who is entering high school) to do online college at HVCC.  It's a community college and part of SUNY, and the credits are "real, live" college credits, i.e. they are transferable and 24 credits is high school equivalency.  Meaning after 24 credits, you can transfer to college.  No diploma, no SAT/ACT.  Just simple go to college.

So there is a rigamarole of forms that are pretty difficult to understand and get through. Ari and I hacked through some of them.  To get proof of residency involves traveling into Manhattan (#homeschooltrip!) to present ourselves etc etc.

After showing K the list of courses (and hoping for a science, or a math, or a history, or an English), she chose...Russian.  She would have chosen German if she could.  Or Japanese, obviously.  So this unschooler is currently spending a lot of time on Languages.  And more languages.  We'll see if we can get her registered in time to take the online course in the fall.  That will be getting her feet wet in college.

November Rain

It's one of those delightful homeschool days where it's raining outside and we are just pattering around the house.

Chana has switched things up in her schedule.  She was taking Mishlei 2x a week in the morning and although she was enjoying the class, waking up in the morning was excruciating.

I also had been a little concerned that she was spending the entire week recuperating, to the point where she had no energy to read the Stranger and no energy to learn Bio, despite the fact that questions keep coming up and the answers are in the Bio book, if only we would learn it!

She also missed Torah SheBaal Peh from last year.  That was amazing.  I specifically wanted her to get a feel for the halachic process and gain an appreciation for the complex system of halacha and that's not my area at all.  I am beyond thrilled that she got that from the class last year, and that she was missing it!

The school, as always, was incredibly wonderful and accommodating and agreed she should try it out.  She went yesterday and enjoyed it.  We'll see if the schedule change works for her.

Another change we made is that we've begun doing Bio at 10pm.  Pretty agonizing for me, as my brain turns off at 8 or so.  But I'm not as exhausted as I used to be (though Aharon is STILL on daylight savings time and waking up an hour early) and if I'm feeling awake at 10, I'll ask if she wants to learn, and 90% of the time she says yes.

And here's the kicker.  She literally has THREE times the attention span at 10pm.  She could only get through a paragraph before.  Now she can do a whole section.

She's given up on Teaching Textbooks for geometry.  It was clear, but slow and boring.  Her best friend tutors her once a week.  I have no idea how that is going.  I insisted that she take the PSATs (much to her annoyance) and I guess we'll see how she does.  She didn't have enough time to finish any of the sections and when she was tested by the state, they agreed she was slow but since she's working at grade level, she didn't get an IEP.  We have to decide if further testing is called for.  She also wants a specific calculator.  Not sure if it's even worth investing in that if she doesn't end up going to college/taking math.  It may be that going to community college first and then transferring is better for her.  It may be that she won't want to go go college right away or ever.  (As I'm thinking out loud here, I think it is a good idea to buy the calculator.  I already spent more than the calculator on Teaching Textbooks, and she wants it to take the ACTs, so it's probably worthwhile.)

The boys continue to bombard me all day long asking how to spell words.  They have been making videos and uploading them to youtube.  They've also been playing Draw Something.  So there have been a lot of things to read and write.

The house has also been getting pretty messy.  Since KonMari, I haven't needed to clean up so frequently.  The basement and their room keep getting messy as they make their videos and use all sorts of props.  And the floor keeps getting littered with paper scraps.  Even when they vacuum after themselves, they just don't clean or neaten up to what I like.  So after being spoiled for over a year with KonMari neatness, it has been a bit of an adjustment to clean up every day.  But it doesn't take that long.

Minecraft swords.  A bunch are taped together to make some of them 3D