No Vacation in Unschooling

Every once in a while, I realize that unschooling has made me see things really differently than most of society.  It crept upon me so gradually, I don't realize it until I end up hearing things that seem jarring.

People ask me how my summer is going.  They ask when we are starting school.  I say, No, we go year round.  No difference between summer and the rest of the year.  They commiserate with my poor kids.  This feels strange to me.

Jack asked me to sit in the back seat with him when we were driving home from my parents so that we can learn a perek of Chumash together.  He doesn't feel like learning is something he needs a break from.  When he wants to learn it, he asks me.  He doesn't feel like he's on "vacation" from learning or needs a break.  Learning is part of life.

In the middle of learning Chumash, Aharon interrupts us to ask for division problems.  Ari is giving Elazar math problems from the front seat.

The pediatrician and Chen were discussing her medication for college.  He said she should wait until she gets her schedule, then give him a call so they can discuss dosage and strategy.  I said, "But what is she supposed to do for the next two weeks?"  He said, "What are you talking about? College doesn't start for two more weeks."  I said, "But she's been learning calculus most days.  She needs some pills so she can do math."  He doesn't understand.  She graduated high school.  She's not in school yet.  Why is she learning Calc now?  For fun.

Who learns complicated math for fun during the summer?  The doctor is baffled.

The pediatrician also asks her what classes she is interested in for college.  "Chemistry," Chen says.  "Science major?" the doctor asks.  Chen shrugs.  "No, I just want to learn it."  Pediatrician frowns.  "Why would you take a hard science if you don't need it for your major?"  "It seems interesting," Chen says.  For many people, college is about finishing on time, requirements, a major.  For Chen it is about learning what her heart calls her to learn.

"Can you send me that perek where Moshe tells Hashem he gave birth to the Jews and nursed them like a baby?" Chen asks.  "I want to send the source to my friend."

"When can we do the blood type kit?" Jack begs me.  I bought it a couple of weeks ago but planned to wait until September.  He keeps asking me. 

I'm highlighting the "educational" stuff.  They don't distinguish between "educational" and "interesting" and "fun."  It's all the same to them.  I forget, until I see other people's attitudes, that there is a distinction in most people's lives.

Science Class, so to speak

Jack went through a k'nex phase last year where he really enjoyed building things from instructions so we got him a bunch of kits.  He spent hours building them.  He played with them a bit (and then didn't want to break them, hence they were at first hanging out in our guest room in the basement, and then had to be moved when we had guests and are duly stored in the storage room, gathering dust and spiders, but they are still fully built).

 

Now he built Elazar's birthday present.  Elazar got a science kit from my dad for his birthday and Jack spent the afternoon building it with his friend.  I didn't even know we had it in the house.  (PS #konmari is slowly falling apart, especially in the basement where their vision for the space is "we never have to clean it up.")  Then he asked me to check how much money he has in his account, so that he can buy another kit to build.

I checked it out online, and there are a bunch of cute science kits by this brand.  In the unschooling group I read, they make a big point about how when kids are interested in something, and we facilitate it, THAT is the curriculum.  Getting your kids video games when they want is their curriculum.  Getting them a netflix subscription is their curriculum.  Buying them all the lego sets they want that you can afford is their curriculum.

This is a little (a lot) different than my approach which is that my kids earn their electronics and many of their toys. 

I've mentioned before that studies show that being more strict vs. more permissive doesn't really make a significant difference in terms of parenting outcomes. (Too strict and too permissive does cause problems, and different ones from each other.)  So just like classical vs. eclectic styles of homeschooling have different details of outcomes but still both have positive outcomes, different styles of parenting likewise can all come out with happy, healthy children.  So I generally don't stress too much over whether it's better to foster joy and abundance or a stricter sense of responsibility, even though I do ponder the philosophical implications. (I do feel somewhat duty bound to point out that radical unschoolers maintain, and in my experience this is true, that a life of joy and abundance DOES end up with grateful and very responsible adults, and one does not need to impose responsibility on them but that the attitude of respect, concern, and paying attention to their needs ends up fostering caring and responsibility in them.  However, for the sake of this post, let's say that in my mind sometimes I feel like I'm choosing things so my children won't end up spoiled and so that they will have a sense of responsibility, and that although they go against radical unschooling principles, I still feel that it is a legitimate way to raise children.  Just as although I personally do not restrict media, I believe that restricting media is a legitimate parenting choice and can result in happy and healthy children.)

However, in this case, I was not feeling conflict.  Buying Jack a bunch of science electronic and circuitry kits is very definitely science.  And it's a legitimate allocation of curriculum funds. 

The very best thing about this is that I don't have to help him.  One of the big disappointments that I discovered about myself is that I hate science and art projects.  I had accept that I should no longer buy science project kits or science project books because I hate doing them.  I hated admitting that about myself, because I had an image of a crafty, science, project doing homeschool mom.  But that's not me.  So it is super exciting that all I have to do is hand Jack a pile of science kits and he's happily occupied and learning for hours.  With the neighbors--so it's also socialization ;) 

This is about as wonderful as when Chen wanted a $300 video editing software, and after downloading the free version for a month and her using all the time and assuring me she wanted it, we bought it for her.  Because it was basically signing her up for a video editing class except that she taught it to herself and we didn't have to carpool her anywhere.  Win-win!

unschooling and letting go of expectations

Elazar asked if he can explore the storage room.  I said sure. 

He found the human body toy and they played with that.

He just told me he found lots of little legos.

I went down and saw he found the physics "simple machine" lego kits I bought over a decade ago that I never used.

I told them that there are instructions and it's physics.  I'm in conflict--encourage them to use them in the way they were designed to be used?  Or take a chill, pill, and let them enjoy it how they want?

Knowing Elazar, he'd rather scavenge the parts that look good to him to use for whatever project he's doing.  But Jack likes following instructions.

Sure enough, Jack came down to play with the kit and Elazar came upstairs.

Next year

We've been trying to figure out next year for Chen.  Should she take another college course online?  She was thinking maybe she has the stamina for two courses next semester.

First she thought of taking Business Math.  It's 4 credits and will probably be easier.  She wanted to take an easier course because she really wants to take Bio as a prereq for neuroscience, which is what she really wants to take.  (Coursera has a neuroscience course that recommends Bio first.)

Then we discovered coding bootcamps, where you learn intensively for 3 months and then get a job.  We read up on the pros and cons of a degree in computer science vs bootcamp, and based on it being extremely practical, just a few months, and very little lecture to very high ratio of projects, it seems suited to Chen's nature.  In order to apply, they assign you things to learn.  So in order to plan to do that, Chen decided against Business Math and to focus on programming.  I sent her a bunch of links so it's in her hands. 

She has not enjoyed her gemara class as much as I had hoped she would.  The girls in the class were not motivated and spoke a lot, and there was not classroom management.  So I'm looking into getting her a tutor for next year.  She tried to learn with Ari at one point, and tried to attend a class.  The class didn't work out because her processing speed and method were not the same pace of the class.  Learning with Ari isn't as consistent as getting someone to come in and do it. 

I still wish we could learn more together.  But I have always wanted to learn more with my children than they want to learn with me.  I've had way more success just being available as a resource if they want to ask me questions.

Chen seems to be taking her future extremely seriously.  She'll be applying to college next year, but maybe this coding camp is a better option.  It will be interesting to see how this plays out.

I feel like at so many stages with my kids, I find myself saying, "It will be interesting to see how this plays out."  It's kind of a mindset of being open to however things go and being prepared to adjust to it.  It's about not having an agenda and cultivating an enjoyment of the ride of life and parenting and the many wondrous moments along the way. 

Murphy's Law

Two days ago I finally got sick of looking at the Bio book on the shelf and put it upstairs in storage with the other textbooks.

Today Chen asked about chloroplasts and wants to know about photosynthesis.  So I went upstairs and dragged the textbook back down.

STEM unschooling

K is on a roll.  Excited about her Psych course, that she started today.  Learning Python (told me she downloaded the software for it onto her computer and is going to work with a friend on it after dinner).  Thinking about which Bio course to take and then thinking that she might not have the time to take another hvcc course if she's talking Coursera's neuroscience course.  But since she has to finish Bio first (which would probably be in the fall) there is plenty of time to think about it.

Don't forget that all of my attempts at actually teaching her Math and Science in High School have been less than stellar successes.  She learns what calls her, and figures out a way that interests her.

I still have to register her for SAT/ACT.  Then I'm going to have to put together a transcript. 

She asked me to remind her when her Psych course started and asked me to buy the textbook today.  At thirteen (and fourteen) (and maybe fifteen) I kind of worried about her academic motivation.  Today she's on fire.

Beginning of No School

Yesterday I finally filled out the paperwork for NYS and sent it in.  The 11th grade IHIP (individualized home instruction plan) was fairly simple--oddly, I find high school paperwork a lot easier than elementary school.  The boys all had previous year's paperwork that I could use except for 5th grade for Elazar.  I have done it 2x before with the girls, but apparently it was before things were in the cloud and so I had to make a new IHIP for him.  A tip that I use for Math and Language Arts is to google "5th grade curriculum" for the subject I want, and then copy the ones that are most likely to come up or that he already knows.
Excerpt from math:

- learn to choose, describe, and explain estimation strategies used to determine reasonableness of solutions to real-world problems.

- estimate quantities of objects to 1000 or more, justifying and explaining the reasoning for their estimates.

Examples from Language Arts:  

- Compare and contrast the varieties of English (e.g., dialects, registers) used in stories, dramas, or poems.

- Use context (e.g., cause/effect relationships and comparisons in text) as a clue to the meaning of a word or phrase.

- Use common, grade-appropriate Greek and Latin affixes and roots as clues to the meaning of a word (e.g., photograph, photosynthesis).

- Interpret figurative language, including similes and metaphors, in context.

- Recognize and explain the meaning of common idioms, adages, and proverbs.

- Use the relationship between particular words (e.g., synonyms, antonyms, homographs) to better understand each of the words.

Even though we unschool, Elazar is involved in these activities.  Mainly from youtube videos, which are pretty sophisticated and have introduced him to most of the above concepts.

Chana started college Russian.  Since she came home from Japan the day that class started and took a couple of days to recover, she only had about 3 days to do the first week's worth of work.  It was a bit overwhelming in addition to figuring out the online system but I think she got the hang of it.  She hasn't asked for any more help.  And yesterday she went to Gulliver's Gate Museum (#socialstudies) and there was Russian there and she was able to read it and look up some of it online.  So she's already happily using it.

I signed Jack up for engineering once a week and Jack and Aharon up for Science class once a week.  We also have parkour once a week.  Elazar adamantly refuses to go to science class (for the older grades there is more talking and sitting and less hands-on activity so I agree with him).  Chana started Gemara class 3x a week and has already asked me about Bahaaloscha and Dovid and Golyas in the last couple of days.  I also hope that she will continue her once a week math sessions with her friend.  The $200+ chemistry set that I bought at the beginning of the summer continues to be unopened.  I wonder if I should hire someone to do chemistry experiments once a month with her.  I'll ask her.

Aharon and I reviewed the aleph beis today and he only knows them in order.  When I pointed to them and asked him if he knew them, he doesn't know most of them.  He did not want to review nekudos and was not interested in learning more.  Aharon is somewhat unhappy socially.  This is not a new story and has been somewhat of an issue for years.  Because the boys are close in age, he doesn't have his "own" friends.  I would have sent him to preschool because of this except that he was a particularly aggressive toddler and I didn't want to send a biting and smacking preschooler to preschool.  Now that he has outgrown that, I did send him to camp this summer so that he could branch out on his own and make friends his own age.  But he wasn't happy in the second month.  And in fact, one of the boys in his bunk that he liked actually plays a lot with Elazar.  So I have to schedule separate playdates (because the boy only plays with Aharon if Elazar isn't there) and it often doesn't work out.  Elazar is extremely social and extremely proactive about making playdates.  So he often has already arranged a playdate before Aharon even thinks about playing.  So this is an ongoing issue that I am grappling with.  If I knew he would be happy, I would consider sending him to school.  But he was unhappy in camp.

I've been making some effort to daven out loud as many mornings as I can and sometimes I hear the boys humming the tunes.  

Overall, the boys are pretty proficient at English reading and doing basic math problems.  I want to learn with Elazar and start a daily seder with him but he is extremely uninclined.  As usual, I go back and forth between thinking I should just unschool and leave it all up to him.  And feeling concerned that I am not being mechanech him about how important Torah is by not doing it regularly when he is old enough.

Also, their playroom is utter chaos.  I think it's time to remove a lot of things that they aren't playing with anymore and revamp it.

That's my news.  Happy unschool!

How 11th Grade Unschooler comes to learn Earth Science

It all started with the Office.  I looked for a clip of the scene but only found a picture:

Kiisu (going by her Japanese name these days because of her great love of Japan) was enjoying the scene but didn't understand the subtleties of this joke.  She decided she wanted to have a better grasp of clouds.  She then spent about half an hour researching clouds, how they are formed, what the different clouds mean and what conditions cause them.  She then discussed this with people online, telling them about what she learned and answering their questions, which led her to more research.

This is probably more efficient than classroom learning because it's very targeted and she will probably remember it better, since it emerged from her desire to know it.

She said to me, "I know you asked me to jot down when I do things like that, but it's pretty impossible because this happens all the time.  I don't even notice when I'm doing it."

That's because for unschoolers, learning and life are not two separate activities.  They don't try to avoid learning or have negative associations with learning because they generally don't learn what they don't want to.  The only reason I even became aware that Kiisu had studied some Earth Science topics is because we were walking on the beach and it started raining and she began pointing out all of the different types of clouds.

unschooling summer 2017

It's been a while since I posted.  I guess unschooling is doing its deep work.  (That's code word for I can't think of anything we've been doing that resembles classic schoolwork.)  Chana introduced Elazar (and therefore Jack) to Animal Crossing, which is an amazing game with a small town.  You build a house, you make money, you speak to the villagers.  Their talk sounds like mumbling and you have to read everything, and you write letters and respond to them, so they are using literacy.  I am still asked to help with spelling numerous times a day and Chana asks me lots of history questions and philosophy and literature and vocabulary and science.  (Oh, yeah.  I'm supposed to look up the causes of and the end of the great depression.  I already sent her an article explaining how scientists discovered that electrons behave differently when they are being observed vs. not being observed.)

Aharon (age 6) is in camp and enjoying parsha and davening.  He wants me to daven with him, but then I don't do it exactly like he does in camp and he screams.  He came home from camp with kriah sheets that are Hebrew letters saying English sentences, which is a cute idea.  I'm torn about it.  On one hand, it helps the children with reading comprehension and is fun to figure out.  On the other hand, I'm a purist and feel like it's better to read Hebrew words in Hebrew and get a sense of the language that way.  (I'm such a homeschooler--I have an opinion on the minutiae of education even when I don't even use either of those approaches with my own children.)  I put the sheets on the fridge with a magnet in case any of the boys wants to play with them.

Chana and I have made no progress in the expensive chemistry set I bought her.  I did go so far as to send her a list of experiments, of which she chose one, and then I read the lab on it.  Since we haven't opened the box, I don't know what the items or, what they look like, how to use them, etc.  If you know me, you know I hate science experiments and I finally had to embrace that part of my homeschooling personality and admit science experiments are not my bag.  And having an expensive chemistry set is like upping my game at admitting I hate doing science experiments.

We are reading Pride & Prejudice together.  She reads it out loud to me in a British accent and her Mr. Collins has me convulsing with laughter.  It's everything I dreamed about High School Literature: actually reading the book, discussing it as we go: character, plot, themes, turns of phrase, foreshadowing, symbolism.  And enjoying the book.

And we take long walks on the beach together.  I'm really focusing on not having any agenda for our time together.  The teenage years are extraordinarily tricky.  I feel like in a lot of ways I spent ages 12-15 putting out fires and worrying excessively about "issues" and wanting her to "understand" things and desperately hoping to impart my wisdom to her.  I'm carefully refraining from that now.  I just want us to enjoy spending time together.  I read Parent/Teen Breakthrough: the Relationship Approach last year and it said that things are really extremely simple: In each interaction, ask myself if my behavior/reaction will improve my relationship with my teenager or deteriorate my relationship with my teenager.

And in all the things I worry about her being able to handle and manage?  If it affects me, bring it up (in a way that will not deteriorate our relationship, of course).  And if it doesn't affect me, it's none of my business.  The entire rest of the book was to explain how to do this, because honestly, some of it sounded like a foreign language to me.  Sof kol sof, it is the most useful and wisest book on raising teenagers I've read so far.

I've mostly given up trying to convince Chana to learn Bio with me.  It's like every unschooling move I've made over the years.  Why do I keep going more and more towards unschooling?  Because Chana told me, over and over, in all sorts of different ways, that she doesn't like to learn that way.  She told me that she doesn't like to sit down and read from a textbook.  She does LOVE when something catches her attention and then she hunts down information about it and videos that show and explain it.  And then talking about it and explaining to to people, and then researching their questions and finding answers, and talking to more people about it.  That is a dynamic and organic and interactive and social way of learning.  And it feels completely different and more exciting and more relevant than learning from a text.

In the same way, she learned to read by wrestling with texts she was interested in reading.  Or learned bits of math because they caught her attention (probably her most favorite homeschooling lesson ever was when her father taught her binary one Friday night ad hoc during family snuggle.  And one of the oddest math things she ever did was teach herself how to divide polynomials at 3am to help some stranger online with math homework).  And how she delves deeply into philosophy and Social Studies because of conversations she has with people. I now have to trust that when different things in Science catch her attention, she will pursue them.

All that was supposed to be a short introduction to what I came here to write today!  I got distracted talking about unschooling high school.

Figuring out summer plans

Chana's schedule was a bit much for her this year, and she's looking forward to a quieter summer.  We discussed whether or not she would want to spend some more time on her math (studying for ACTs), and if she would focus more on the Bio book that she enjoys but often isn't in the mood to do.

She said she'd really like to focus more heavily on Chemistry.  I came across this blog post and requested the All Lab, No Lecture book on Chemistry (perfect for a kinesthetic learner, I hope) and here is the kit that goes along with it, that I haven't purchased.  I also requested The Disappearing Spoon from the library.

We'll see if she ends up pursuing this.  If she reads the beginning of the lab book and wants the chemistry kit, we'll do that.

Gotta Make Some Choices

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is finished.  Fantastic book.  We need a new one!  Great Brain and Rats of Nimh were unsuccessful.  No idea what to read next.  Help!!

And we skipped the rest of cellular respiration AND photosynthesis and moved on to cellular division.  That seems to be working.

Also, I downloaded The Evolution of Physics by Albert Einstein and we read the intro.  Looks like one of those things that in theory we might read, but in practice we might end up reading only a sampling of.

Unschooling and Science

Homeschoolers are supposed to be great at science.  We can do hands on experiments.  Great fun.  Kinesthetic learning.

Guess what.  I hate experiments.  The "simple" experiments always have ingredients (like glycerin) that I have to leave the house to get.  Science experiments always induce a slight feeling of guilt and overwhelmedness in me.

We did Mad Science when Sarah was young and it was incredible (though we got a simple experiment to try at home and I never did them, and they lingered reproachfully around the house for months until I would throw them out with a mixture of bravado and regret).  Chana never really enjoyed science trips and was always resistant to any I tried to bring her to.

The funny thing is how much she's enjoying science now.  She loved Chemistry, she is loving the AP Biology book, and she wants to know when we can learn Physics.  It's really amazing how her mind is just exploding with intellectual curiosity--and in the realm of science!  I never would have thought.

So many times when I worried about how much she disliked it and I didn't push it because she disliked it so much and I would tell myself that not everybody has to be good in science or learn science.  I so wanted her to understand the scientific principles that we use to understand the laws of nature and the world around us.  But she wasn't interested.

And now she is!