Learning Shemona Esrei

 E is a year post bar mitzva and he's been learning shemona esrei on his own time. That means that when he is fluent with a bracha, he moves on to the next bracha. On the regular day shemona esrei he is up to birkas haminim. 

He wants a phone because he's getting to the age where people are exchanging phone numbers and he can't keep up with them without a number. I said earn it by learning weekday, shabbos shacharis and mincha shemona esrei, yomtov shacharis and mincha shemona esrei, and shabbos musaf shemona esrei. He said no thank you.

I said right now we are working on your reading 3x a week for 4 minutes a time. How about we work on shemona esrei. And how about making it 8 minutes. He agreed.

Right now it takes him 8 minutes to read from V'lamalshinim to Modim.

He said he's tempted to take medication and learn how to read it all in a couple of months. I said if he wants to, that's an option.

He said Nah.

Unschooling College: "I did it my way"

I was asked for an update on how Chen is handling college. Short answer--it's working out beautifully.

However, she is definitely not doing the typical college route. 

First of all, psychoeducational testing was absolutely VITAL. As you know, we did not pursue testing until age 16 when Chen wanted extra time to take the ACTs to get into college. (As we will do in the future for E, if he wants to go that route.) Chen gets double time for tests (which she needs), class notes, breaks, and calculator use. She may have some other accommodations, too. Testing needed to be done within 3 years of college admission to be current.

Because of her learning differences, she only goes part time (though last semester she ended up being full time). Reading is still difficult for her (I still on occasion read her assignments aloud to her but she can often find peers in college to do it or go to the office hours and the Professor is happy to help). She's great at class discussions and has difficulty with tests. And she has trouble in the sense that she tends to run out of steam emotionally at the same point a little more than halfway through every semester. So she has to work with her rhythms and abilities and still keep up with the work enough to pass. She started with 2 classes a semester, then moved up to taking 3 classes, but for her the real value of college is turning out to be...

INTERNSHIPS.

Yup, that's right. This kinesthetic learner is hands-on learning her way through college. She's getting internships because she is in college. And she's learning a lot.

In the beginning she just chose classes that looked interesting to her and that fit into her schedule, being clustered together with rest days in between. Then she joined the Honors business minor, which was a very valuable experience. And she found a field she's suited to and began pursuing internships in that field. She worked for free, for a very small stipend, and for credit. Within a few semesters, she had the experience and ability to get a great summer internship for pay.  

She got a lot of advice from reddit, where she asked questions and got helpful answers with useful suggestions and information that she implemented. They told her what certifications to pursue and to find internships and how to find internships. A lot of opportunities were available to her through college.

So when you look at college not as something to get a degree with, not something to be done "full time," but as an amazing place with lots of fun and exciting people (peers and professors) and lots of interesting offerings intellectually and experientially, and lots of unusual classes to explore and clubs and trips and opportunities, then it has great things to offer even a student who does not fit the mold. 

Update ADHD

E's been on a low dose of immediate release medication for 2 weeks. No negative side effects. The change in his ability to focus is remarkable. Instead of running out of steam after 2 lines of Hebrew reading, he can read the entire bentching and most of Ashrei. His reading ability has improved. His ability to keep the information in his head is remarkably improved. He's able to get through more of shemona esrei. 

After 2 weeks, we were going to tell the doctor that he will take it only "as needed" (which is really "as wanted" in unschool). The neurologist wants him on it another 2 weeks to make sure there are no negative side effects. 

After that, the plan is that E can choose if he wants to take it or not. The idea was mainly for him to see that his brain works differently on medication and he has no need to feel like he's lazy because he has trouble focusing. If he wants to do complicated math or science or gemara in the future, he has this tool in his toolbox.

I'm going to do as much Hebrew reading as he's up for while he's on medication this month. He hasn't been taking it on Shabbos and he said he is still able to read better now that his reading has improved. (He can't read as long or as much, but his reading ability has improved and he can read more than 2 lines now, even unmedicated.) 

Within 3 years of college, we'll aim for psychoeducational testing so that if there is a learning disability he can get student services in college. (But at this juncture it's looking to me like it's just a focus issue.)

E says ADHD is not a big deal in his life right now so he doesn't need or want medication.

A negative effect

A negative side effect of Elazar reluctantly practicing reading is that he no longer likes to do Mishna.  He feels "overloaded" from the 5-10 minutes.  (I've actually skipped learning the meaning of his parsha with him this week [which I'd been doing 2x a week, reading out loud to him and translating 3 or so pesukim] since he's been so unhappy and complaining about learning.)

This is a feature that his older sister had, too.  I wonder if it's an aspect of ADHD that they run out of steam so quickly learning things that are difficult for their brains and need the rest of the day or actual days or weeks to recover.  Her motivation and determination improved with age (and medication) but the mental exhaustion remains about the same.

on learning disabilities, processing issues, and motivation

A long time ago I read an interesting study that kids can read (comprehend as in "reading comprehension") on a higher level if they are interested in the topic.  Meaning if you have a story on the child's ostensible "reading level" you think that it is pretty objective.  How complicated are the sentences, how many unfamiliar words do they have to get from context, etc.

But they found that let's say, a kid who can't read his 3rd grade reader can actually hack his way through something much more advanced if it's about airplanes and he loves airplanes. 

This fascinated me because there isn't a direct correlation to "reading ablility."  It has to do with motivation.  Motivation actually makes the brain work differently.  And better.

In a sense, unschooling follows this path and kids read what they want and never think about "reading ability" and "reading level."  They try to read what they are interested in, and ask someone to read it to them if they have difficulty.

As I've spoken about, one of my kids has a learning disability where they have to read things up to seven times in order to comprehend it.  And tends to gravitate towards gaining information in ways other than reading as a result.

But I just realized I didn't think twice about sending this neuropsychological analysis of aphantasia: 

 "Their self-reported selective inability to vividly recollect personally experienced events from a first-person perspective was corroborated by absence of functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) and event-related potential (ERP) biomarkers associated with naturalistic and laboratory episodic recollection, as well as by behavioral evidence of impaired episodic retrieval, particularly for visual information. Yet learning and memory were otherwise intact, as long as these tasks could be accomplished by non-episodic processes. Thus these individuals function normally in day-to-day life, even though their past is experienced in the absence of recollection."

Because I knew she'd be interested and be able to understand it.

college

I'm a member of an unschooling group, and they were discussing what makes someone an experienced unschooler.  Among disqualifications:

• your kids are young
• you unschool "except" a subject
• valuing one type of learning over another

And then the line that hit me between the eyes: If you are not worried about what your 18 year old will do with their life, you are experienced.

Ha! That's right where I am right now.  (Except I am worried, and I'm not experienced.)

So I've been "deschooling," which means working to get out of the schooly mindset.

Among the schooly mindset:

• college is vital to get a good job in life
• college must be done at age 18 (or after the year in israel/gap year)
• college must be done full time

Chen has a confluence of personality quirks and learning disabilities (or neurodivergences, as makes more sense to me) which led us to unschooling.  

She's been saying that she wants to take a gap year before college.  Why?  Because she doesn't learn well via lecture, or reading, or auditory listening.  She learns best as an autodidact plus someone to ask one on one questions to.  That is not college.  And she'd like a year off to...drumroll, please... learn what she wants to learn.

Yes, ladies and gentleman.  An unschooled child would like to take a year off to learn.  

She's spent the summer learning.  Math, science, art, business, who knows what else.  We went to the doctor to get a refill of her ADHD meds, and he said to come back when she knows her fall schedule so they can work out the dosage.  We said but wait, she's almost out of pills and what about the next two weeks of summer.  She's been studying for two to three hours a few times a week.  

He couldn't even comprehend that someone would be studying for no reason.  Not for college, not for high school requirements, just to learn.  (This is the same doctor who for years quizzed my children on things they did not know--math, history, etc.).

I always used to say that homeschoolers (kal v'chomer unschoolers) tend to play more when they are young and get more serious about studies when they are older.

Now I would say that playing is a form of learning.  And it often isn't until 11th and 12th grade (or even beyond) when they start learning the way society recognizes learning.  But they are always learning.

So I've been trying to settle down and mentally give Chen the space to take the next four years to continue her studies as she wishes.  Don't go to college?  Okay.  Take only one class?  Okay.  

I've been sitting with this for about four months and I'm a lot calmer now (though surely there is more to deschool) and it almost becomes difficult to understand why I was pressuring her.  Why, when she has always been very on point about recognizing her abilities and what was too much for her, would I not trust her now?  Why, when she has researched and found options and taught herself and requested testing and requested medication and found resources and asked for her needs, would I doubt her abilities and assessments at this point?

So I backed off and supported her.  If she wants to defer, let her defer.  I began to view college as an opportunity for her to explore interesting things.  They have a new program this year--QCin4: to help students stay on track so they graduate in four years.  

I applaud this program for neurotypical students and I'm glad the school is helping college students stay on track to graduate.  But that route is not for Chen.  Maybe in the future, if she wants it.  But right now, college has many wonderful classes and opportunities.  It's a chance to explore a range of subjects.  There are athletics, art and drawing (there is a class on writing and drawing manga!), writing, business, math, science.  History, anthropology.  Once I relaxed, I began to see how many interesting things there are in the framework of unschooling, as opposed to trying to get a degree.

I was curious to see what Chen would decide to do.  Once I got out of my own way and stopped worrying about her choices, I became much more relaxed.  Would she defer?  Maybe.  Would she take Bio?  Chem?  Calculus?  How would it be in college?  Would it work for her?  I am looking forward to seeing.

Yesterday was registration and although Chen was adamant about either deferring or taking only one class, the advisor was great and she is taking two classes and looking forward to them.  Pre-calc so she can stop seeking an online curriculum that will fill in her gaps and microeconomics so she can learn more about entrepreneurship.  They are 2 days a week, giving her recovery days.

She also made an appointment with student services to get extra testing time, and hopefully a copy of notes and breaks during tests.  They offer counseling to help students stay on top of studying and work organization.  Hopefully her accommodations will be in place after next week, which will be helpful in whatever she ends up doing in college.

Homeschooling neurodivergent kids is great because you can really give them the focused attention they need and tailor their education to their learning differences.  But it's a worry about whether or not they'll be able to get accommodations in college, if they haven't gone through the system and have alternate documentation.  I'll feel better once that's in place.

But the cool thing about unschooling is that it's not fraught.  If it doesn't work out, no big deal.  There's always another approach.  It's tremendous freedom.

Summer Update III: College

College.  First, Chen wants to defer.  She wants a semester to mentally prepare for going to college.  She wants to pre-learn Calculus so that she can understand the course and not drown while she takes the course.

I was resistant, and wanted her to take one course.  Drama.  Dance.  Once or twice a week.

She rightfully argued that it's about 2 hours to commute, plus time in the class.  That's twice a week that she loses 3.5 hours a day, which really loses her the whole day because she doesn't cram things into a day.

If it's stressful enough where she needs a day to recuperate, i.e. a day of doing nothing after an eventful day, then she loses 4 days.  So she really won't have time to learn Calculus.

Ironic, isn't it, that she wants to go to college so she can go to the Hillel and meet people (i.e. socialization) but it will interfere with her education?
She also said that she wants to take difficult classes so she can meet smart people.

I agree with her points.  However, I am concerned that for the first time, she won't be getting out of the house regularly and seeing people.  All of her friends from the local High School I work at will be in Israel for the year.  Her local friends will be in college and not available to hang out during the week or even much on weekends.  I don't think she realizes how socially isolated she'll be.

I brought that up and she agreed to give it some thought.

We have a few things left:

• Get that letter of Completion from the district.  Nobody is answering my calls or emails.  That may be because it is July and everyone is on vacation.  That may be because that's how it is.  Chen needs that for Queens College, so hopefully that will be compelling.  I'll have to keep calling.  That's on my mind.
• See if Chen can get accommodations in Queens College.  That will probably make a huge difference in both her attitude and also her actual ability to take classes there.  
• Either defer or register for one course.  Chen has been studying to take the test for online Bio 101 and she realized that maybe Bio with lab may also be a good choice for a first course.  I also think Chem with lab would be a good choice for her.
• She has to take a math exam for QC to see if she qualifies to take Calculus.  Exams make her nervous.  So she has to discuss what is involved with that and if she can get extra time for that.

To Do or Not to Do, That is the Question

In May, Chen (grade 12) got a psychoeducational evaluation.  She was diagnosed with severe ADHD.  She has some type of difficulty processing, but she can read letters and words easily.  It is only when they combine to sentences and paragraphs that she has trouble processing what she is reading.

She began medication, which helps tremendously on focus (she went from being able to focus for 15 minutes to being able to focus for 1.5 hours).  However, much to her disappointment, it did not help with her processing difficulties.  She still has to read things many times in order to understand.

I went back and forth with the evaluator, and she explained that this type of processing is a subcategory of ADHD.  It's not a separate processing disorder.  She said they are thinking of making it its own DSM disorder, but thus far have not done so.

In the meantime, last year, I had read about a woman who had designed a whole bunch of brain exercises involving a 16 hour clock and had trained her brain with neuroplasticity to be able to do things where before she had a learning disability.  I recalled this and wondered if Chen's brain could be retrained.  I looked in vain for that article or talk, but was unable to find it.

By coincidence, somebody posted a list of nonfiction books, and one of them was Brain That Changes Itself.  In it was the story of this woman!  It also discussed different neuroplasticity programs.  One is in Canada and another in Australia.  Then in another chapter, it discussed a program called Fast ForWord.  It is very expensive--over $2000.  It is considered a grueling program.  It claims to do brain exercises that will improve processing.  It is a 6 month program for 50-90 minutes a day.

After looking more closely, the main issues they help with are Auditory Processing Disorder, Dyslexia, Autism, and ADHD.  Chen only has ADHD.  But it may be that her particular issues are not what this program addresses.  Chen's Working Memory is average on her neuropsych eval.  This program strengthens Working Memory and auditory processing.  So will this program help?  If her Working Memory was abnormally low, then this program would certainly be suited.  But in this case...Her processing disorder is not a standard processing disorder.

She did the assessment and I spoke to them, and they said that if she hadn't been tested and found that her Working Memory is decent, they would have said that this program will certainly help.  However, knowing from testing that her processing issues are not exactly what this program does, they can't say it will be helpful.  So it is kind of a risk.

On the other hand, the thought that she might be able to read without re-reading and re-reading and growing mentally exhausted is just a wondrous thought.  Is it worth the gamble?

Here are some testimonials.

I am inclined to invest the money in the hope that she could train her brain to process reading more easily.  At the same time, I wonder if I am just one of those desperate people who will pay for hope and ultimately be paying for something that doesn't work.

If anyone has any experience or feedback for me, please reach out to help me make this decision!