sometimes i don't want to do it

yesterday we did toldos and i ended up reading and translating a lot of yitzchak's life with avimelech.  chana remembered a lot of most of the stories otherwise. 

today we did vayetze and chana said wistfully that yesterday when i read and translated most of it, it was so nice.  we were back to me picking out a pasuk or so per page to get the main idea and her translating it.  we also went through all the shevatim, which was nice because chana had them in context from the brachos, so as she read them, she remembered a lot of the brachos "yehuda was the best" "hey, levi is older than yehuda?" "dan is the snake" "naftali the poet" "zevulun lived by the sea."

she got a little cranky about the couple of rashis we did, confirming that incorporating rashi into chazara is going to have to be a separate session.  i had her read a long rashi just in hebrew and see if she knew what it was about.  she got all the way til the end and recognized the last word and then remembered which rashi it was.  ("who would want to sleep on a rock, anyways?")

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just an aside, i went out with the kids yesterday so we didn't do chumash in the morning.  after i get home from going out, there is always about an hour of crying and screaming as all the various needs get juggled and taken care of (mostly feeding and naps and adjusting to being off schedule).  that ran into witching hour (6-9) dinner/bedtime, and we still hadn't gotten to chumash.  after the littles are in bed, i'd love to just sit and veg.  but that's chana and sarah's time.  time for me to hear what's going on in sarah's life, and time for me to work with chana a little more and then to see what projects she's working on.  in the midst of this i ran out for a little walk in the drizzle.  and i was thinking, "when i get back, i have to do chumash with chana."  "i don't waaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i don't wanna i don't wanna i don't waaaaannnaa"  "what if we just don't do chumash today?" "how is chana supposed to like chumash when i DREAD doing it"

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by the way, chumash ended up being perfectly fine and lovely.  and whenever i have those thoughts, i ALWAYS seriously entertain the possibility of just dropping it.  just don't do it.  don't do it today.  don't do it now. don't do it at all.  but definitely how about not doing it today. 

just allowing myself that breathing room makes me feel better.  after all, one of the loveliest things about homeschool is that i don't have to do anything.  we can just take off whenever we want.  we can play all day.  we can relax.  we can decide to let things go.

once i remember that, i always feel better.  and sometimes i do it and sometimes i don't.