#goals

I've been davening about Elazar's chinuch and one thing is becoming clear to me.  When my fears and hopes are clarified via my prayers, I'm not hoping for things to get done on a deadline (ie bar mitzva).  I do want to learn his parsha with him.  It has a lot of topics.  Long topics.  Tough topics.  And it's hard for him to sit. 

But when I daven that I hope my learning with Elazar will be good, what ends up is that I hope he will love Torah.  That he will find it exciting.  Enlightening.  Guiding.

NOT that he will finish a certain amount by bar mitzva.

I've paused in learning his parsha with him and have been studying Shemona Esrei with him, since his chiyuv to daven will kick in at age 13. I think davening is going to be very difficult for him, and the thought of him mumbling words or even reading English without really understanding it seems pointless and agonizing for any kid, but strikes me as especially pointless and agonizing to someone of E's nature.  In theory he is amiable and willing to study and understand Shemona Esrei.  In practice, it is difficult for him to focus for more than 5 minutes, as it always has been. 

However, our five minutes of study time are something I am treasuring.  I always feel this way when I learn Torah with my children.  I love seeing how they think about things, how they approach the text, the questions they ask, the connections they make.  This morning we reviewed the main points of the first 3 brachos, noted they were "praise" and then next section is "requests" and did the first request.  I asked him what he would have designed the first request to be.  He said knowledge (which it is).  I said, "Don't you think it would have been something like food?" 
"Oh, yeah," he said. 
"So why do you think the Rabbis made it knowledge, understanding, and wisdom?" I asked.
And we had a nice little conversation about that.