Elazar just dragged me to the computer and we spent almost an hour editing his story. I so didn't want to do it. I had a long day. I didn't want to do "homework." I wanted to cry and kick and scream and tantrum and be distracted.
But I'm the grownup. So we edited. We laughed. We added semicolons and capitalized where needed and punctuated properly.
This is the opposite of what happens in school. Even in homeschool, a lot of times. Usually the parent is telling the kid to learn.
In unschool, I'm the one dragging my feet and my kids are pulling me to teach them.
Wednesday, October 31, 2018
Monday, October 29, 2018
v'hagita bo (yomam v') layla
Why does everyone want to learn after my brain turns off for the evening? By 8pm I am winding down. By 10pm I am downright cranky. I frequently go upstairs by 9pm. Last night I left it til 10 and I was practically growling when I got upstairs.
Jack still wants to learn a page of Chumash every day so that he can earn a phone. But he asked me to please not stop so much and ask him comprehension questions. He said just read it and translate it and don't talk to him. I was a little sad, because part of what I love best is the interactive part of learning with my children. But also I think this makes it easier for him to focus on the parts he understands and to skirt over the parts he doesn't. One thing that Chen taught me with her neurodivergent method of reading comprehension is that there is a benefit to going over the same thing many times, and each time you get another piece, and eventually it contributes to a bigger picture. Maybe that's how reading the Parsha every week goes. Over the years, you see it again and again, each time differently.
I already know that just as Elazar is a kinesthetic learner who learns by immersion and touch, Jack prefers to stay back and observe and perceive. So it makes sense that he doesn't want interaction. He actually prefers the passivity of sitting back and listening.
Something that I've learned in homeschool is to pay close attention when my children give me advice about how they want to learn. They know.
While I was learning with Jack, Aharon came over and asked if he was going to have to take a turn. Puzzled, I said not yet. He cheered.
Then, when I went upstairs after 10, I realized that Aharon often remembers he wants to read Hebrew at 10:30, which is after our deadline and we've been trying very hard to make a clear boundary that after 10:30 we (Ari and I) are in bed and our time is our own. So I called down to Aharon and asked if he wanted to read. He did. His ability with the nekudos and blending is very smooth, but he still has trouble remembering the letters.
And Ari learns mishna with Elazar most nights.
Last night at 8pm, Elazar dragged me over to the computer to work on editing his story. We are slowly working through it for grammar, punctuation, and to make sure it all flows and makes sense. I had a bit of a hard time following it when he first wrote it, so this time I ask questions when I'm missing something and he fills in the information. I have high hopes of following the plot better this time around. Also, as he grew, he got more sophisticated. It's fun to see how he wrote a few years ago compared to now.
Also, I am finally having some leisure time and have been davening out loud many mornings. I'm not sure if they pay any attention at all. Though sometimes I hear Elazar humming the tune.
Jack still wants to learn a page of Chumash every day so that he can earn a phone. But he asked me to please not stop so much and ask him comprehension questions. He said just read it and translate it and don't talk to him. I was a little sad, because part of what I love best is the interactive part of learning with my children. But also I think this makes it easier for him to focus on the parts he understands and to skirt over the parts he doesn't. One thing that Chen taught me with her neurodivergent method of reading comprehension is that there is a benefit to going over the same thing many times, and each time you get another piece, and eventually it contributes to a bigger picture. Maybe that's how reading the Parsha every week goes. Over the years, you see it again and again, each time differently.
I already know that just as Elazar is a kinesthetic learner who learns by immersion and touch, Jack prefers to stay back and observe and perceive. So it makes sense that he doesn't want interaction. He actually prefers the passivity of sitting back and listening.
Something that I've learned in homeschool is to pay close attention when my children give me advice about how they want to learn. They know.
While I was learning with Jack, Aharon came over and asked if he was going to have to take a turn. Puzzled, I said not yet. He cheered.
Then, when I went upstairs after 10, I realized that Aharon often remembers he wants to read Hebrew at 10:30, which is after our deadline and we've been trying very hard to make a clear boundary that after 10:30 we (Ari and I) are in bed and our time is our own. So I called down to Aharon and asked if he wanted to read. He did. His ability with the nekudos and blending is very smooth, but he still has trouble remembering the letters.
And Ari learns mishna with Elazar most nights.
Last night at 8pm, Elazar dragged me over to the computer to work on editing his story. We are slowly working through it for grammar, punctuation, and to make sure it all flows and makes sense. I had a bit of a hard time following it when he first wrote it, so this time I ask questions when I'm missing something and he fills in the information. I have high hopes of following the plot better this time around. Also, as he grew, he got more sophisticated. It's fun to see how he wrote a few years ago compared to now.
Also, I am finally having some leisure time and have been davening out loud many mornings. I'm not sure if they pay any attention at all. Though sometimes I hear Elazar humming the tune.
Friday, October 26, 2018
Compromise
The boys and the neighbors made me a path so that I can walk to the fridge without being annoyed and they can still have a room they don't have to clean up.
I can't say I'm thrilled, but walking in there is certainly more pleasant.
I can't say I'm thrilled, but walking in there is certainly more pleasant.
Wednesday, October 24, 2018
The Difference Between Homeschooling and Unschooling
We've been incorporating more limudei kodesh into our day as the boys get older. This week has been particularly jampacked as we are trying to gather paperwork for Chen to apply to college. So some of the daily things I'd been trying to keep up with (Aharon's reading, Jack's Chumash, Elazar's trup and mishna) keep slipping away.
Today, as I was mentally listing all the things I was not doing, it occurred to me that this is a big difference between homeschooling and unschooling.
Today, as I was mentally listing all the things I was not doing, it occurred to me that this is a big difference between homeschooling and unschooling.
- In homeschool, I always have a mental list of things I want to be teaching or to get done with the kids
- In unschool, there is no list and nothing that needs to be taught; all I need to do is enjoy them and whatever they are doing and learning and thinking about
- In homeschool, I have to remember to call them over and make time to coax them to learn
- In unschool, I don't have to think about it at all or remember anything because they come to me and ask me to learn with them
- In homeschool, when I don't get it done, I fret that it teaches them that we are not prioritizing Torah
- In unschool, I trust that Torah is desirable and they will learn it when they want it
of course I wonder if - In homeschool, they learn skills and Torah
- In unschool, will they learn??
(Ironically, I write this having spent over an hour with Chen learning Chavakuk because she asked me to.)
Monday, October 22, 2018
Science Class, so to speak
Jack went through a k'nex phase last year where he really enjoyed building things from instructions so we got him a bunch of kits. He spent hours building them. He played with them a bit (and then didn't want to break them, hence they were at first hanging out in our guest room in the basement, and then had to be moved when we had guests and are duly stored in the storage room, gathering dust and spiders, but they are still fully built).
Now he built Elazar's birthday present. Elazar got a science kit from my dad for his birthday and Jack spent the afternoon building it with his friend. I didn't even know we had it in the house. (PS #konmari is slowly falling apart, especially in the basement where their vision for the space is "we never have to clean it up.") Then he asked me to check how much money he has in his account, so that he can buy another kit to build.
I checked it out online, and there are a bunch of cute science kits by this brand. In the unschooling group I read, they make a big point about how when kids are interested in something, and we facilitate it, THAT is the curriculum. Getting your kids video games when they want is their curriculum. Getting them a netflix subscription is their curriculum. Buying them all the lego sets they want that you can afford is their curriculum.
This is a little (a lot) different than my approach which is that my kids earn their electronics and many of their toys.
I've mentioned before that studies show that being more strict vs. more permissive doesn't really make a significant difference in terms of parenting outcomes. (Too strict and too permissive does cause problems, and different ones from each other.) So just like classical vs. eclectic styles of homeschooling have different details of outcomes but still both have positive outcomes, different styles of parenting likewise can all come out with happy, healthy children. So I generally don't stress too much over whether it's better to foster joy and abundance or a stricter sense of responsibility, even though I do ponder the philosophical implications. (I do feel somewhat duty bound to point out that radical unschoolers maintain, and in my experience this is true, that a life of joy and abundance DOES end up with grateful and very responsible adults, and one does not need to impose responsibility on them but that the attitude of respect, concern, and paying attention to their needs ends up fostering caring and responsibility in them. However, for the sake of this post, let's say that in my mind sometimes I feel like I'm choosing things so my children won't end up spoiled and so that they will have a sense of responsibility, and that although they go against radical unschooling principles, I still feel that it is a legitimate way to raise children. Just as although I personally do not restrict media, I believe that restricting media is a legitimate parenting choice and can result in happy and healthy children.)
However, in this case, I was not feeling conflict. Buying Jack a bunch of science electronic and circuitry kits is very definitely science. And it's a legitimate allocation of curriculum funds.
The very best thing about this is that I don't have to help him. One of the big disappointments that I discovered about myself is that I hate science and art projects. I had accept that I should no longer buy science project kits or science project books because I hate doing them. I hated admitting that about myself, because I had an image of a crafty, science, project doing homeschool mom. But that's not me. So it is super exciting that all I have to do is hand Jack a pile of science kits and he's happily occupied and learning for hours. With the neighbors--so it's also socialization ;)
This is about as wonderful as when Chen wanted a $300 video editing software, and after downloading the free version for a month and her using all the time and assuring me she wanted it, we bought it for her. Because it was basically signing her up for a video editing class except that she taught it to herself and we didn't have to carpool her anywhere. Win-win!
Now he built Elazar's birthday present. Elazar got a science kit from my dad for his birthday and Jack spent the afternoon building it with his friend. I didn't even know we had it in the house. (PS #konmari is slowly falling apart, especially in the basement where their vision for the space is "we never have to clean it up.") Then he asked me to check how much money he has in his account, so that he can buy another kit to build.
I checked it out online, and there are a bunch of cute science kits by this brand. In the unschooling group I read, they make a big point about how when kids are interested in something, and we facilitate it, THAT is the curriculum. Getting your kids video games when they want is their curriculum. Getting them a netflix subscription is their curriculum. Buying them all the lego sets they want that you can afford is their curriculum.
This is a little (a lot) different than my approach which is that my kids earn their electronics and many of their toys.
I've mentioned before that studies show that being more strict vs. more permissive doesn't really make a significant difference in terms of parenting outcomes. (Too strict and too permissive does cause problems, and different ones from each other.) So just like classical vs. eclectic styles of homeschooling have different details of outcomes but still both have positive outcomes, different styles of parenting likewise can all come out with happy, healthy children. So I generally don't stress too much over whether it's better to foster joy and abundance or a stricter sense of responsibility, even though I do ponder the philosophical implications. (I do feel somewhat duty bound to point out that radical unschoolers maintain, and in my experience this is true, that a life of joy and abundance DOES end up with grateful and very responsible adults, and one does not need to impose responsibility on them but that the attitude of respect, concern, and paying attention to their needs ends up fostering caring and responsibility in them. However, for the sake of this post, let's say that in my mind sometimes I feel like I'm choosing things so my children won't end up spoiled and so that they will have a sense of responsibility, and that although they go against radical unschooling principles, I still feel that it is a legitimate way to raise children. Just as although I personally do not restrict media, I believe that restricting media is a legitimate parenting choice and can result in happy and healthy children.)
However, in this case, I was not feeling conflict. Buying Jack a bunch of science electronic and circuitry kits is very definitely science. And it's a legitimate allocation of curriculum funds.
This is about as wonderful as when Chen wanted a $300 video editing software, and after downloading the free version for a month and her using all the time and assuring me she wanted it, we bought it for her. Because it was basically signing her up for a video editing class except that she taught it to herself and we didn't have to carpool her anywhere. Win-win!
Wednesday, October 17, 2018
ADHD
Let it be remembered that in 2018, when E was 11, I was reading a book to him. It is a book he loves (we are reading the Bruno and Boots series by Gordon Korman, which he didn't like initially but which eventually grew on him). He asked me to read it to him. The chapter was six pages long. In fairly large print. Reading level of book is 4th or 5th grade.
This is what happened about a minute after I started reading.
I waited until he finished. Then a couple of minutes later, when he did it again, I recorded him--the above is the 2nd time. Then, after that, I recorded and paused and recorded and paused and recorded each time he jumped up. He knew I was recording so I don't even think he was as floppy and intensely sensory seeking as he usually is, since some of his energy was in engaging me.
In homeschool, he can move when he needs to move. And he needs to move about one minute into doing an "academic" activity. This is why I have largely found it counterproductive to do any type of learning where I speak and he is "supposed" to sit and listen.
Chen, who is studying neurology, says that his brain doesn't have sufficient dopamine and the movement gives him the dopamine he needs.
This is what happened about a minute after I started reading.
I waited until he finished. Then a couple of minutes later, when he did it again, I recorded him--the above is the 2nd time. Then, after that, I recorded and paused and recorded and paused and recorded each time he jumped up. He knew I was recording so I don't even think he was as floppy and intensely sensory seeking as he usually is, since some of his energy was in engaging me.
In homeschool, he can move when he needs to move. And he needs to move about one minute into doing an "academic" activity. This is why I have largely found it counterproductive to do any type of learning where I speak and he is "supposed" to sit and listen.
Chen, who is studying neurology, says that his brain doesn't have sufficient dopamine and the movement gives him the dopamine he needs.
Monday, October 15, 2018
Letting go
Jack doesn't seem all that enthused about learning Chumash. I have to ask him every day. And I am really not sure how much he's understanding conceptually. It makes sense to me to stop for now unless he asks me to do it. So I've decided to not ask him to learn anymore. Of course I will learn with him if he asks to do it with me.
Chen finished up her bio course and is arranging a proctored test so she can get credit. She just signed up for neurology from Coursera starting in a couple of days.
She is applying to college soon (not sure if she wants to go or not) and getting all the ducks in a row for college application is tricky. I'm not sure everything will be ready in time. I wanted her to apply next year instead, but she spent a lot of time on her essays this summer and doesn't want that to go to waste. So I'm getting good practice in trying to stay calm and just do the parts that are up to me and not making myself crazy in the process. I don't like to do things last minute, but Chen is more sanguine about that sort of thing than I am. I'm doing my best to remain cheerful, positive, helpful, and follow up on all the paperwork that needs collecting. If it gets done, great. If not, not.
The good news is that Chen is happily doing college level work now. She has so many backup possibilities. If we don't get her application in on time for the scholarship, she can still apply later not for scholarship. She can apply next year for scholarship. She can continue doing college work as she's doing now for a while. She can apply to other types of training. She is so young and there are so many opportunities and options. I am curious to see how this all turns out.
Chen finished up her bio course and is arranging a proctored test so she can get credit. She just signed up for neurology from Coursera starting in a couple of days.
She is applying to college soon (not sure if she wants to go or not) and getting all the ducks in a row for college application is tricky. I'm not sure everything will be ready in time. I wanted her to apply next year instead, but she spent a lot of time on her essays this summer and doesn't want that to go to waste. So I'm getting good practice in trying to stay calm and just do the parts that are up to me and not making myself crazy in the process. I don't like to do things last minute, but Chen is more sanguine about that sort of thing than I am. I'm doing my best to remain cheerful, positive, helpful, and follow up on all the paperwork that needs collecting. If it gets done, great. If not, not.
The good news is that Chen is happily doing college level work now. She has so many backup possibilities. If we don't get her application in on time for the scholarship, she can still apply later not for scholarship. She can apply next year for scholarship. She can continue doing college work as she's doing now for a while. She can apply to other types of training. She is so young and there are so many opportunities and options. I am curious to see how this all turns out.
Wednesday, October 10, 2018
unschooling in action
Jack has been trying to make slime forever. I looked up some recipes, and Jack tried them, and they kept failing.
Finally, Jack looked it up himself and asked me to buy him something called "slime activator." So I did.
Voila! Success. So glad they are getting to the age when they can look up things themselves and my facilitating job is just to buy the stuff.
Finally, Jack looked it up himself and asked me to buy him something called "slime activator." So I did.
Voila! Success. So glad they are getting to the age when they can look up things themselves and my facilitating job is just to buy the stuff.
Wednesday, October 3, 2018
Succos
You're catching me here in a season of doubt and concern. As the kids (Elazar really) move on to new intellectual and emotional stages, I fear that unschooling won't work, that leaving things alone is not demonstrating trust that Torah is interesting enough that they will desire it if left alone; instead, I fear that it gives the kids the impression that it is not a priority.
We bought lulav sets for both Jack and Elazar this year. Jack had one last year (he is careful) and Elazar is now 11.
At first they were excited. They made the bracha and were very happy.
I had them go to shul and just go in for hallel. I love hallel, it's short, there is singing, and there is shaking lulav.
Well, after one time, the boys were disgusted and dreading it. Ari and I discussed it and felt that it's not a huge imposition and they should go the second day, too. By chol hamoed, I just had them make the bracha and we sang the verses of hallel with the shaking and did that. By the last day, we just bentched lulav and picked it up. Both expressed relief that it was over.
So here I am, hovering between "it wasn't so burdensome and we were mechanech them" and "this is exactly the opposite effect I wanted for them--instead of loving mitzvos, they didn't like it and are glad to be done with it."
For next year, we can make it optional (and E can pick it up at bar mitzva when he is obligated). Or we can say, this is what we do now.
Again, I don't think either way will greatly make a difference. But waffling between two methodologies doesn't sit so well with me, either. (Though I have often found that a lot of parenting is penduluming between extremes, always striving for balance and moderation.) It really speaks to my general feelings of being insecure about unschooling. And I do know that unschooling is compromised if there is pressure and nudging. A child does not really feel free if there are expectations. A child does not pursue with appetite and joy when being fed things that are not appetizing to them.
It seems to me that pushing a little ends up with both negatives: they don't end up with the chinuch, the skills, the knowledge, the ability. And they do get a taste of the dread and the dislike.
We bought lulav sets for both Jack and Elazar this year. Jack had one last year (he is careful) and Elazar is now 11.
At first they were excited. They made the bracha and were very happy.
I had them go to shul and just go in for hallel. I love hallel, it's short, there is singing, and there is shaking lulav.
Well, after one time, the boys were disgusted and dreading it. Ari and I discussed it and felt that it's not a huge imposition and they should go the second day, too. By chol hamoed, I just had them make the bracha and we sang the verses of hallel with the shaking and did that. By the last day, we just bentched lulav and picked it up. Both expressed relief that it was over.
So here I am, hovering between "it wasn't so burdensome and we were mechanech them" and "this is exactly the opposite effect I wanted for them--instead of loving mitzvos, they didn't like it and are glad to be done with it."
For next year, we can make it optional (and E can pick it up at bar mitzva when he is obligated). Or we can say, this is what we do now.
Again, I don't think either way will greatly make a difference. But waffling between two methodologies doesn't sit so well with me, either. (Though I have often found that a lot of parenting is penduluming between extremes, always striving for balance and moderation.) It really speaks to my general feelings of being insecure about unschooling. And I do know that unschooling is compromised if there is pressure and nudging. A child does not really feel free if there are expectations. A child does not pursue with appetite and joy when being fed things that are not appetizing to them.
It seems to me that pushing a little ends up with both negatives: they don't end up with the chinuch, the skills, the knowledge, the ability. And they do get a taste of the dread and the dislike.
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