Processing Disorder

My teen showed me this picture.  She looks at a book with her eyes and it doesn't get poured into her brain.  As you can see, some dribbles do make it into the cup, which is why she has to read everything numerous times before she understands it.

Speaking of which, she recently finished the very grueling Fast ForWord program.  She doesn't feel that she can read better.  But it may have been a gradual thing.  It may be that when on medication (she did not take medication when she did the exercises) that she will be able to process better.

Her assessment is that this program will work very well for auditory processing issues and for dyslexia.  And she doesn't know so much about autism, but from the little she knows, she thinks it could be helpful.  It helped her very much with analogies, which she couldn't process before.
The final exercise was reading full paragraphs.  She said at the beginning of the game, she made many mistakes and by the end she wasn't making those mistakes.  But she is not sure if it is because her neurology grew more connections or if she just learned how to play the game.  I guess time will tell.  I can tell you that she is not choosing to read books for fun at this time.  She reads on Shabbos so likely if reading were coming easier, she would be more inclined.

At the moment, she isn't studying anything that is reading-heavy.  We will see if when/if she does, if things are easier.

Davening Goals

Davening has a way of clarifying goals.  I've been trying to figure out the easiest way for Elazar to learn how to leyn.  He'll be 12 soon.  I started learning his parsha and the first aliyah is SO MUCH more difficult than the last 3 pesukim of maftir.  I started focusing on the trope because he wanted to go to the ice cream store.  I said I'll take him every couple of weeks and we'll learn the trope.  All the boys are doing it together and we've been enjoying ice cream.

One of the things I've been davening for is that Elazar should have an easy time grasping and remembering the trope, and that it should come easily to him.  That's not something that's in human control.

I realized as I was davening about it this morning, that if I could fast forward fifteen years into the future, and see that Elazar loves to learn Torah, is shomer mitzvos, can make parnassah, and has the promise of a loving and healthy relationship, then I wouldn't care a whit if he could leyn or not.

My 2010 educational goals (seems like it's about time for a conscious re-evalution; a lot has shifted in almost a decade) already need a reboot because I discovered via the turbulent teen years that I had focused on love of learning and shortchanged love of mitzvos.  One of my most frequent tefilos is that my children should love Torah AND mitzvos. 

This doesn't just work by invoking Divine Intervention (though tefila acknowledges that human efforts are essentially insufficient for success).  It focuses me every day.  When I daven that my children should love mitzvos, it affects how I speak about mitzvos.  It affects my relationship with mitzvos.  It helps me pay attention to how mitzvos are good and useful and keeps my attitude more positive.  It frames how I speak to them about mitzvos.  Basically, davening strongly affects how these conversations and interactions go--in a laws of nature kind of way.

Davening about leyning this morning was a weird experience.  I've davened for it before, because I find that davening helps ME keep a value or goal in the forefront of my mind.  It's easier for me to keep motivated about practicing the trope with him when I davened for it that morning.  Years ago my Rabbi mentioned that when asking God for something, the first question to ask ourselves is, "Have I done everything possible according to the laws of nature to achieve this?"  It's kind of chutzpadik to lie in bed staring at the window and davening that Hashem should open the window for me.  Get out of bed and open the window! (If you can't, have physical disability or emotional resistance, then of course davening is not chutzpadik.) (And [sidepoint] it's also okay to be chutzpadik in davening, too.)

This time, while davening, I was just hit with the feeling of What If I were to know that leyning wouldn't work out for him, but I got my usual tefila answered--that he loves Torah and Mitzvos?

It was clear to me what the answer is.

Not to say that I plan to stop trying to facilitate his leyning.  I think if it's not too painful or too stressful*, participating in minyan in the fullest way possible is an important part of being grown up and being part of the community.
(*Big IF)

But it's an important perspective.

Thursday, April 4, 2019

So it's been a little over a month since I started learning Elazar's bar mitzva parsha.  I've learned almost 9 pesukim and a strong appreciation for the efforts a bar mitzva boy puts in.  It's hard to believe my brothers did their parshas, the haftorahs, and musaf.

We were at a bar mitzva on Shabbos and I felt tremendous envy as the boy did a bang up job at his leining.  Elazar wasn't even in shul for the candy part.  I'm definitely feeling the pain/effort of backing off and trying to accommodate Elazar's nature.  (Which is also why I'm glad Ari's mainly in charge of the boys' chinuch.  I am definitely the type who can be too pressure-y.) I remind myself that stress and tics would be the result if I don't.

I was talking about it with Ari afterwards, and he said the bar mitzva boy's aliyah is be maftir.  And I'm not sure why we didn't discuss this before, but maftir for Matos-Masei is only 3 pesukim, despite it being the longest parsha ever.  I took a look at the pesukim and they are so much easier than what I've been learning.  I'll continue learning his parsha on the off chance he wants to do it.  But it's looking like maftir might be manageable.

minecraft shul

Elazar (on advice of his friend) made a shul in Minecraft.