basement take a bazillion

So Elazar was pretty happy with the no clean up policy.  And they've been crafting like fiends very happily.

But then.

Shabbos came.  And I didn't want football upstairs.  (Even though there is Yes Ball Playing in the House.)

But there was no place to play downstairs.  Because the floor is FULL of...garbage? Craft ingredients?  Whatever it is, it's not clear for ball.

A friend of mine suggested I partition the basement so they can both have their needs met.  Great idea! 

So today, I asked Aharon what kind of space he needs for tossing the football.  And then I told Elazar I'd be moving all his craft stuff to one area and he has to confine his crafts to that area.  He does not have to clean up his craft area.  But Aharon's football space must remain clear.  We duct taped Aharon's space (from one end of the room to the other, lengthwise).  

Hopefully this will work.  And if not, I'm getting used to adjusting to different needs in different phases.  We'll keep trying.

(The duct tape in the middle and the right is my path.  I'm graciously allowing my path to be included in the football area.  All crafts shall (hopefully) stay 

to the left of the line.)

Midsummer update: pros and cons of not unschooling halacha

I'm still using Konmari method to declutter.  It's almost done.  The siren song of "my house is always tidy" beckons to me.

Bear in mind that my youngest is 4.  When my children were ages 6 months to 3 years old, the house was like a hurricane and I had to straighten up 4x a day to be able to see the floor.  Now that the kids are older, the mess just isn't the same.  However, I did find myself bad tempered from mess or feeling like I "have" to clean up and like I didn't want to and that housework was taking me away from relaxing or being with the children.

Chana and I finished the first chemistry book.  It gave a great foundation and maybe we'll look through a few others and read about Antoine Lavoisier before getting into the math of chemistry.  I might just borrow a Barron's regents book for that.

Jack has stopped being interested in reading.  He is up to lesson 71 out of 100.  He can basically read, and apparently he is satisfied with his level of reading and whatever practice he gets reading things around him.  He does not want to do the reader anymore.

Elazar is still doing the daily Shulchan Aruch.  Unfortunately, I think that this is causing him to dread learning.  It is under 5 minutes.  He has a hard time sitting still.  And from morning to night he is busy with things he wants to do.  He doesn't ever come over to me bored.  So whenever I want to learn with him, it would be interrupting his flow.  I am considering giving him some money for it (not a lot, perhaps 5 to 10 cents, which would build up after a while).  I am not feeling that a strict unschooling policy is called for here.  I think the very mild discipline it takes for him to learn is beneficial for his character.

However, the down side of that and the reason I was pulled to unschooling in the first place, is that his attention has waned and he is not enjoying it.  And I believe he is associating annoyance to learning.

I have to think about this more.  My sense is that it is a good idea to push him, even if he doesn't like it.

decluttering homeschool materials II

On one side: my hoarding tendencies and my general difficulty parting with things.
On the other side: the tantalizing promise of easy cleanup, less overwhelmedness, and the ability to find things quickly.

It should be no contest.  Work through my emotional resistances and live a life of minimalism and simplicity.

I have read a few times that people feel that konmari doesn't work when you have children.  I can't talk about other family's conflicts, but in my particular case my children are not overly attached to their things.  The disorder or order in the house is really about how I am choosing to establish things.  In our gloriously abundant culture, having 20 toys or 100 toys or 1000 toys is all on the same continuum insofar as there are ample things to occupy them.  In fact, it causes stress, crankiness, mess, waste, and an inability to use all of your stuff (or even find all your stuff).

As a homeschooler, I would estimate a large portion of my home management is taken up by and frustrated by dealing with the stuff.  That's less time for teaching, less time for hanging out, less time for doing fun things, and more frustration, irritation, anger at the children, and exhaustion.

In my particular case, my children don't really care how much clothing they have.  If they go to their bins and there are clothing, they are fine.  They have a couple of favorite pants and sweatshirts.  (I'm not talking about teens here.  I shut the door.  It's confined to the room.)

The question is regarding toys and homeschooling materials and books.  I probably could remove 80% of their toys and they would not miss them.  But once in a while, they rediscover a toy and spend hours and hours with it.  They go through revivals every few years.  How do I know what to keep?  I can't predict it.

I have grammar games and fraction games and math manipulatives and coloring books and all sorts of homeschooling paraphernalia.  One of the principles of unschooling is "strewing," where there are educational materials around (like the map on the wall, or the biology chart that the kids drag over to me so I can show them how the human body works).  If I get rid of things, what will they pick up?  I have held on for two years to a bucket of fraction pieces that annoys me  tremendously (but I can't get rid of it because, you know, fractions).  Chana never used it.  The boys play with it periodically (once in a few months).  I'm not sure how much it does for them.  I know it drives me crazy, taking up space and barely being used.  In fifteen years my children have rarely picked up a math workbook or a coloring book.  Very, very rarely.  But I have over 30 of them, waiting on shelves, because once in a while, once in six months, they will drag it out and start tracing letters.

I have wonderful books full of information and facts about science and social studies that are explained clearly and beautifully.  My daughters barely looked at them.  Occasionally I paid them a dollar to read one.  Did that help their education?  Maybe a bit.  But have these things been hanging around, bothering me with their general lack of use?  Yes.
But what if they pick them up?

I wonder if I'm lacking trust.  I live in the fearful world of what "might" be instead of removing all that and making space for what IS.  Because surely by now I know that my children are never bored.  They always find something to do with whatever is around.

What exactly would happen if I don't have these things in my house?  At the moment when they might have been ripe for fractions and would have had the materials to learn them... they look around and find something else to do.  (In theory, something productive and joyous just like they do pretty much all the time.) What if they would have taken that workbook and done some math problems or writing but it's not around?  They "miss" the opportunity.  What if they don't learn that science or social studies?  They'll learn it as an adult or perhaps (and I guess this is what terrifies me) not at all?  Or they'll read about it on the internet?  Or take a college class?  I almost feel like I am waiting until they all know how to read so I can just get rid of all those workbooks and coloring books without guilt.  But in the meantime, they are in a giant laundry basket (no room on the shelves--those are filled with seforim and other books that we might use) and I walk by them every day and cringe.

According to konmari, the way to not revert is to do it all at once and do it to the point where the joy is manifest because everything has an obvious place (hint: if you are trying to fit things into places then there is still too much stuff).  Chipping away at this instead of doing it all at once means that decluttering for the next while is going to be something that I have to do regularly instead of getting it all done forever.  I read the book over Shavuos and got up the courage to do the first step (my own clothing) in July.  She says that decluttering in the order she recommends helps build the skill of only keeping what sparks joy.  And if you do it in a different order then you haven't built the skills or practiced enough.  For example, trying to declutter things with a lot of emotional charge like picture albums (!! Those weren't even on my radar!  I have 22 albums and that's not including that in the last 4 yrs we are primarily digital and that we rarely take pictures) before you have eased into the skill by doing the other things will not be so effective.

Now I'll go clear off my dining room table.  Apparently if I had less stuff, I would have obvious places to put the things that end up hanging around my table.  And then I wouldn't have to clear my table regularly.  The concept beckons like a hazy utopia.

decluttering homeschool materials I

Summer has been coming along.  Jack (5.5) had a week of camp that he liked. He slowed down on reading a bit; he is over 60 lessons through 100 Easy Lessons and no longer asks to do it every night.  According to unschooling principles, he will do it when he is interested in improving his skills.  Elazar (8) is going to camp in the afternoons, skipping the morning (davening/learning).  Chana and I are enjoying chemistry in the morning and continuing with Sefer Devarim at other times in the day.  She also takes Japanese and violin.  I have a meeting next week with the principal to discuss what classes she'll be taking in the high school I teach at.

Yesterday, I finally got up the stamina to konmari my clothing.  It's a method of decluttering.  I have been fighting the tendency to hoard for over a decade, and I think I really turned a corner when I hired organizers before Aharon was born (about 5 years ago).  I learned things like "things shouldn't fall out when you open the door."  Perhaps that's obvious.  I still haven't quite gotten the hang of "when you look, be able to see at a glance everything that is there."

One of the things I thought was that decluttering is a constant process.  Like being tidy or being neat or being clean (none of which things I am, especially), it needs constant vigilance and work.  I learned a lot from flylady, but she has morning routines and evening routines and daily routines and weekly routines.  It has been a constant struggle to get myself into habits of daily straightening.  Or even to figure out what daily straightening looks like.

A big piece is decluttering.  The fewer objects there are, the easier it is to clean up.  Things are less overwhelming.  I have embraced decluttering (though I'm not very good at it yet) and the principles of minimalism.

I began to understand that decluttering and tidying have the same problem.  You have to always be doing them.  I'd rather sit down and relax or read.  People who are tidy are often doing a bit of tidying.  I'm chilling instead.

But then konmari's book says that if you do her method once and thoroughly, you never go back.  You don't revert.  You don't need to declutter every few months.  You do it all and are so swept away with the joy of
a) being surrounded only by things that you love and spark joy and
b) the extremely easy way to put everything away because there aren't so many things and it is obvious where they go and simple to put them there
that you never go back.

Intriguing.  Can you imagine Pesach cleaning in that type of situation?  Can you imagine living like that?

But implementing it is challenging.  All sorts of psychological issues crop up.  What is emotionally preventing me from removing things in my life that don't spark joy?

I did clothing yesterday.  I cheated and put some of the clothing that I wear to work but don't spark joy in the back of my closet.  If I get through September and October and don't use them, then hopefully I'll be able to let them go.

After I did it, I asked myself questions such as:
Why do I have the boys' summer clothing in two bins, when I also have two dressers for them?  And why do I have a third bin with future winter clothes?  What in the WORLD can possibly be in those two dressers?

(Don't get me wrong.  I adore the simplicity of bins.  Wash the clothes and dump them in the bins.  T-shirts and shorts for Elazar in one bin, and for Jack and Aharon in the other.  No folding.  If they dump it, very easy to cleanup.  So then the question is what are the dressers for?  Storing things I don't use???)

After clothing comes books in the konmari method.  And this gets me back to one of my conflicts about homeschooling and decluttering.

But it's time to wake up Chana and do chemistry.  I'll write part II later.

I've been really irritated the last few days.  At first I thought it was just because I was adjusting to a new schedule.  But it has slowly emerged that in the last few months, I had the delightful situation of all 5 children being in phases that were independent and amiable.  So when, slowly, the situation began to change, I didn't realize it was happening.  I just knew that I've been feeling like I'm barely treading water, I've been irritable, I've had "too much to do" (but I'm not sure exactly what I've been doing), I've been raising my voice a lot, and I've been feeling generally stressed.

I think what is getting to me the most are the messes.  To take a moment to appreciate things, there was a solid few years where the mess was so outrageously unmanageable that I was cleaning up four times a day so that I could have a path to walk.  I hired two organizers, increased my housework skills, restricted food to the kitchen/dining room, and the littles grew bigger.  It got to the point where I can sometimes go a day or two without straightening and it's just messy and not havoc.  So to turn around and realize I am back to needing multiple straightenings a day again is something I didn't consciously realize and it was attacking my narcissism.

Aside from the messes themselves, Elazar (age 7) seems to be heading back into an Idea phase that is often accompanied by manic energy where he is curious but unintentionally destructive, and he is wild, especially when he is in a place or situation that expects restraint.  Aharon (age 3) has entered the Intense Tantrum phase, where numerous times a day, restrictions or refusals are met with flopping, screaming, crying, and often attempts to hit, bite, pinch etc.  (And he calls me "doody" but that's mostly amusing.)  If I were employed and my employer treated me this way, I'd quit.  Jack (age 4) is his usual self, but that usual self includes a fair amount of discipline these days.

Another thing that has been getting to me is the way that they make messes.  I walked in to the bathroom the other day, and they were making potions with cups of water.  That is normal drippy mess I am accustomed to.  As I walked in, Elazar took a syringe full of water and shot the ceiling.  His brothers cackled.

There have been a series of messes that have an edge of aggressive energy to them.  Although they have plenty of opportunity and their lives are set up to make lots of tactile mess outside (and even inside in a lot of ways), they enjoy destroying things and breaking things and messing up things that they know are part of the home.  When they eat wacky macs, invariably someone flings some with a spoon and then they are all doing it and giggling.  They are making messes and egging each other on and being mightily amused by them.  All this amusement gets me furious.  I found myself yelling to stop it, cut it out, etc.

During the most recent mess (I can't even remember what it was.  It wasn't wacky macs because I remembered to remind them, before handing them food, to remember not to throw the macaroni and I elicited agreement of this before they got their food) as I was yelling, a part of me was thinking that this is definitely not the best way to handle this.  Yelling is not that effective.  Why am I yelling?  What am I trying to achieve?  I realize that I was just being reactive instead of parenting based on my principles, and I hope this week, now that I realize what is going on with these gleeful messes, to devise a healthier and more effective parenting approach.  But unconsciously, what was I trying to achieve by yelling?

On a basic level, I wanted them to stop.  Also, I wanted to "teach" them that their behavior was socially inappropriate.  I wanted to show disapproval.  And I was angry so I guess I wanted to hurt them.  Why don't they know that what they are doing upsets me?  How will they learn to be civilized if I don't show very strong disapproval when they do this?  They "should" know better!

When I stopped to think about this, it seemed to me that there are better ways to teach them that their behavior is socially inappropriate.  Instead of raising my voice, I learned from supernanny, lowering the pitch of my voice immediately signals to the child that I am serious.  Making eye contact and firm but gentle physical contact is also very effective.  Telling the to stop firmly in a low pitched voice, quickly stopping them physically, and then supervising or helping cleanup or repair will stop the behavior, show the children I'm serious, teach them not to do it without making them feel worthless or shaming them, and demonstrate and aid constructive ways to repair the consequences.

So my reactive, instinctual way to "make them stop" is not the most effective and it can have serious negative long term consequences.

I think it also highlights an unconscious erroneous notion.  Although boys ages 7, 4, and a very abstract 3 know very well that certain behaviors such as throwing food inside the house and destroying things are socially inappropriate, destructive, and will upset me (I don't think they understand "morally wrong" yet), I get angry because I am not accepting the reality of young boys (perhaps all children).  It is normal behavior to get carried away by the enjoyment of destructive energy.

That doesn't mean that I have to tolerate it, and I think the method I outlined above will work just fine.  But the fury that overcame me was because I was feeling they "shouldn't" do this and they should "know better" and restrain themselves without my help.

In conclusion, when I'm feeling generally overwhelmed, I take a look at what the stress points are during my day.  I try to devise creative strategies to manage them.  I try to gain clarity about how I was reacting that wasn't working, and to gain some insight into what was underlying how I was reacting.  Realizing that I'm overwhelmed and going into "strategy" mode instead of "reaction" mode is half the battle.

Different discipline possibilities

Jack, my 3yo, spilled out Elazar's crate of clothes.  (Yes, his clothing is in crates.  That's probably a different blog post but I'll just say that from ages 3-7 I've often found that my kids use a "dive in and toss out all clothes until I find what I want" method and it's been easier to just keep everything in crates and toss them back in afterwards.)  Why did Jack spill it out?  It's irrelevant (he wanted to climb onto something so he used it as a step stool).  And that wasn't high enough.  So he dumped out the laundry hamper.  And now I want him to clean up.  And before he cleans up the hamper, he should clean up the crate.

I've learned a few disciplinary tactics over the years.  One of them is:
Children should clean up their own messes.  Once a child has to clean up a big mess all by himself, he doesn't make that mess again.

Whether or not that is actually 100% true, it does make good sense to me.  If the child makes the mess and is physically capable of cleaning it, then he should do so.  I do him no favors by allowing him to make messes that I clean up.  He spills (let's say on purpose) and I say, "Hey, don't do that!" and then I wipe it up.  What am I teaching him?  I'm teaching him that he spills, I don't like it, and I clean up.  If he spills and I hand him something and he cleans up, he may not learn not to do it in the future, but at least I'm not teaching him that there are no consequences.

So I told Jack to clean up the clothing and put it back into the crate.  He began to cry, "Help me, help me."

Ordinarily, in the past, I would have been kind but firm.  You made the mess, you clean it.  I will stand here and you will clean it up.  This seems to me to make good sense and teaches the child to be responsible.

A tactic I didn't even think of this morning, but am only thinking of now, as I write this, is Playful Parenting.
Make a playful way for the child to clean it up, such as a race, a game..something that elicits giggles and gets the child enthused about it.

People are often reluctant to do this because they feel that the child has to learn.  And the child will not be responsible if you make things fun.

(This is actually a fallacy and there are plenty of opportunities to teach responsibility and we don't have to worry about making chores fun causing a long term problem.  In fact, this gives them a valuable technique for doing things they are reluctant to do in life.)

This morning, I was about to stand there and firmly insist that Jack put the clothes away himself, when I realized that I had been parenting differently for the last few years.  I read this article about unschooling chores and housework a while back and it really had a profound impact on my attitude.

It's more of a shift in the parent's attitude than the kids at first. If a person appears grumpy about cleaning, the kids will pick up on that and immediately assume that cleaning is a real bummer. If you hear yourself complaining about something needing cleaned, everyone else hears the complaining too. If YOU obviously don't want to do it, there's a good chance that your kids won't be overly excited about it either. Complaining leaves a bad vibe in the air—not a good selling point.

and

he is now much more likely to help out and to do things spontaneously because he sees us helping each other, doing things that need doing simply because they need doing, not because it's "my turn" or "my job"— we don't have assigned jobs, whoever is able and available does what needs doing. 

I've really gotten into the mode of doing things this way.  When I am cleaning up and it feels overwhelming, I will ask my family for help.  They've become used to cleaning up messes that they didn't make, and it's been very pleasant to be able to ask for help and get help.

When Jack said, "Help me, help me," I suddenly realized that our home atmosphere has been that we ask for help cleaning when we need it.  Which then contradicted the method of having him do it himself because it is his responsibility because he spilled it.

a bit extreme?

The kids had friends over yesterday.  I told them to clean up the basement before they left.  They didn't really clean much.  Or perhaps they did.  Suffice it to say there was a lot that was not put away.

Then they had another playdate today.  I was pretty annoyed about yesterday.  I also felt bad, because I remember being told, "Go clean the basement" and there being such a huge amount of toys that I could barely make a dent in it.  Maybe they feel the same way.

Anyway, I went downstairs today and just put everything that was not put away into a garbage bag.  I got another bag for things to throw out, like used paper.  There was so much stuff on the floor I got another garbage bag.

As I was dumping toys into garbage bags, I kept having two different feelings:

1) They play with this so much!
and
2) Do we really need 30 trucks?

Anyway, I don't know what will be missed.  I am not sure where to keep 2 giant garbage bags of stuff.  I feel like if they miss any of the stuff, they can do something to redeem it.  And if they don't miss it, then we didn't really need it, did we?

In the Beginning

In my ongoing attempts to declutter, August is the boys' room.  I'm trying to consolidate all the books onto fewer shelves.  It's difficult because part of unschooling is that I want to have things on the shelves.  Who knows what will catch someone's eye?  On the other hand, I just this morning read some research about "constraint satisfaction:"
When presented with too many choices — no matter how beautiful or beneficial — it can be overwhelming, and we are paralyzed by indecision.

That's why having constraints, or any sort of limits, is beneficial and leads to solutions. 

In fact, "much creativity emerges from constraint satisfaction. ... Einstein had one of his major breakthroughs when he realized that time need not pass at a constant rate."

So space with not too much in it is probably better for the mind to function.  It often seems that fewer toys in a space are more easily played with than an overwhelming amount of toys.

So I moved out all of the books between Chana's reading level and Elazar's reading level.  Like all the exciting sci-fi books I hope Elazar might pick up one day.  Then I started putting more books away, like limudei kodesh things that I might want, but will not be much use to a child who stumbles over it.  Like the chumashim that Chana is not using but Elazar is not up to.  As I scooped those up, I kept a Bereshis out.  Elazar walked by it and asked what it was.  I told him it is his Chumash.  He got excited and asked immediately to start learning it.  

Then I started looking for our aleph bina.  I figured he'll probably be wanting to sit down and start learning to read periodically.  But I can't find it.  I'm sure I had it out last year when he was interested in the aleph beis.  But I don't know where it is!  I can't imagine where it went.  

As I was hunting for the aleph bina, Elazar found "Hungry, Hungry Hippos" and the boys started playing that.  

But he brought the Chumash down a half an hour later and wants to learn!  

I'm so nervous.  I want it to be fun for him.  Every time I try to teach him he gets bored very quickly.  Is this normal because he is young?  Is there a method that would captivate him?

I'm figuring a five minute lesson where he enjoys it and desires more.

on unschooling and housekeeping

I've taken the boys out for a few hours every day this week.  As a result, the house looks messy, but not trashed.  I could hardly believe I've gotten to Thursday without the place looking like a tornado spiraled through it (make that 3 tornadoes and their friends :), until I realized what a difference it makes when your kids are out of the house.

My neighbor (also a homeschooler) told me a few years ago that of course the house is messier, because we are using it the entire day.  For some reason, I hadn't thought of that.  (Probably because we all know a house can be trashed in about 2 minutes, and I never realized the quantitative difference between the 2 minute trash and a day's worth of a lot of 2 minute trashes).

****
I've been thinking about Elazar's education, probably because Chana's away at camp and so I have a break from teaching her.  He's kind of interested in reading, and kind of interested in Torah, and I'm thinking about the difference between nudging him a bit vs unschooling.

My neighbor asked me about R' Winder workbooks yesterday.  I used them with the girls and we loved them.  I don't start them until the kids can read.  This is usually first grade.  Elazar is 6.  But I'm not teaching him how to read.  When he wants to, he'll teach himself or ask me or someone else to teach him.  (Not to say that when he asked me to write down "lava coloring pages" this morning so he can type it into google to search and print, that I didn't ask him what sound it started with, which he correctly identified as "L" and the next syllable, which he sounded "vvvvv...V.")

He loves music and sings a lot, yet when I sat down and layned the first pasuk in the Torah, it didn't call out to him.  He got bored.
I don't have much exposure to the Zilberman method, but I think he'd probably respond to it.  Unfortunately, I'm not trained in that method, nor do I know enough about it to implement it.

But I was thinking, what is the difference between me teaching him now, slowly, laboriously.  Pushing him, but not painfully.  Making him stretch a bit.
Or, I can wait.  And when he's 10, he'll zip through it.  Either through the R' Winder books for elementary ages, or the books designed for older children.  What might I gain by having him spend the hours now, when he's younger, as opposed to him doing more speedily and efficiently when he's older?

Classical education has the teacher stretching the student.  Not painfully, but ideally in that sweet spot right out of the comfort zone but before frustration, where they gain new skills or expand their thinking in new ways.  I was thinking this morning of the many tussles I had with both Chana and Sarah about Chumash, and how after a few years of "stretching," they got into the groove and could read and translate fairly independently.

Unschooling has the child playing, playing, playing.  The play is the essential activity through which they learn and grow and discover.  They also become interested in different areas of knowledge, and learn what they need and want in order to pursue what they want to pursue.
I think, given our home environment, it will be unlikely that Elazar will reach bar mitzva without desiring to read and understand the Torah.

Am I willing to risk that?

Some might argue that having the discipline to sit and apply himself to learning is an important skill to develop.  All I can say to that is that in my experience, playing for more years does not impact on their future ability to be self-disciplined and to apply themselves.  Sarah went from learning 45 minutes of chumash, 45 minutes of math, and 15 minutes of rashi a day (less than 2 hours, not in a row) to sitting from 8am-5pm.  And homework.  With no trouble at all.
Probably the fact that this was her choice had an effect.  I would hope that my education includes enough of a sense of responsibility that applying themselves diligently to work to support themselves would be their choice, too.

Another argument is that perhaps my son is old enough for chinuch and I am not educating him to immerse himself in Torah.  I have numerous thoughts on this so maybe it would be better to have it its own post.

another great idea i may follow through on

I just read this blog post and it has inspired me: month-by-month decluttering

So I wrote up a little schedule for myself, and why not make it a little more permanent by popping it up on the internet, for other people who might possibly find it useful.

I've actually done a serious amount of decluttering in the last bunch of years, to the point of hiring an organizer twice while I was pregnant with my 5th child to get things under control before he was born, and reading a few books on the subject.  I can say now that I am wildly better at housekeeping than I was when I had one kid.  I would not call myself good at it yet.

My general goals were: to be able to clean any trashed room in under half an hour (such as a basement full of toys), to be able to straighten the house if unexpected company is coming by in 10-15 minutes, and to be able to walk through the house without avoiding things on the floor (that actually takes about 3-4 pick ups a day).

Despite my great beginnings, and slowly working on flylady, it does still have a tendency to get overwhelming if I'm not on top of things daily.  Which is understandable, considering I have supremely active 6, 3, and 2 year old boys who are in the house most of the day.  (Chana thankfully has learned to police her brass.)

So here is my schedule:

1. my bedroom: July

-surfaces

-floor

-ari's closet

-my night table

-laundry basket

-under the bed?

2. boys' bedroom: August

-under the bed

-3 shelves

-clothes

-dresser

3. office: September

-my closet

-my dresser

-surfaces

-ari's desk?

-floor

-toy bin

-boys' clothes

4. basement: October

5. living room: November

-bookshelf

-computer desk

-behind the couch

-floor

6. dining room: December

-door to downstairs

-corner

-blue furniture

-surfaces

-filing cabinet

-wine cabinet

7. bathrooms: January

8. sunroom: February

-behind couch

-clutter

-corner

9. storage rooms: March

10. kitchen: April

-cabinets

-surfaces

-fridge and freezer

-microwave cart

-floor

-laundry room

11. pantry, shared room: May

12. cars, linen closet: June

reframing

This morning my house was a disaster and we didn't even host seuda this year!  It took me 2.5 hrs to clean up.  This is not because cleanup of two and a half rooms takes that long.  It's because morning, even when we aren't planning to leave the house, is pretty "need" intense with the kids.  Breakfast, elimination, setting up for different activities.. until everyone gets settled in, it's lots of demands (and many mornings, lots of crying as I try to juggle everything).  Add to the mix that frequently I am in no mood to straighten up in the evenings, the house looks pretty wrecked until I get to clean it up.  This morning I also cajoled Jack into having his hair cut, which involved playing him running away and me chasing him around when it got too intense for him.

Anyway, as I picked up crumpled wrappers, large crumbs, and confetti, I was thinking, "my house is a disaster and we didn't even host seuda!"  It looked like we had partied hard here yesterday.  And I began to think.. What if, every morning, as I cleaned up the rather giant mess of the day before, I thought to myself about how we had partied hard yesterday?  What if I felt the satisfaction of cleaning up after a joyful, fun day?  What if i reframed our family mess as a party mess, every day?  Did we have fun? Yes.  Did we play hard?  Yes.  Was it awesome?  Yes!  Is there the next morning cleanup?  Yes.  But cleaning up while reflecting on what a great time we all had is a different vibe.

housework and chumash

last night i had the pleasure of having ari do rashi with chana while i cleaned the house.  i asked chana at 5pm to do it, she said 6:30, at 7 i got to it.  then i decided to vacuum instead.  so i buckled jack into the stroller, handed aharon to ari while he was listening to chana whine through rashi, and got to work.  20 min later the first floor was fairly neat.  now i know why i don't do it.  it takes me 4x as long as that, plus breaks to attend to the kids, plus they follow me around dumping what i just put away. 

this morning, i wanted to do chumash pretty early.  chana said it's too early.  i told her that she had all day yesterday, and the whining that went on was just intolerable.  so she chose a time: in 10 minutes.  i was counting down those minutes. 

we did review of a few of the recent pesukim.  i would have loved to review all of chamishi but it is toooo looong.  just reviewing 6 pesukim made her cranky, and she didn't have a lot of emotional energy to do new pesukim.  i always wonder how to set it up.  i tend to mix it up a bit, because she runs out of emotional energy much earlier than i think she "ought" to, and then she gets cranky and unwilling.  if we would have started with new pesukim, she probably would have done more AND enjoyed it more.  but then she would have no steam for chazara.  so she only made it through 3 new pesukim, then we took a break and did rashi. 

she's doing a lot of rashis.  with nekudos.  she said, "all these rashis are not helping me finish the chumash."  i said, "but they are helping you learn rashi."

we had to take a break during rashi because jack kept attacking aharon and i took some time to play with jack to take the edge off the aggression.