Succos

You're catching me here in a season of doubt and concern.  As the kids (Elazar really) move on to new intellectual and emotional stages, I fear that unschooling won't work, that leaving things alone is not demonstrating trust that Torah is interesting enough that they will desire it if left alone; instead, I fear that it gives the kids the impression that it is not a priority.

We bought lulav sets for both Jack and Elazar this year.  Jack had one last year (he is careful) and Elazar is now 11. 

At first they were excited.  They made the bracha and were very happy.

I had them go to shul and just go in for hallel.  I love hallel, it's short, there is singing, and there is shaking lulav. 

Well, after one time, the boys were disgusted and dreading it.  Ari and I discussed it and felt that it's not a huge imposition and they should go the second day, too.  By chol hamoed, I just had them make the bracha and we sang the verses of hallel with the shaking and did that.  By the last day, we just bentched lulav and picked it up.  Both expressed relief that it was over.

So here I am, hovering between "it wasn't so burdensome and we were mechanech them" and "this is exactly the opposite effect I wanted for them--instead of loving mitzvos, they didn't like it and are glad to be done with it."

For next year, we can make it optional (and E can pick it up at bar mitzva when he is obligated).  Or we can say, this is what we do now.

Again, I don't think either way will greatly make a difference.  But waffling between two methodologies doesn't sit so well with me, either. (Though I have often found that a lot of parenting is penduluming between extremes, always striving for balance and moderation.)  It really speaks to my general feelings of being insecure about unschooling.  And I do know that unschooling is compromised if there is pressure and nudging.  A child does not really feel free if there are expectations.  A child does not pursue with appetite and joy when being fed things that are not appetizing to them.

It seems to me that pushing a little ends up with both negatives: they don't end up with the chinuch, the skills, the knowledge, the ability.  And they do get a taste of the dread and the dislike.