Davening Goals

Davening has a way of clarifying goals.  I've been trying to figure out the easiest way for Elazar to learn how to leyn.  He'll be 12 soon.  I started learning his parsha and the first aliyah is SO MUCH more difficult than the last 3 pesukim of maftir.  I started focusing on the trope because he wanted to go to the ice cream store.  I said I'll take him every couple of weeks and we'll learn the trope.  All the boys are doing it together and we've been enjoying ice cream.

One of the things I've been davening for is that Elazar should have an easy time grasping and remembering the trope, and that it should come easily to him.  That's not something that's in human control.

I realized as I was davening about it this morning, that if I could fast forward fifteen years into the future, and see that Elazar loves to learn Torah, is shomer mitzvos, can make parnassah, and has the promise of a loving and healthy relationship, then I wouldn't care a whit if he could leyn or not.

My 2010 educational goals (seems like it's about time for a conscious re-evalution; a lot has shifted in almost a decade) already need a reboot because I discovered via the turbulent teen years that I had focused on love of learning and shortchanged love of mitzvos.  One of my most frequent tefilos is that my children should love Torah AND mitzvos. 

This doesn't just work by invoking Divine Intervention (though tefila acknowledges that human efforts are essentially insufficient for success).  It focuses me every day.  When I daven that my children should love mitzvos, it affects how I speak about mitzvos.  It affects my relationship with mitzvos.  It helps me pay attention to how mitzvos are good and useful and keeps my attitude more positive.  It frames how I speak to them about mitzvos.  Basically, davening strongly affects how these conversations and interactions go--in a laws of nature kind of way.

Davening about leyning this morning was a weird experience.  I've davened for it before, because I find that davening helps ME keep a value or goal in the forefront of my mind.  It's easier for me to keep motivated about practicing the trope with him when I davened for it that morning.  Years ago my Rabbi mentioned that when asking God for something, the first question to ask ourselves is, "Have I done everything possible according to the laws of nature to achieve this?"  It's kind of chutzpadik to lie in bed staring at the window and davening that Hashem should open the window for me.  Get out of bed and open the window! (If you can't, have physical disability or emotional resistance, then of course davening is not chutzpadik.) (And [sidepoint] it's also okay to be chutzpadik in davening, too.)

This time, while davening, I was just hit with the feeling of What If I were to know that leyning wouldn't work out for him, but I got my usual tefila answered--that he loves Torah and Mitzvos?

It was clear to me what the answer is.

Not to say that I plan to stop trying to facilitate his leyning.  I think if it's not too painful or too stressful*, participating in minyan in the fullest way possible is an important part of being grown up and being part of the community.
(*Big IF)

But it's an important perspective.