Something that comes up when people worry about unschooling is: What if the kid grows up and feels that the parent has abdicated responsibility for educating them and the parent should have done a better job and forced them?
I've tried to explain that when unschoolers want to know something and feel like they need it, they simply pursue it. Ask for help if they need. (For example, when Chen took a college course and realized she didn't know exactly how to write an essay, she asked me to run through it with her and I told her about introductions, stating points, backing them up, and conclusions, and she began writing essays.) Today I read something by Caren Knox and it gave insight as to why this is and how it works and it absolutely resonated with my experience (bolding is mine):
Someone said that they find watching their children feeling bad about failing painful. She responded:
One thing I’ve noticed in most long-time unschoolers I’ve known is that they inherently understand that they’re learning all the time, and that they experience not reaching goals or not quite getting something, not as personal failure or a shortcoming, but as one step in learning. I doubt they’d even be able to express that, unless they’re particularly self-reflective; for them, taking “failure” personally isn’t part of their experience of life. (This, of course, also depends on the personality of the child. What I’m saying is what I’ve noticed, generally speaking.)
They’re able to assess what happened without self-recrimination. “Oh, I didn’t know xyz was part of this thing I’m trying. Now I know, so this time I’ll add in xyz and maybe it’ll work now.” “Jeez, I am not so great at organizing this thing. I’ll ask Banu how they did it for the thing they did.” [<——- Very doubtful any unschooler has said anything like this out loud. This is my clumsy attempt at portraying the inner, perhaps even unnoticed by them, thoughts of an unschooler facing something not working as they planned or imagined.]
In school, something not working means FAILURE. You had one chance, and you screwed up, so that’s it. You get an F or a C or some other measurement that means you did not get this thing, and you will not get this thing, because this is the only time in the curriculum this is done. And people seem to think that means something about you personally. “You’re bad at math.” “You’ll never be an engineer.” “You’re slow.” “You’re a bad student.” “You are falling behind.” “You have a disability.”
Unschoolers have experienced life differently. There is plenty of time to do what they’re trying, so not getting it the first time means they can assess and try again, learning each time. (They might learn they don’t want to do that thing as much as they thought they did.) If they see they’re not skilled in a certain area, it doesn’t mean that *they* are failures; they can choose to learn about that, or ask for help, or outsource, or all of those.
Most always-radically unschooled kids or long-time radical unschoolers are comfortable with the process of learning, which often involves failure.
It’s like a lot of video games. You move your character through obstacles, and if you fail, there’s another life right there for you to take what you learned (“Whoa, a Goomba comes at me there”) and make different choices (“I’ll kick this Koopa shell first, then go”). There’s no real-life failure or death, and there are infinite opportunities for you to start over (or from a save point) and take another go at it.
Showing posts with label multimedia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label multimedia. Show all posts
Thursday, September 12, 2019
Thursday, April 11, 2019
Online Pornography & Chinuch Part II
Here is Part I
The reason I asked experienced unschoolers about their thoughts on pornography is because in general, radical unschoolers don't restrict media. Their attitude towards screentime, video games, shows, movies, youtube, is that it is all educational. They aren't alarmed by violent video games, violent movies (if the child seems emotionally able to handle it), playing video games "all day long." They also are relaxed about "junk food." And bedtimes. And so many other things. They are extremely sensitive to prioritizing relationships, and strive to have healthy relationships in the family and good communication, and responsiveness to the children's needs. So I wanted to hear what unschoolers have to say about pornography. Anything that society thinks is "bad" is not necessarily harmful, and unschoolers often have a very different way of looking at things, and I wondered about their approach.
Before I get into that, I want to share a halachic approach. I found this podcast extremely useful:
Intimate Judaism: Masturbation, Sexual Health, & Halacha: Is There a Conflict?
From the unschoolers I got advice:
The reason I asked experienced unschoolers about their thoughts on pornography is because in general, radical unschoolers don't restrict media. Their attitude towards screentime, video games, shows, movies, youtube, is that it is all educational. They aren't alarmed by violent video games, violent movies (if the child seems emotionally able to handle it), playing video games "all day long." They also are relaxed about "junk food." And bedtimes. And so many other things. They are extremely sensitive to prioritizing relationships, and strive to have healthy relationships in the family and good communication, and responsiveness to the children's needs. So I wanted to hear what unschoolers have to say about pornography. Anything that society thinks is "bad" is not necessarily harmful, and unschoolers often have a very different way of looking at things, and I wondered about their approach.
Before I get into that, I want to share a halachic approach. I found this podcast extremely useful:
Intimate Judaism: Masturbation, Sexual Health, & Halacha: Is There a Conflict?
From the unschoolers I got advice:
- to definitely begin conversations about online content and pornography.
- to be very careful to not be accusatory or to engender feelings of guilt
- that there is a lot of material online that a kid can stumble onto and be overwhelmed by
- that filters don't stop that, and conversation is probably the best approach
Given that, I had my first conversation about it. I told E that now that his body is changing, it's time to talk about pornography on the internet. (This is part of many ongoing conversations we've been having about changing bodies.) I asked him if he knows what pornography is, and he said people having sex on camera. I made 4 points:
- When you get older, if you see pornography, you can feel sexually excited, which means...(I trailed off here and 7yo helpfully supplied, "like you want to do the thing that makes babies?") (7yo asked if he should leave the room when I started by saying, "Now that your body is starting to change, it's time to have a conversation." But I said, Nah, he can stay if he wants.)
- There is a lot of pornography which is disturbing or scary or uncomfortable. We reviewed what to do any time he sees something that makes him uncomfortable: Close it and walk away, and come and get me and tell me if you want to discuss it. (I wonder if I should be more forceful about telling them that it's important to talk to me about it, or if it's okay to leave it to their discretion. I guess it depends on how disturbing whatever they come across is.) (This is something that the unschooling ladies thought was very important to convey to my kids--that they could come across things that could potentially scare or disturb them, and they should be prepared for that and have agency to close it down and know that there is parental support available.)
- If you ever see anything that you have questions about, come and ask me and we can talk about it.
- Pornography is usually acting, which means the women are acting like they enjoy it and not necessarily enjoying it, and the way things happen in pornography is not actually how it really is in real life. (Conversations to follow about checking if someone likes it, both verbally and nonverbally, and more about communication and paying attention to what your partner likes and communicating what you like and don't like. But that's not for now.)
Online Pornography & Chinuch Part I
So we are heading into the "I'm totally inexperienced" portion of parenting again. Since my oldest is in her twenties, it's been a while since I've felt myself in this position, even though every child is different and there are always new challenges.
I have three younger brothers, so I have always had a sense of little boys and what they are like. However, I got married young and did not live with them when they were teens. I was already dating my husband at the oldest of my brother's bar mitzva.
So just as I never had a boy's education regarding mishna and gemara (though I did learn mishna in elementary school and some gemara post-high school), I really am not sure what I'm doing in terms of male puberty, male teenager-ness, all sorts of things. Ari does have some strong ideas (one of the more salient that no 7th grade son of his shall ever be bored out of his mind in gemara) but day-to-day, I'm in the trenches with them. And I'm kind of feeling my way.
It's been my experience that when I learn on the job, the oldest one suffers. I can't get experience until I get experience, and that perforce means mistakes.
With that intro, I recently began the murky world of navigating online pornography.
We allow unlimited multimedia in our home. (Here are our basic internet safety guidelines.) We do not have filters on our devices. (I actually recently checked, and all of the computers default on the google browser to "safe browsing," and I changed 11yo's tablet to safe browsing, too.) When they were young, we had only desktops and no tablets allowed in bedrooms. But when teenagers start cocooning, they need privacy, they like to be on screens, and easily get around restrictions.
How to achieve self regulation? How to achieve thoughtfulness? How to avoid "going down the rabbit hole" of pornography? Is that something a parent can influence?
As my sons get older, I've been wondering how to talk to them about it, what approach to take. I have begun asking around and gathering information.
The first thing I did was ask a family with 3 boys, ages 17-21. I got some very good advice:
I have three younger brothers, so I have always had a sense of little boys and what they are like. However, I got married young and did not live with them when they were teens. I was already dating my husband at the oldest of my brother's bar mitzva.
So just as I never had a boy's education regarding mishna and gemara (though I did learn mishna in elementary school and some gemara post-high school), I really am not sure what I'm doing in terms of male puberty, male teenager-ness, all sorts of things. Ari does have some strong ideas (one of the more salient that no 7th grade son of his shall ever be bored out of his mind in gemara) but day-to-day, I'm in the trenches with them. And I'm kind of feeling my way.
It's been my experience that when I learn on the job, the oldest one suffers. I can't get experience until I get experience, and that perforce means mistakes.
With that intro, I recently began the murky world of navigating online pornography.
We allow unlimited multimedia in our home. (Here are our basic internet safety guidelines.) We do not have filters on our devices. (I actually recently checked, and all of the computers default on the google browser to "safe browsing," and I changed 11yo's tablet to safe browsing, too.) When they were young, we had only desktops and no tablets allowed in bedrooms. But when teenagers start cocooning, they need privacy, they like to be on screens, and easily get around restrictions.
How to achieve self regulation? How to achieve thoughtfulness? How to avoid "going down the rabbit hole" of pornography? Is that something a parent can influence?
As my sons get older, I've been wondering how to talk to them about it, what approach to take. I have begun asking around and gathering information.
The first thing I did was ask a family with 3 boys, ages 17-21. I got some very good advice:
- They don't want to navigate it alone; they want parental guidance [both secular and halachically]
- They want to be left alone to figure things out themselves without their parents angsting about what they're doing
(I realize there is some contradiction. I asked more than one person and it's important to remember that even in the same family, different kids have different needs) - They do not want to feel like their parents are upset or horrified
- It's really important to feel comfortable, like you can bring up questions to your parents and have a conversation about it, and they won't freak out. And that the parents will give them information. And that the parents won't be worrying about everything.
Armed with that information, I asked some seasoned unschoolers what their approach is. That will be Part 2.
Thursday, January 24, 2019
How is Unschooling Going? Age 11
I'm on a group and someone new asked: Does anyone have any ideas on how to motivate a 2e kid who isn’t?! 10 yo boy...
I wrote an answer and I figured I'd share here.
My 11yo is severe ADHD. I've pretty much given up trying to teach him anything (he starts getting tics or destroying things if he sits for five minutes).
I give him unlimited video games--he learns a ton from there. Access to youtube--he looks up lots of things he wants to know and watches a lot of science and social studies [and a lot of other 'nonsense' but he ends up being well "read" with a fantastic vocabulary].
I'm always hanging about if he wants to tell me things and discuss what he's watching, doing or thinking about. A ton of his learning comes from me just sitting around doing my own thing and pausing when he comes over and being a person to bounce things off of or for him to share something he just watched that he's very enthusiastic about.
I daven out loud sitting next to him every morning while he plays video games. Some mornings he sings along with me. Very rarely. Sometimes he hums the tunes to himself as I walk away. Some mornings he decides he absolutely must go visit the neighbor right when I start davening.
I also have a ton of art supplies for him to tinker around with. Glue gun. Duct tape. Paper, scissors, stapler, lots and lots of cardboard (he collects that himself on recycle day). That's pretty much his day every day (we also do parkour outside the house 2x a week).
He's a happy kid and is thriving.
Also we eventually discovered that a mishna is great because it's very, very short. He learns one mishna most nights but that's after years and years of really not doing anything official--and he chooses to do it. If he's resistant, we don't do it. He gets tics.
My husband takes him to avos ubanim motzei shabbos and he reads a page of reading and hears parsha. He can still barely read hebrew. His English he somehow learned (from minecraft) but he doesn't love to read. Just enough to navigate the internet.
I have him read about 2 lines of bentching after bread if he doesn't scamper off too quickly.
Little bits, here and there, very relaxed. Me always around for conversation. We take walks where he asks deep philosophical Torah questions. He asks halacha questions very very frequently.
All in all, seeing how much anguish parents go through when their kids have trouble in school. And seeing how much the kids suffer--aside from the actual pain of sitting still, many of them suffer from anxiety and crushed self esteem. I mostly feel a shaky sense of relief and delight that Elazar is a happy, thriving, confident kid who loves learning and loves his life.
I wrote an answer and I figured I'd share here.
My 11yo is severe ADHD. I've pretty much given up trying to teach him anything (he starts getting tics or destroying things if he sits for five minutes).
I give him unlimited video games--he learns a ton from there. Access to youtube--he looks up lots of things he wants to know and watches a lot of science and social studies [and a lot of other 'nonsense' but he ends up being well "read" with a fantastic vocabulary].
I'm always hanging about if he wants to tell me things and discuss what he's watching, doing or thinking about. A ton of his learning comes from me just sitting around doing my own thing and pausing when he comes over and being a person to bounce things off of or for him to share something he just watched that he's very enthusiastic about.
I daven out loud sitting next to him every morning while he plays video games. Some mornings he sings along with me. Very rarely. Sometimes he hums the tunes to himself as I walk away. Some mornings he decides he absolutely must go visit the neighbor right when I start davening.
I also have a ton of art supplies for him to tinker around with. Glue gun. Duct tape. Paper, scissors, stapler, lots and lots of cardboard (he collects that himself on recycle day). That's pretty much his day every day (we also do parkour outside the house 2x a week).
He's a happy kid and is thriving.
Also we eventually discovered that a mishna is great because it's very, very short. He learns one mishna most nights but that's after years and years of really not doing anything official--and he chooses to do it. If he's resistant, we don't do it. He gets tics.
My husband takes him to avos ubanim motzei shabbos and he reads a page of reading and hears parsha. He can still barely read hebrew. His English he somehow learned (from minecraft) but he doesn't love to read. Just enough to navigate the internet.
I have him read about 2 lines of bentching after bread if he doesn't scamper off too quickly.
Little bits, here and there, very relaxed. Me always around for conversation. We take walks where he asks deep philosophical Torah questions. He asks halacha questions very very frequently.
All in all, seeing how much anguish parents go through when their kids have trouble in school. And seeing how much the kids suffer--aside from the actual pain of sitting still, many of them suffer from anxiety and crushed self esteem. I mostly feel a shaky sense of relief and delight that Elazar is a happy, thriving, confident kid who loves learning and loves his life.
Friday, December 29, 2017
Roblox is a great game. & internet safety
Aharon, first grade, is playing Roblox and is manager of a pizza store. He plays this for hours a day. Apparently, he just wrote this sign for all his employees (who are other real people; it's a multiplayer game):
We need more cashiers and cooks
less suppliers
So in addition to spelling and written communication, he also is practicing employee management and economics.
He tells me that after he wrote this, people stopped being suppliers and staffed the jobs he needed.
I was going to end there, but after a conversation I had recently, it's a good place to discuss my approach to filters and internet rules.
We have no filters on our computers or tablets. I (at this point in time) really appreciate access to information and value their ability to search online for all sorts of things. I think that access to information is important. And I hope to discuss moderation and self regulation with them as the antidote to multimedia issues.
All desktops are in the main area of the house, for easier adult awareness of what's going on. At this age, no tablets or laptops are permitted in their rooms. My daughters began having their devices in their rooms at around 14, which is also when they began choosing to watch content that I thought was a little too adult for them and they disagreed with me. I don't know what will be with the boys at that age because of the pornography issue, and we will have to give some thought to an approach.
We allow unlimited screen time and if they watch something where I feel uncomfortable, we talk about it or I ask them to please turn it off (if the content has a lot of cursing or sexual talk).
Regarding Roblox or games where they can chat with other players who are not known to them in real life. (And now we just got an xbox live account so they can game with their uncle.) Basic internet safety:
My goal is not to prevent them from being accosted or shown uncomfortable or sexual things. My assumption is that they will come across that on the internet, and they should be comfortable and confident about what to do when it happens.
We need more cashiers and cooks
less suppliers
So in addition to spelling and written communication, he also is practicing employee management and economics.
He tells me that after he wrote this, people stopped being suppliers and staffed the jobs he needed.
I was going to end there, but after a conversation I had recently, it's a good place to discuss my approach to filters and internet rules.
We have no filters on our computers or tablets. I (at this point in time) really appreciate access to information and value their ability to search online for all sorts of things. I think that access to information is important. And I hope to discuss moderation and self regulation with them as the antidote to multimedia issues.
All desktops are in the main area of the house, for easier adult awareness of what's going on. At this age, no tablets or laptops are permitted in their rooms. My daughters began having their devices in their rooms at around 14, which is also when they began choosing to watch content that I thought was a little too adult for them and they disagreed with me. I don't know what will be with the boys at that age because of the pornography issue, and we will have to give some thought to an approach.
We allow unlimited screen time and if they watch something where I feel uncomfortable, we talk about it or I ask them to please turn it off (if the content has a lot of cursing or sexual talk).
Regarding Roblox or games where they can chat with other players who are not known to them in real life. (And now we just got an xbox live account so they can game with their uncle.) Basic internet safety:
- don't tell your real name
- don't tell your age
- don't tell your location
- don't tell your time zone (this can give them hints about your location)
- assume that the person you are talking to might be a 35 year old man, even if they say they are a little girl or a little boy
- if someone says something, does something, or shows you something that makes you feel uncomfortable, walk away and tell me immediately
- don't put people on your xbox friends list (or facebook, back in the day) if you haven't met them personally (as kids get older, they do "friends of friends," but we talk about the risks that may be involved in that)
My goal is not to prevent them from being accosted or shown uncomfortable or sexual things. My assumption is that they will come across that on the internet, and they should be comfortable and confident about what to do when it happens.
Monday, December 21, 2015
elazar's tablet
Elazar wanted a game on the computer (Geometry Dash). Our computer is not top of the line, and apparently the program that you need so you can have apps on desktops doesn't work on our computer because our graphics are not advanced enough. So Elazar decided to save up for a tablet. He's 8. Chana bought herself an ipad when she was 12, half with money she had saved up plus half given to her by us for babysitting for a year for me while I taught. The boys have no phones, no tablets, and no ipads. Even though I allow unlimited TV and unlimited video games (we have gamecube and my brother lent us his xbox about a year ago) and unlimited computer, the kids are not allowed to touch our phones and they are restricted to the desktop in the main area and my old chromebook whose screen is green and wobbly. And there are 2 or 3 Nintendo DS's lying around, but nobody has used them in a while. Jack (not yet 6) has a Nintend 2DS that he saved up for for about 2 years.
Elazar finally saved up about 78 dollars since Rosh Hashana and wanted to buy himself a tablet. I agreed to get him one and found one for a good price. It was such a good price I almost bought one or two more for the other boys. But I feel strongly that devices have to be earned. Chana got her first computer because I was on bedrest and my brother gave her his old one for being my go-fer for 8 weeks. She got her second computer as a siyum for Shmos. She will get her upgraded computer (it's been about 4 years) when she finishes Devarim. So I held off and didn't get the boys tablets. I was waiting to give Elazar his tablet for Pesach. (We don't do birthday gifts or Chanuka gifts but we do give a gift for Rosh Hashana, Succos, Shemini Atzeres, Pesach, and Shavuos.)
Today, Elazar realized that he himself was paying for it, so he shouldn't have to wait until Pesach. I thought that was an excellent point. However, I wanted to give it to him for some type of siyum. I mentioned that if he ever finishes halacha yomi, I will get him a top of the line gaming computer so that he can play the latest version of minecraft (ours is so slow and old we need to run a previous version; I am not sure what they are up to but we can run 8 and not 11 or something like that). I told him it took Chana almost 7 years to learn the Chamisha Chumshei Torah, so it will take years to go through all of Shulchan Aruch. So we were trying to think of what he can do for the tablet. Since he still can't read, I asked him what he thought about reading Shema. He thought that was a good idea.
When we got home, the tablet had arrived. Elazar tried it out and he loves it. (Unfortunately, it has speech-to-text, which means he won't need to learn how to write for searches anymore.)
When he started reading Shema, I realized that it was going to take him a while to gain enough fluency to earn his tablet. And it might be a good idea if he wouldn't have to wait until completing Shema to use the tablet, so that he doesn't get discouraged and give up. Why not read some and then earn an hour of playtime? He's been reading a line and earning an hour. I set the timer. Then he wants to read another line and earn an hour. He's basically doing the same multimedia use that he generally does, but he's been reading to earn time.
I assume this is not strictly in the spirit of unschooling, where I would not be pushing him to read Hebrew before he himself feels like doing it. I guess I'm still a bit too chicken to do that.
On the other hand, I feel pretty strongly that it is so easy to spoil the kids in our society full of abundance. Kids used to have to help for hours with chores that were necessary for survival. Adults used to have to spend a day baking bread and a day doing laundry by the river. Now kids have so much free time and so little input in contributing to survival that I feel like I'm often fighting against a mentality of "בא לי"/"It's coming to me," I should get it because I want it. A sense of entitlement.
I want there to be a sense of working for it. And I want to cultivate a sense of "הוי עמלים בתורה" the area for toil is Torah. I want the excitement and delight of his first tablet forever mingled with the accomplishment of Torah.
Elazar finally saved up about 78 dollars since Rosh Hashana and wanted to buy himself a tablet. I agreed to get him one and found one for a good price. It was such a good price I almost bought one or two more for the other boys. But I feel strongly that devices have to be earned. Chana got her first computer because I was on bedrest and my brother gave her his old one for being my go-fer for 8 weeks. She got her second computer as a siyum for Shmos. She will get her upgraded computer (it's been about 4 years) when she finishes Devarim. So I held off and didn't get the boys tablets. I was waiting to give Elazar his tablet for Pesach. (We don't do birthday gifts or Chanuka gifts but we do give a gift for Rosh Hashana, Succos, Shemini Atzeres, Pesach, and Shavuos.)
Today, Elazar realized that he himself was paying for it, so he shouldn't have to wait until Pesach. I thought that was an excellent point. However, I wanted to give it to him for some type of siyum. I mentioned that if he ever finishes halacha yomi, I will get him a top of the line gaming computer so that he can play the latest version of minecraft (ours is so slow and old we need to run a previous version; I am not sure what they are up to but we can run 8 and not 11 or something like that). I told him it took Chana almost 7 years to learn the Chamisha Chumshei Torah, so it will take years to go through all of Shulchan Aruch. So we were trying to think of what he can do for the tablet. Since he still can't read, I asked him what he thought about reading Shema. He thought that was a good idea.
When we got home, the tablet had arrived. Elazar tried it out and he loves it. (Unfortunately, it has speech-to-text, which means he won't need to learn how to write for searches anymore.)
When he started reading Shema, I realized that it was going to take him a while to gain enough fluency to earn his tablet. And it might be a good idea if he wouldn't have to wait until completing Shema to use the tablet, so that he doesn't get discouraged and give up. Why not read some and then earn an hour of playtime? He's been reading a line and earning an hour. I set the timer. Then he wants to read another line and earn an hour. He's basically doing the same multimedia use that he generally does, but he's been reading to earn time.
I assume this is not strictly in the spirit of unschooling, where I would not be pushing him to read Hebrew before he himself feels like doing it. I guess I'm still a bit too chicken to do that.
On the other hand, I feel pretty strongly that it is so easy to spoil the kids in our society full of abundance. Kids used to have to help for hours with chores that were necessary for survival. Adults used to have to spend a day baking bread and a day doing laundry by the river. Now kids have so much free time and so little input in contributing to survival that I feel like I'm often fighting against a mentality of "בא לי"/"It's coming to me," I should get it because I want it. A sense of entitlement.
I want there to be a sense of working for it. And I want to cultivate a sense of "הוי עמלים בתורה" the area for toil is Torah. I want the excitement and delight of his first tablet forever mingled with the accomplishment of Torah.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
warp and woof
The threads in a woven fabric, composed of the warp (threads running lengthwise) and woof (threads running crosswise) to create the texture of the fabric.
weft (sometimes woof)
Monday, January 20, 2014
homeschool vacation
I'm on vacation from the high school I teach at (1st period, 5 days a week).
Unschooling is very different than that model. It's predicated on the premise that humans enjoy learning and that they will be driven to seek knowledge and that what children pursue will lead to acquisition of knowledge in the most effortless and pleasant way.
During "vacation," Chana (7th grade) finished Parshas Shmini. She's reviewing now. We didn't do very many rashis in this parsha and I don't think she knows them very well, but perhaps she now knows what אע"פ stands for and that is great. She is also continuing along the algebra program of mathtv.com. Jack (age 4) has been counting things all over the place. He's counting and subtracting and counting in different groups to make sure they all add up the same. I assume this will eventually lead to a certain math intuition. It's kind of funny that at some point in life, a small child isn't really sure his hand always has 5 fingers.
Yesterday, when I was up to my elbows in pizza dough, with Jack helping me, Sarah (college) started playing with Jack and he started talking about his bones by his mouth. I asked her to show him some pictures of skulls and jaw bones, and Sarah pulled her ipod out of her pocket and Jack was fascinated to see what the bones looked like under the skin. He noticed there were sockets for eyes and nose, and Sarah explained that those weren't made of bone and she told him about cartilage and they squeezed their ears and noses. (Just how unbelievably cool is it that children have access to science images of whatever they want whenever they want?! In their pockets!! What a world we live in!)
Jack is also (and Aharon, age 2) asking me to run through the aleph beis flashcards nearly every day. He's learning a few of them, too. Personally, I don't care whether he learns them or not, at this age. He also keeps looking over my shoulder when I'm reading and pointing out different letters. Also, during commercials, he keeps seeing letters that he knows and shouting them out. I'm not teaching him anything (though of course, when he asks me which letter that is, I answer). Even before I unschooled, I always considered 4 an age where I don't really have to actively teach anything, and I find a lot of kids learn the letters somehow and get a rudimentary grasp of biology and body systems.
Elazar (grade 1) woke me up this morning at 8am (I'm grateful he held himself off for so long) because he needed help writing. He has a piece of paper with a few words that he writes frequently, but he needed some more words. He's discovered that when he creates games, he can make a text box pop up and taunt the player (Hahaha! Bowser will get you!). Also, he needed some help for some of his google searches.
So "vacation" doesn't really end up being different from any other day.
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Killing Monsters by Gerard Jones: book review
An unschooling mom suggested this book to me when we were talking about violent shooting games for her 13yo and I asked her why she allowed them. My boys are currently 6, almost 4, and 2. So violent games are not really on their radar now.
As I've encountered so frequently in the past, what people say about the book gives me a certain feeling about a book, which is completely different than how I feel when I actually read the book. I was reluctant to read Freud for years, feeling that he was arrogant and obnoxious. In reality, when I read him inside, I found him charming. The reviews of Killing Monsters either felt what he said was obvious and simplistic, or they raved about how wonderfully he defends violent video games. I had a completely different experience reading the book.
Of special note is his analysis of the research that states that violent video games and media lead to violent behavior. He makes a compelling case that the research is insufficient, out of date, too simplistic and incorrectly interpreted. He discusses how nuanced the range of violence is (from Tom & Jerry to slasher films, from a few punches to lots of blood) and how inaccurately the ensuing "violent behavior" was diagnosed, and how we would really have to categorize each type and study the effects in better designed studies.
In order to better explain how this book affected me, I should explain that 17 years ago I started off parenting opposed to all multimedia. In general I felt that it's preferable to make up games and stories rather than watch or play them. I hoped to avoid all movies, books and TV shows that encouraged fantasy, preferring stories that dealt with conflicts that children have and present emotionally healthy resolutions.
My first misconception was that children are blank slates and that they won't have unrealistic fantasies without being exposed to them. I eventually came to see the absurdity of that, and realized that there is an inherent human struggle between fantasy and reality, and this is a human conflict that every person will wrestle with, regardless of how many or how few movies and stories that person has been exposed to. (However, I still felt that there is no need to go out of my way to show them to my children, and thought there might be a possibility that a fantasy might be unhealthily concretized by a movie or story.)
Gerard Jones brought up Bruno Bettelheim and how he wrote about the psychological value of fairy tales. I had heard of the book but never read it. I wonder if I should read it now. I've now been looking at all entertainment through the lenses of Killing Monsters and I feel like I'd been looking at everything too literally and completely missing the point and not understanding what it does emotionally for children (and probably for adults, too).
I am not certain I understand exactly what the book says about the benefit of violent games and stories. At times I found what he said incredibly insightful and eye opening, and at times I felt he was unclear or contradictory or not really on point psychologically.
What I gained from the book:
1. Stories help kids deal with fears and conflicts by playing with them.
Children have their internal aggression to cope with, and are concerned about violence in society. Stories that show people being violent are a relief because then they know other people are thinking about it, too. Media expresses the fears that kids have and makes them explicit.
The stories also play with different endings and possibilities. It shows that these thoughts are not inherently scary, but part of the range of human possibility.
2. Really insightful analyses of girl action fantasies and of Pokemon.
I never really understood why the girls have to be so scantily clad. It turns out it's not just for hormonal young lads. He explained the incredible fascination with Buffy the Vampire Slayer and how it plays with girl power and being sexy/attractive and physically and mentally powerful at the same time.
His explanation of Pokemon showed me how it is a metaphor for childhood and how no matter what type of mood or personality, there is a pokemon that matches it. And how it's a metaphor for growing up, and learning to work with unruly aspects of themselves that refuse to stay in their pokeballs. He also explained why Misty was such a beloved character. I always felt that characters that displayed immaturity or explosiveness or thoughtlessness were not good role models because they "teach" children that it's okay to behave that way. What I missed is that seeing characters struggling through life with their explosiveness etc. is exactly what children are thirsty for. They are so relieved that their conflicts are being expressed.
3. How important play is, and how media gives children forms to play with.
I don't think that Gerard Jones said this explicitly, but based on what I read in Playful Parenting, play is vitally important to help children sort through their emotions. Play is the best way and the most fun way and the easiest way. Perhaps the most valuable thing that multimedia provides are paradigms that children seize upon and use in their own play. He brings the example of his own five year old son fusing Power Rangers and Teletubbies to play through his desires for both power and nurturing. I saw immediately how this related to Chana playing "Marth and Roy" when she was five with the neighbor's son for hours. And how Elazar plays "Young Link" and his friend plays "Captain America." I don't know what exactly they see in these characters, what themes of power and strength, but they take them and make them theirs and play with their conflicts and fears and desires. In my opinion, although Gerard Jones doesn't say so, having children play using the characters they see is perhaps the most valuable aspect of watching media.
He does mention that comic books and movies and video games are really useful for preteens and teenagers, when it is no longer socially acceptable to play. It gives them a forum where they can playfully and fictionally deal with these thoughts and conflicts.
He did talk about when teenagers get too entrenched in it and either I didn't understand it or he wasn't clear. It does seem very important that adults be available to converse about it if the child wants, and to approach it from the standpoint of interest and not criticism. We must understand that the media is speaking to the emotions and conflicts of the child in a profound way. An example that he brought is how so many teenagers love Eminem. They are so relieved that he is expressing their rage. That they aren't alone in these overwhelming feelings. That he isn't being hypocritical. That he is real.
4. Parents are the ones who aren't distinguishing between reality and fantasy.
This was a really eye opening point. Children use stories as a way to help them process their feelings. They know the difference between hurting people in real life and hurting people on TV, and in case they don't, the first time they do so they are going to get a very quick lesson (Playful Parenting talks a lot about roughhousing and how it helps children learn appropriate force). Children who have trouble with self control and aggression will do better if they can play appropriate games for these issues. It is us parents who are concerned that because our child enjoys watching or playing killing that they might end up killing. The child knows s/he is just engaging in fantasy. Have some conversations with your child and you will see that s/he knows the difference.
Although I used to disapprove of many shows, movies, songs and other media that told stories with unhealthy or unrealistic messages, I have begun looking at them all with the question: What powerful feeling is this expressing, and what enjoyment is my child getting? What fantasy is this child playing with, and how does it reflect a frustration, concern, or stress that s/he has in real life? What does s/he LIKE about this?
Instead of threats to my children's optimal development, I now see expressions of struggles and conflicts. I see paradigms for them to play with and explore. I see meekness, power, sexuality, violence, fear, anger, love, and the full gamut of human emotion that our society tells children not to express and to control. As long as civilization demands self control, there will be stories grappling with and expressing the lack of it. And they will grip our thoughts and minds as we struggle.
As I've encountered so frequently in the past, what people say about the book gives me a certain feeling about a book, which is completely different than how I feel when I actually read the book. I was reluctant to read Freud for years, feeling that he was arrogant and obnoxious. In reality, when I read him inside, I found him charming. The reviews of Killing Monsters either felt what he said was obvious and simplistic, or they raved about how wonderfully he defends violent video games. I had a completely different experience reading the book.
Of special note is his analysis of the research that states that violent video games and media lead to violent behavior. He makes a compelling case that the research is insufficient, out of date, too simplistic and incorrectly interpreted. He discusses how nuanced the range of violence is (from Tom & Jerry to slasher films, from a few punches to lots of blood) and how inaccurately the ensuing "violent behavior" was diagnosed, and how we would really have to categorize each type and study the effects in better designed studies.
In order to better explain how this book affected me, I should explain that 17 years ago I started off parenting opposed to all multimedia. In general I felt that it's preferable to make up games and stories rather than watch or play them. I hoped to avoid all movies, books and TV shows that encouraged fantasy, preferring stories that dealt with conflicts that children have and present emotionally healthy resolutions.
My first misconception was that children are blank slates and that they won't have unrealistic fantasies without being exposed to them. I eventually came to see the absurdity of that, and realized that there is an inherent human struggle between fantasy and reality, and this is a human conflict that every person will wrestle with, regardless of how many or how few movies and stories that person has been exposed to. (However, I still felt that there is no need to go out of my way to show them to my children, and thought there might be a possibility that a fantasy might be unhealthily concretized by a movie or story.)
Gerard Jones brought up Bruno Bettelheim and how he wrote about the psychological value of fairy tales. I had heard of the book but never read it. I wonder if I should read it now. I've now been looking at all entertainment through the lenses of Killing Monsters and I feel like I'd been looking at everything too literally and completely missing the point and not understanding what it does emotionally for children (and probably for adults, too).
I am not certain I understand exactly what the book says about the benefit of violent games and stories. At times I found what he said incredibly insightful and eye opening, and at times I felt he was unclear or contradictory or not really on point psychologically.
What I gained from the book:
1. Stories help kids deal with fears and conflicts by playing with them.
Children have their internal aggression to cope with, and are concerned about violence in society. Stories that show people being violent are a relief because then they know other people are thinking about it, too. Media expresses the fears that kids have and makes them explicit.
The stories also play with different endings and possibilities. It shows that these thoughts are not inherently scary, but part of the range of human possibility.
2. Really insightful analyses of girl action fantasies and of Pokemon.
I never really understood why the girls have to be so scantily clad. It turns out it's not just for hormonal young lads. He explained the incredible fascination with Buffy the Vampire Slayer and how it plays with girl power and being sexy/attractive and physically and mentally powerful at the same time.
His explanation of Pokemon showed me how it is a metaphor for childhood and how no matter what type of mood or personality, there is a pokemon that matches it. And how it's a metaphor for growing up, and learning to work with unruly aspects of themselves that refuse to stay in their pokeballs. He also explained why Misty was such a beloved character. I always felt that characters that displayed immaturity or explosiveness or thoughtlessness were not good role models because they "teach" children that it's okay to behave that way. What I missed is that seeing characters struggling through life with their explosiveness etc. is exactly what children are thirsty for. They are so relieved that their conflicts are being expressed.
3. How important play is, and how media gives children forms to play with.
I don't think that Gerard Jones said this explicitly, but based on what I read in Playful Parenting, play is vitally important to help children sort through their emotions. Play is the best way and the most fun way and the easiest way. Perhaps the most valuable thing that multimedia provides are paradigms that children seize upon and use in their own play. He brings the example of his own five year old son fusing Power Rangers and Teletubbies to play through his desires for both power and nurturing. I saw immediately how this related to Chana playing "Marth and Roy" when she was five with the neighbor's son for hours. And how Elazar plays "Young Link" and his friend plays "Captain America." I don't know what exactly they see in these characters, what themes of power and strength, but they take them and make them theirs and play with their conflicts and fears and desires. In my opinion, although Gerard Jones doesn't say so, having children play using the characters they see is perhaps the most valuable aspect of watching media.
He does mention that comic books and movies and video games are really useful for preteens and teenagers, when it is no longer socially acceptable to play. It gives them a forum where they can playfully and fictionally deal with these thoughts and conflicts.
He did talk about when teenagers get too entrenched in it and either I didn't understand it or he wasn't clear. It does seem very important that adults be available to converse about it if the child wants, and to approach it from the standpoint of interest and not criticism. We must understand that the media is speaking to the emotions and conflicts of the child in a profound way. An example that he brought is how so many teenagers love Eminem. They are so relieved that he is expressing their rage. That they aren't alone in these overwhelming feelings. That he isn't being hypocritical. That he is real.
4. Parents are the ones who aren't distinguishing between reality and fantasy.
This was a really eye opening point. Children use stories as a way to help them process their feelings. They know the difference between hurting people in real life and hurting people on TV, and in case they don't, the first time they do so they are going to get a very quick lesson (Playful Parenting talks a lot about roughhousing and how it helps children learn appropriate force). Children who have trouble with self control and aggression will do better if they can play appropriate games for these issues. It is us parents who are concerned that because our child enjoys watching or playing killing that they might end up killing. The child knows s/he is just engaging in fantasy. Have some conversations with your child and you will see that s/he knows the difference.
Although I used to disapprove of many shows, movies, songs and other media that told stories with unhealthy or unrealistic messages, I have begun looking at them all with the question: What powerful feeling is this expressing, and what enjoyment is my child getting? What fantasy is this child playing with, and how does it reflect a frustration, concern, or stress that s/he has in real life? What does s/he LIKE about this?
Instead of threats to my children's optimal development, I now see expressions of struggles and conflicts. I see paradigms for them to play with and explore. I see meekness, power, sexuality, violence, fear, anger, love, and the full gamut of human emotion that our society tells children not to express and to control. As long as civilization demands self control, there will be stories grappling with and expressing the lack of it. And they will grip our thoughts and minds as we struggle.
Monday, September 2, 2013
Many people are concerned that allowing unlimited time on multimedia will cause children to become addicted.
- Based on the book Are You Hungry by Hirschmann and Zaphiropoulos, unlimited can lead to moderation.
- If the child is under stress, then dealing with the source of the stress (e.g. a troubled marriage or unhealthy parenting) is more fundamental than multimedia time.
- If real life has interesting, hands-on opportunities to explore things, then children will generally prefer that to spending all of their time on multimedia, if given a genuine choice between unlimited multimedia and doing fun things. (And if the emotional stresses are resolved.)
But that's not why I'm here today. That was just the intro. My daughter has a facebook page. The rules are to only accept friends she knows in real life. (An exception is a girl she met online and whom we have met on facetime or whatever app it is these days after asking her to get her mother's permission, and are thus convinced she is who she says she is.)
Whoops, I'm getting distracted. This is not a post on my multimedia policies for preteens. Educate yourself and be smart. (My personal refrain to my daughter is: "Assume the person you are talking to might be a 30 year old pedophile.")
What I wanted to say is that facebook chat has been nice for unschooling Ivrit. I speak (halting American) Hebrew to my kids. When writing Chana a note, it's been more complicated because she isn't nearly as good at reading as she is at listening comprehension. The first thing I did when she got her computer and her ipad (both earned herself) was put Hebrew language on. With gchat, I used to type in Hebrew, too, but I'm just finding with fb chat that she understands me better and is even trying to type Hebrew when she can. Maybe because she is older now.
- Based on the book Are You Hungry by Hirschmann and Zaphiropoulos, unlimited can lead to moderation.
- If the child is under stress, then dealing with the source of the stress (e.g. a troubled marriage or unhealthy parenting) is more fundamental than multimedia time.
- If real life has interesting, hands-on opportunities to explore things, then children will generally prefer that to spending all of their time on multimedia, if given a genuine choice between unlimited multimedia and doing fun things. (And if the emotional stresses are resolved.)
But that's not why I'm here today. That was just the intro. My daughter has a facebook page. The rules are to only accept friends she knows in real life. (An exception is a girl she met online and whom we have met on facetime or whatever app it is these days after asking her to get her mother's permission, and are thus convinced she is who she says she is.)
Whoops, I'm getting distracted. This is not a post on my multimedia policies for preteens. Educate yourself and be smart. (My personal refrain to my daughter is: "Assume the person you are talking to might be a 30 year old pedophile.")
What I wanted to say is that facebook chat has been nice for unschooling Ivrit. I speak (halting American) Hebrew to my kids. When writing Chana a note, it's been more complicated because she isn't nearly as good at reading as she is at listening comprehension. The first thing I did when she got her computer and her ipad (both earned herself) was put Hebrew language on. With gchat, I used to type in Hebrew, too, but I'm just finding with fb chat that she understands me better and is even trying to type Hebrew when she can. Maybe because she is older now.
Monday, May 27, 2013
the first point i forgot to make in my presentation regarding: too much TV/video games
One concern that people often have is: If I were to let my child do whatever he wants, he would sit and play video games/watch tv/play all day.
First of all, I maintain (and research backs me up) that "play" is one of the most valuable activities that a child can be involved in. It has emotional, social, cognitive and intellectual benefits. (I actually did make that point in my speech.)
But let's say your kid wants to sit and be on multimedia all day.
1. This may just be an extreme phase of finally being allowed the freedom to play/watch what is very desirable, and after a bunch of months, the child will moderate out and do more activities.
This happened to my oldest daughter. I used to be very strict, and when I finally let her, it took 10 months until she was willing to go out and play with others, or go to the park, or to the beach. At around 8 months I began to seriously panic and fear that she would do nothing but watch TV for the rest of her life. Then one day, she emerged back into life and is a moderate (towards infrequent) user of internet and TV.
(I must note that if a child is only interested in video games for years, it might be a sign that real life is stressful or not as enjoyable as virtual life, and steps should be taken to address real life and make it less stressful and more enjoyable, whether via therapy or by restructuring real life.)
2. It may be that whatever your child is involved in is having a deep and profound impact on her understanding of the world and she is learning something extremely important.
I have seen this (I did mention this point in my speech, too) with my second daughter who spent many hours rewinding and scrutinizing particular scenes in TV shows and movies and is currently involved in animation, which has subtle facial expressions and movements and interesting dialogue. I had no idea why she was doing what she was doing for so many hours and over and over, and I am so glad I didn't stop her because her brain was LEARNING something very important and very fascinating to her.
My son also gets very involved in mastering certain video games or in doing certain activities online. Usually it coincides with some cognitive development he is working on. I prefer to get out of my kids' ways and let them proceed. Their brains know what they are looking for and how to learn it.
BUT, getting to the point I forgot to make: I saw a Supernanny episode once where the parents insisted that their children would only eat chicken nuggets, wacky macs, fast food, and junk food. They said their children refused to eat anything else. Supernanny was trying to tell them that the children's behavior and health was being affected by their diets. (Personally, I had some sympathy with those parents, having done the "pizza bagel/fish stick/wacky mac" weekly menu phase numerous times.)
Supernanny brought the children to the grocery store. She introduced them to the produce section, in all its multicolored glory. The children gazed at it. They were astonished. She encouraged them to look closely, to wander through it, to choose what they think they might like to eat. They chose peppers and green beans and plums and peaches and peas and melons and berries and beets and a spaghetti squash and more-- a cornucopia of fruits and veggies. Then they went home and the kids helped cook some of them and ate some of them plain. The children enjoyed some and didn't so much like some. Many they loved and put on the grocery list for next week.
A big part of unschooling is going out into the world and exploring. Introducing your children to all sorts of things they wouldn't have access to or time for. Who knows what they will love.
First of all, I maintain (and research backs me up) that "play" is one of the most valuable activities that a child can be involved in. It has emotional, social, cognitive and intellectual benefits. (I actually did make that point in my speech.)
But let's say your kid wants to sit and be on multimedia all day.
1. This may just be an extreme phase of finally being allowed the freedom to play/watch what is very desirable, and after a bunch of months, the child will moderate out and do more activities.
This happened to my oldest daughter. I used to be very strict, and when I finally let her, it took 10 months until she was willing to go out and play with others, or go to the park, or to the beach. At around 8 months I began to seriously panic and fear that she would do nothing but watch TV for the rest of her life. Then one day, she emerged back into life and is a moderate (towards infrequent) user of internet and TV.
(I must note that if a child is only interested in video games for years, it might be a sign that real life is stressful or not as enjoyable as virtual life, and steps should be taken to address real life and make it less stressful and more enjoyable, whether via therapy or by restructuring real life.)
2. It may be that whatever your child is involved in is having a deep and profound impact on her understanding of the world and she is learning something extremely important.
I have seen this (I did mention this point in my speech, too) with my second daughter who spent many hours rewinding and scrutinizing particular scenes in TV shows and movies and is currently involved in animation, which has subtle facial expressions and movements and interesting dialogue. I had no idea why she was doing what she was doing for so many hours and over and over, and I am so glad I didn't stop her because her brain was LEARNING something very important and very fascinating to her.
My son also gets very involved in mastering certain video games or in doing certain activities online. Usually it coincides with some cognitive development he is working on. I prefer to get out of my kids' ways and let them proceed. Their brains know what they are looking for and how to learn it.
BUT, getting to the point I forgot to make: I saw a Supernanny episode once where the parents insisted that their children would only eat chicken nuggets, wacky macs, fast food, and junk food. They said their children refused to eat anything else. Supernanny was trying to tell them that the children's behavior and health was being affected by their diets. (Personally, I had some sympathy with those parents, having done the "pizza bagel/fish stick/wacky mac" weekly menu phase numerous times.)
Supernanny brought the children to the grocery store. She introduced them to the produce section, in all its multicolored glory. The children gazed at it. They were astonished. She encouraged them to look closely, to wander through it, to choose what they think they might like to eat. They chose peppers and green beans and plums and peaches and peas and melons and berries and beets and a spaghetti squash and more-- a cornucopia of fruits and veggies. Then they went home and the kids helped cook some of them and ate some of them plain. The children enjoyed some and didn't so much like some. Many they loved and put on the grocery list for next week.
A big part of unschooling is going out into the world and exploring. Introducing your children to all sorts of things they wouldn't have access to or time for. Who knows what they will love.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
multimedia and unschooling
I was thinking today about media. I'm the unschooling type who allows unlimited TV, computer, ipod, ipad, video games, whatever. (not in the bedrooms, but that's internet safety, not limiting time.) Elazar's spent a good bunch of days on the computer, to the point where I've been thinking about bringing Ari's office computer down. And I am morally opposed to a 5yo having a $500 piece of equipment for his personal use.
I was thinking guiltily (as I sometimes fall into) that if I only had the energy to clean up all his messes, to supervise painting and building and baking, he wouldn't be on the computer so much. I hide the paint (I actually just ordered new, at his request, and I haven't told him it's here because then I have to supervise it and if I'm not in the mood, he gets into it anyway and the mess is rather large), I have removed many of the toys that get spilled every single day and not cleaned up (small legos, marble run, tinkertoys, and gears. he still has large legos, wedgits, some other building toy, and lincoln logs, and blocks. It's probably a good time to rotate them, right? But then i either have to clean them or supervise cleaning them, numerous times a day). I'm often shooing him out of the kitchen when he wants to make a concoction.
Don't get me wrong. I spend plenty of time supervising art, plenty of time cleaning up and rotating toys, and plenty of time baking and baking and baking. (I don't particularly enjoy baking, and I've baked more in the last year than I have in the last 15 years combined.) But my guilt told me that if I would spend every minute doing what he wants (which would surely be at the expense of the other things that are priorities), he would choose more real-life interesting things than multimedia.
I have a couple of answers to that. First of all, I take stock. Am I truly falling down on my obligations as an educator? Am I truly being a little too passive, too lazy, too hands-off? If so, then I can give myself a little pep talk to climb back on being a present, active, involved parent.
But if it's not true, and I'm being reasonable, because I have allocated my time and energy as best as I presently can, then I remind myself that he is pursuing what is interesting to him because he is learning something. I never would have imagined that the hours (and I mean HOURS) that Chana spent rewinding and scrutinizing facial expressions on TV shows would be the foundation of animation.
It turns out I went to the library, and when I came back half an hour later he was playing in a different room, with lots of physical activity and imagination. So he really can be trusted to moderate himself and to choose a variety of activities that are good for his mind and his body.
And finally, when I thought about what he's been doing on the computer, I feel that I would like to give him the space to continue. He's extremely interested in Paint, Word, and certain miniclip games that involve reasoning and problem solving. He's been sounding out words and typing. If I get out of his way and provide him with the tools and the space and be available as a resource, he will learn in the most efficient and pleasant way that he can.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
:-)
so this morning we did 2 new pesukim with minimum fanfare. chana didn't understand how there were 2 words for "fear" (and hashem will place the fear of people on the animals) and so i substituted the word "terror" for one of them. she also noted that people do not eat grass.
then, instead of chazara, i decided to do a grand rashi chazara today. we went through all the rashis we've done since the beginning. they are:
bereshis
4:22 dh "naama" (which has the word 'ishto' in it, chana's kryptonite).
6:6 dh "and He was sad to His heart" which she is still in the middle of
6:14 dh "make for you an ark" (chana did not remember that ק"כ was 120)
7:13 dh "in the middle of this day"
8:22 dh "they will not cease" which she is still having trouble with pronunciation
i was pleasantly surprised how much she remembered and how generally accurate her pronunciation was.
i decided to give her a 4 hr break and do chazara later. hopefully we will get to it.
she brought up again about hashem knowing everything and knowing the future (i can't remember now why she brought it up) and i said that's the rashi we are doing. and she remembered that sarah answered the question and with more thought she even remembered sarah's answer. (another nice thing about homeschool is that sarah was around when chana was doing the rashi and it became a discussion amongst the 2 of them). i remember now. chana was imagining hashem creating chava from adam. and imagining the rib. and thinking it was gross. and figuring that it probably floated out of adam's body (because if hashem took it out, He probably just floated it with telekinesis) (and she fluttered her hands, making a floating rib). and then she said that hashem, if he had known that all this was going to happen, could have made a different adam. and i said that is an excellent point. and THEN we got into hashem knowing what is going to happen. or something like that.
then i said i would give her an enormous break. of 4 hours. is that satisfactory? and she said no (kidding). and i said what would be a good break. thinking she'd say til tomorrow or til after rosh hashana. but she said til she died. and then i guess i made a sad face and said, really? it's sad to me to think of you going your whole life til you die and not learning any more torah. then she started crying and hugging me and said she was kidding. and i hugged her back and thought that was an excellent opportunity to point out that so many times i'm kidding and she takes me very seriously. and that now that i understood it was a joke, it was clever. and we talked a bit about how i want her to know torah and that's why i teach it to her. and she said daddy told it to her (when he used to do parsha stories in the evenings) and she knows it already. curious, i asked her if she thought i knew all of torah (figuring if she said yes, i'd ask her why she thinks i keep studying it, hoping to lead into a discussion about basic knowledge of torah and infinite knowledge of torah). and she said no. and i asked her if she thought she knew all of torah. and she said no. but she knows a lot.
then she started asking about hashem's favorite. i wasn't sure who she meant. avraham? yaakov (yaakov is chana's favorite). no, it was moshe. and did moshe know the whole torah. and i said yes that moshe knew the whole torah.
but then i told her 2 stories that i remembered from the gemara about moshe rabbenu and rabbi akiva. one about moshe being in r' akiva's shiur and not understanding it, and hearing that it was halacha l'moshe misinai. chana asked a couple of times how it could be that moshe was dead and in r' akiva's class. i explained it didn't really happen, it's a story to explain something. (she did not ask what it meant that r' akiva was teaching something that moshe didn't understand and quoting moshe, and i didn't push it). then i told her the story about moshe seeing hashem drawing the crowns on the letters and asking hashem why, and hashem saying that r' akiva will learn things from them. then we went to google and google imaged "crowns on letters torah" and found a picture of klaf and were able to see a bunch of words with crowns on them. chana got a big kick out of the little crowns.
then, instead of chazara, i decided to do a grand rashi chazara today. we went through all the rashis we've done since the beginning. they are:
bereshis
4:22 dh "naama" (which has the word 'ishto' in it, chana's kryptonite).
6:6 dh "and He was sad to His heart" which she is still in the middle of
6:14 dh "make for you an ark" (chana did not remember that ק"כ was 120)
7:13 dh "in the middle of this day"
8:22 dh "they will not cease" which she is still having trouble with pronunciation
i was pleasantly surprised how much she remembered and how generally accurate her pronunciation was.
i decided to give her a 4 hr break and do chazara later. hopefully we will get to it.
she brought up again about hashem knowing everything and knowing the future (i can't remember now why she brought it up) and i said that's the rashi we are doing. and she remembered that sarah answered the question and with more thought she even remembered sarah's answer. (another nice thing about homeschool is that sarah was around when chana was doing the rashi and it became a discussion amongst the 2 of them). i remember now. chana was imagining hashem creating chava from adam. and imagining the rib. and thinking it was gross. and figuring that it probably floated out of adam's body (because if hashem took it out, He probably just floated it with telekinesis) (and she fluttered her hands, making a floating rib). and then she said that hashem, if he had known that all this was going to happen, could have made a different adam. and i said that is an excellent point. and THEN we got into hashem knowing what is going to happen. or something like that.
then i said i would give her an enormous break. of 4 hours. is that satisfactory? and she said no (kidding). and i said what would be a good break. thinking she'd say til tomorrow or til after rosh hashana. but she said til she died. and then i guess i made a sad face and said, really? it's sad to me to think of you going your whole life til you die and not learning any more torah. then she started crying and hugging me and said she was kidding. and i hugged her back and thought that was an excellent opportunity to point out that so many times i'm kidding and she takes me very seriously. and that now that i understood it was a joke, it was clever. and we talked a bit about how i want her to know torah and that's why i teach it to her. and she said daddy told it to her (when he used to do parsha stories in the evenings) and she knows it already. curious, i asked her if she thought i knew all of torah (figuring if she said yes, i'd ask her why she thinks i keep studying it, hoping to lead into a discussion about basic knowledge of torah and infinite knowledge of torah). and she said no. and i asked her if she thought she knew all of torah. and she said no. but she knows a lot.
then she started asking about hashem's favorite. i wasn't sure who she meant. avraham? yaakov (yaakov is chana's favorite). no, it was moshe. and did moshe know the whole torah. and i said yes that moshe knew the whole torah.
but then i told her 2 stories that i remembered from the gemara about moshe rabbenu and rabbi akiva. one about moshe being in r' akiva's shiur and not understanding it, and hearing that it was halacha l'moshe misinai. chana asked a couple of times how it could be that moshe was dead and in r' akiva's class. i explained it didn't really happen, it's a story to explain something. (she did not ask what it meant that r' akiva was teaching something that moshe didn't understand and quoting moshe, and i didn't push it). then i told her the story about moshe seeing hashem drawing the crowns on the letters and asking hashem why, and hashem saying that r' akiva will learn things from them. then we went to google and google imaged "crowns on letters torah" and found a picture of klaf and were able to see a bunch of words with crowns on them. chana got a big kick out of the little crowns.
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