I've been cranky for a couple of weeks. Crankier than I've been for years. Annoyed at my husband, feeling overwhelmed (even though, to my calculation, things are under control and actually way more manageable than in previous years).
It's 7pm and I'm kind of feeling like winding down for the night. Usually I would ask Chana when she wants to do work. I know she already did math (she says the new program is easy and boring; I hope it gets better; I'm feeling regret that maybe I should have plowed through geometry and gotten the program for Algebra II and trig; but I already bought it so she may as well do it until she tells me she wants to stop). I don't feel like asking her when she wants to do work. I don't feel like bringing it up with her.
I think that maybe I just won't ask. I'll just let the days pass until she comes to me and asks me. But then, really, how long will I hold out like that? Will I truly just let it go? Or will I lose patience and grow anxious and snap at her that we haven't done work in days(weeks)?
Or why does it have to be all or nothing? Why don't I just let it go for today and see how I feel tomorrow? I can evaluate each day. But I just feel tired. I feel like why do I go to her to ask her when she wants to do work. Why don't I treat her like the boys. Let her learn whatever she wants and she can come to me when she wants something. Already today she asked me at least 3 grammar questions, a geography question, and a whole bunch of vocabulary questions.
Part of it is that I feel that if I don't push Judaic studies, she won't come and ask for them, and she is pretty willing to learn with me if I initiate. But again, it doesn't seem like any great tragedy will happen if I let things slide for a few days. Get my bearings, relax, hang out and just calm down and chill for a bit.