anxieties et al

Chana despises and loathes prepping for the algebra regents.  I wonder why I am putting her through this.  Just because I want to prove we can?  I am positive she will pass, but I don't know if she will get above a 70.  She has to sit down and take 3 hours and do a whole test.

I'm looking forward to teaching chemistry with an eye towards understanding it in a real way + enjoyment.  I hope Chana will get a sense of what strides the field of chemistry has made in understanding how nature is the way it is.

A sad thing is that Chana doesn't really enjoy Torah learning.  I have wondered for a while if this is because I made a mistake in over emphasizing skills and under emphasizing the more enjoyable aspects of thinking about Torah.  But when I try to bring something up for discussion, she says she is bored and doesn't want to think about it.  Is this her personality?  Is this rebellion against what I am trying to promote?  Is this based on how I've chosen to educate or has nothing to do with it?  Who knows.  I daven frequently that I am able to convey our values to her and recently I started davening that she should love Torah.  I am hopeful that davening for that (in addition to possible help from above) will keep me focused and keeping an eye out for relaxed opportunities to share with Chana what is lovable about Torah.

I also hope that Chana will enjoy learning next year in the classes she takes in high school.  I also worry next year is going to be nonstop carpool.

Now moving along to Elazar worries.  He is in 2nd grade.  He is still absolutely incapable of sitting down and concentrating with zitzfleish.  I was thinking this morning that although I say he is ADHD, when I just think about himself regarding his own capabilities, and not what a child his age "should" be doing, he is happy, engaged, and learning a lot.  My nephew (age 5, and who does have the ADHD diagnosis) is being pressured to sit down and do homework and read and he's not even in 1st grade.  It pains me that an active kinesthetic learner is being unnecessarily tortured that way.  No doubt if Elazar were in school, we'd both be miserable.

I do worry that he can't sit down and learn Torah.  But I guess I have a few more years before I become really concerned.  I seem to remember that Chana's concentration and ability took a sharp leap around 3rd or 4th grade.  And really, if Elazar is incapable of sitting and focusing, what can really be done now except be frustrated?  I will continue to allow him to learn what he wants as he wants, and to see what he is receptive towards.