Sunday, September 8, 2013

post tzom gedalia chumash

Chana did shevi'i last night so she wouldn't have to do Chumash today.  Sometimes she likes to get ahead of the day's work by doing it the night before and take the next day off.

Today I asked if she was finished with the parsha.  She was.  I wanted her to go through the very few rashis we had done inside on the parsha.  I figured there were 5 and she figured 6.  But she suggested we not do it while she was fasting.  Remembering how Chumash used to go when she was hungry, I agreed.

After the fast, after 9:30, I decided instead of doing the rashis, we would just skip them and start Ki Sisa.

Well.  She wanted to wait 20 min and then do it, and I wanted to go to bed.  The pesukim had a few new phrases she didn't understand or remember, and we started bickering about kapara.  (Yes, I am aware Yom Kippur is next week.)  I said kofer nefesh is an atonement for his soul.  She asked what an atonement is.  I said it's something that brings forgiveness.  She said then why don't I just say it's a forgiveness for his soul.  I said that's not the same thing.  We went round and round like this a bit.  Anyway, she was getting more and more annoyed.  She restrained herself the entire time and did not yell at me, which I appreciated.  I limited us to 3 pesukim when a couple of more phrases began to be confusing to her.  She also asked how an atonement achieves forgiveness, and I said I need time to think about this.  Almost 10pm is not when I can answer coherently, when she is holding on to her temper by a thread.

She said afterwards that she feels like she should apologize, but she doesn't actually think she did anything wrong.  I said on the contrary, she held onto her temper admirably.  She asked if that is the case, then why did I have an expression of annoyance on my face.  I said I felt my expression was one of a person who was sitting next to someone thinking, "I want to kill you! But I'm controlling myself.  But I want to kill you! But I'm controlling myself."  Then I asked if I could hug her, and she said she didn't want a hug.  And I said that I would like a hug.  And she asked why anyone would want a hug from someone who wants to kill them.  And I said because it would reassure me.  And she said that's like asking someone who is holding a knife to you to give you a hug to reassure you.

Anyway, I still feel like I would like a hug.

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