Right now, I daven out loud. They play video games and sing along when they feel like it. I feel that having them follow along (or I even considered Elazar just standing next to me for shemona esrei and me being motzi him that way) would be excruciatingly boring for them and not confer any actual benefit. I suggested that during Avos U'Banim, when Ari has the kids for learning, he work on reading Shema, Shemona Esrei, bentching and other brachos achronos. (And Asher Yatzer, which I forgot to mention.)
The question is, will E be able to daven 3x a day with a minyan and a full davening? If not, what is the bare halachic minimum? Ari asked what about birchas Kriyas Shema. I am singing them out loud to Elazar every day. (Not maariv, but shacharis.) So he is becoming familiar with them. I don't know that making him sit with an open siddur would help, and it can definitely pain him and make him miserable. And if, at bar mitzva age, E finds he cannot focus on the whole thing and have kavana, and he hates it, then what do we recommend for him? Just Shema and Shemona Esrei 2x a day. Mincha just Shemona Esrei. Bare minimum halachic requirements.
Ari wants to make sure that E can count at a minyan. To that end, he will need to know how to respond (amens, kedusha, kaddish, etc). I suggested Ari go through that with him. Is it better to do that at the minyan or outside the minyan? (As I don't know, I leave that to Ari's discretion.)
Ari also felt that he had pushed E too much during Avos U'Banim. I told him that I had discovered from my learning with E that he enjoys learning trope outside the context of reading and translating. And he enjoys translating when he doesn't have to read (meaning you read the word to him and he translates) and he enjoys understanding the pesukim when you tell him the general translation but it loses enjoyment for him when he has to sit and decode a lot. He'd rather each word or phrase in the pasuk be read to him, ask him what the words mean and have him answer/guess, then tell him generally as a whole what the pasuk means.
I said that I think that not pushing reading and translating makes sense. Because he enjoys other aspects of learning Torah.
- If you read it to him, he likes translating some of the words if he knows them
- If you sing him the trope, he likes learning and repeating the trope
- If you tell him what the pasuk means, he enjoys thinking about it
He does NOT like reading. He does not like going slowly and translating it. Will having him do that increase the likelihood that he will learn Torah in the future?
Will having him read and decode increase his future ability to learn Torah because he will have the skills?
These are important questions. (Wish I knew the answers!) It seems to me that focusing on the parts he enjoys and not pushing the parts that pain him will keep his learning positive and enjoyable. This will increase the probability that he will learn Torah as an adult.
But what about his lacking skills? Either he will be motivated to gain skills, or he will learn using translations. My sense is that pushing the skills will more likely end up (in E's particular case) with him avoiding future Torah learning.
I said to Ari that I think focusing on the 3 types of learning that he enjoys above and avoiding what he dislikes will make him more likely to learn Torah by himself at age 25. Ari said, "Really?"
It's kind of scary to not do the "classic" educational stuff. Will we be providing him with the education necessary to be a ben Torah?
On the other hand, traditional education would be a disaster for this particular child. We are already out of the box. It's a tough line to figure out what is "pushing too hard" and what is "avoiding our responsibility to make sure he is capable of fulfilling his responsibilities." What is he capable of and what is he truly not capable of? What will foster a joy and love of Torah and what will push him away? What can he really handle and what is a good idea for him to handle?
With so many kids who have gone through the school system being disinterested, not halachically observant, not having a strong emotional and spiritual relationship to Torah, and lacking skills, at least I feel I can't do worse than that with alternative education. That's not a very high bar, though.
