I just dragged 2 garbage bags up the stairs from the basement yet again, and I think I need to reframe. Getting the basement to a state where I won't need to clean it is just not compatible with the kids' activities. Me leaving it alone and ignoring it is also not compatible with their lifestyle, because when it gets too bad, they won't work there anymore. Unschoolers have likened playspace to providing children with new canvases for artwork when they need it. When they "use it up" (i.e. make a mess), then it's time to provide them with a new, clean canvas. That's my job as parent.
I caught myself turning snappy quite a few times in the process today (though I was much better than last time). Eventually the thought occurred to me: do you want your kids to remember straightening the basement to make their new, fresh "canvas" to be a happy process? Or do you want them to remember a bitter, resentful, annoyed mommy? I'd like door A, please.
Next time I'm going to prioritize a cheerful attitude and to really work to control nastiness, snideness, meanness, snappiness, crankiness, etc. etc. etc.
In the meantime, I hope thinking of it as "making room for more creative workspace" will help me be more positive about it.
Here's the quote that I read years ago that seems to have sunk into my brain in a new way today. It's from Sandra Dodd's site:
Ok, I think I'll share my newly thought of philosophy of housework here...I was straightening up the livingroom and had just finished piling up blocks ..when my son (2) ran into the room, saw the blocks and immediately tore down the pile. I smiled and shook my head. My sister, who'd arrived in time to see this, sternly said, "Harry! Your mother just finished putting those away!" When she said that I felt offended. Didn't she know I only pile those blocks so that Harry can knock them down? And there was the Aha! I looked around the room at the clean living room and realized that was why I did any cleaning.
We don't clean up messes to have a clean house. We clean up messes so there is room for more mess!
Now I think of cleaning up after my kids as replacing a canvas. I do it with the thought that by giving them room again and a bare floor and organized toys to pick from I'm handing them the tools to write another mess onto our house. It's meant that at the end of a day, or sometimes a few days in a row, I just let the mess stay, because really, it's a work of art or a story. Maybe it isn't finished. Maybe it's too interesting to be gotten rid of so soon. It also clears up my feelings of resentment about doing the bulk of it. I like being the one to reset the house so that we all can live another, different mess the next day.
Anyway, thought I'd share since it's really helped me bring more joy into the housework!
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