i'll leave it for you to decide who the subject of the title of this blog post is, me or chana :-P
we've been briskly moving along these last couple of weeks, with chana doing her chazara and new pesukim and rashis. a few days we had to slow down because the pesukim were complicated, but then we hit a batch of simple ones. so it's been business as usual and with very little input from me, so there wasn't anything to write. chana's actually been deciding on her own to pick it up, so it hasn't even been on my head. i hadn't even thought about chumash and she decides to do it (except today she has a friend over. so i guess we'll do it this evening).
then we blasted through that whole bunch of pesukim, and i picked a pen up and underlined a bunch of rashis. i haven't counted them, but chana said it was 24 rashis. i don't know if that includes the ones she is in the middle of doing already. last night she went crazy about the amount.
she asked the usual questions: WHY? why do i need to do rashi?
you already told me i'm so good at it. why do i have to do more?
why do i have to do so many?
i feel like you are doing this because you hate me! (ok, that's not a question)
why do i have to do this? i hate rashi and i hate chumash!
since none of these rashis were particularly complicated, but clearly all of them together were overwhelming, i began to question myself. am i making her do too much? is this going to make her hate chumash and rashi forever?
i'm happy to say that i am finally an experienced homeschooler. this has happened before, many times. i've asked the questions and had these doubts and fears, many times.
i think the answer is:
maybe i am pushing too hard. maybe it is too much. but maybe it's fine. maybe pushing is what she needs.
maybe i'm making a mistake. maybe not doing it would be a mistake.
i have to just trust that this is a long term endeavor, and there is a lot of feedback (meaning if your child is complaining miserably, at length, over and over, you really ought to rethink how you're doing it). nothing is written in stone. you can always backtrack and try something new. maybe you will do it wrong. maybe you are doing it wrong. odds are, you are trying harder and care more than anyone else in the world, because it's your child. maybe you are pushing too hard or not enough. what are the chances of getting everything just right? do your best, be willing to be wrong, and trust in the longevity and freedom of homeschooling.
as far as practical, i think i may be erring on pushing chana too hard. with sarah i erred on pushing her not enough. there are and will be effects both ways.
i do, find, though, that if i continue to push chana too hard, the conflict lets me know that it's not a good idea. a little discomfort and a little unwillingness i understand. feeling like she's being tortured constantly is probably not beneficial. (though that scene from the original karate kid comes to mind--where he's being put to work and put to work pointlessly and fruitlessly and frustratingly, until the epic moment when it all clicks and he understands the purpose and he has skills.)
we'll see how it goes today.