Update ADHD

E's been on a low dose of immediate release medication for 2 weeks. No negative side effects. The change in his ability to focus is remarkable. Instead of running out of steam after 2 lines of Hebrew reading, he can read the entire bentching and most of Ashrei. His reading ability has improved. His ability to keep the information in his head is remarkably improved. He's able to get through more of shemona esrei. 

After 2 weeks, we were going to tell the doctor that he will take it only "as needed" (which is really "as wanted" in unschool). The neurologist wants him on it another 2 weeks to make sure there are no negative side effects. 

After that, the plan is that E can choose if he wants to take it or not. The idea was mainly for him to see that his brain works differently on medication and he has no need to feel like he's lazy because he has trouble focusing. If he wants to do complicated math or science or gemara in the future, he has this tool in his toolbox.

I'm going to do as much Hebrew reading as he's up for while he's on medication this month. He hasn't been taking it on Shabbos and he said he is still able to read better now that his reading has improved. (He can't read as long or as much, but his reading ability has improved and he can read more than 2 lines now, even unmedicated.) 

Within 3 years of college, we'll aim for psychoeducational testing so that if there is a learning disability he can get student services in college. (But at this juncture it's looking to me like it's just a focus issue.)

E says ADHD is not a big deal in his life right now so he doesn't need or want medication.

Time To Make ADHD Official

 I haven't been writing so much because as the boys get older, I'm becoming more aware of their privacy. I asked E his opinion about writing about this next step and he gave permission. 

Now that he's bar mitzva, he's been struggling to learn the davening (the entire year leading up to his bar mitzva was nowhere near enough time). The good news is that he doesn't feel like he's struggling. He just dislikes it and we don't do it much and it goes slowly. We do it 4x a week for under 5 minutes at a time. As I mentioned, this teeny amount of sitting results in that he doesn't have the bandwidth for mishna anymore.

I've really been unsure how to proceed. Is it the time to unschool and let him decide when to do it? I've always thought that eventually a child would be motivated and then it would come quickly. It seems to me there is a learning disability here, it's blocking motivation, and even if he is motivated, there will be no learning quickly.

At the same time, he does love to think and to learn, and the more I push and impose, the less energy, inclination and motivation he has for true and real-to-him learning.

On the other hand, this may be the kind of thing that when he grows up, he'll say to me, "Ma, I wish you would have pushed me a little more. Then I would know how to daven." <--That's something that usually unschoolers fret about and experienced unschoolers say is not a worry. Because a feature of unschooling is the confidence and experience that when you want to learn something, then you figure out how to learn it or you get help.

And yet, something is telling me that he's ready. He's ready for some nudging. And if this is not hard core unschooling, well, he's my oldest son and sometimes I'm just not deschooled enough and don't trust enough and maybe Torah is too important and maybe I'll relax after him and look back and say "I was too pushy and I could have had the trust and confidence to let it go."

I was walking with him on the beach and asking him what he likes to do and he said he'd like to learn coding but he thinks he's lazy.

That was kind of a shock because I don't believe that laziness actually exists. If a person wants to do something, they figure it out. If they don't do it, there are reasons. Conflicts. Difficulties. 

I asked him if he knows what neurodiversity means. He didn't. I explained that some people's brains work differently than most of the population. I said I'm not sure, but his might. That may be why he doesn't like to do certain types of work. Because it hurts his brain. That may not be the case, and if so we'll have to figure out how he can do learning that he wants but also doesn't want to do, if he chooses. But it's worth checking out if his brain is neurodiverse. He agreed.

I then looked into testing. The place we used for his older sibling is closed for covid now. And I also read that for special ed services in college (which Chen is making great use of and having a FANTASTIC college experience so far bh) he'll need to have been tested within 3 years of 18. So I'll hold off a few more years. In the meantime, though, I do think it's time to pursue the ADHD diagnosis to see if him having access to medication affects his ability to concentrate and do the type of learning he's interested in doing. Then we can test in a few years to see if he has any other learning disabilities.

Unschooling Math

 One of the bizarre things about unschooling is that the other day, when some of them earned some money, I was discussing ma'aser and asking them what 10% of their earnings would be, and they all got quiet and started thinking about it. 

They all had ideas about how to approach the calculation and they all knew something about percents. How? I'm not sure. It comes up.

And the other day, my youngest was staring at the clock and he explained to me a rather long and complicated process for telling the minute hand on analog. He said if you add a zero to the number and then divide it in half, that's the minutes. I did a few and sure enough, he was correct.

I find that with unschooling and with them playing all day and having the kind of slow paced life where there is time to daydream and they have unlimited video games and youtube, they end up pondering mathematical concepts in a way you just never have the time nor inclination to do with standard education.

9 Av 2020 Al Pi Darko Unschooling

I was debating whether or not to try to do something official with the boys. Generally in the afternoon, the older of us watch a thematic movie.

It turns out that I tried to engage one of the kids and conversation but he wasn't that receptive. But then another kid came in and he was interested and we watched a short video which led to a great discussion about what happened and a day of mourning, and the Titus Arch, and he was stunned that both Mikdashim were destroyed on (almost) the same day.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5vuoX09ryw&feature=youtu.be

There was a program on our block and one of the boys went to it.

And it turns out Ari had a good conversation about the purpose of Tisha B'Av with the very kid I had tried to engage and failed to. That kid had asked Ari about it and they had a good discussion.

So we kind of keep an eye out for opportunities to talk about it, throw some things out (strewing) and see if anyone is interested.

A negative effect

A negative side effect of Elazar reluctantly practicing reading is that he no longer likes to do Mishna.  He feels "overloaded" from the 5-10 minutes.  (I've actually skipped learning the meaning of his parsha with him this week [which I'd been doing 2x a week, reading out loud to him and translating 3 or so pesukim] since he's been so unhappy and complaining about learning.)

This is a feature that his older sister had, too.  I wonder if it's an aspect of ADHD that they run out of steam so quickly learning things that are difficult for their brains and need the rest of the day or actual days or weeks to recover.  Her motivation and determination improved with age (and medication) but the mental exhaustion remains about the same.

Update

It went terribly.  E hates reading the same thing over and over and refuses to self rate.  He is bored out of his mind and won't even read it to fluency.  He's been reading one line, with complaining, 5-6 times.  He does not achieve fluency level (reading as quickly as speaking).  I figure he would need 10-15 tries to do that and he doesn't want to.

I tried to coax him into giving it a week.  I said it's a method I read about; can't we try it out?  He finds it excruciating.  I don't know if I should stick it out or if I should just try to have him read more.  That, too, isn't going very successfully. 

It may come to him actually not being able at bar mitzva age to read fluently, because he's so vehemently opposed to it.

hebrew reading fluency

The goal: To be able to read as quickly as speaking

E is pretty accurate at this point.  (Kaf and chaf, pey and fey, he still confuses.  And he doesn't ever use a shva nach yet.)  But I want him to be able to read more fluently.  Reading more doesn't seem to be picking up his pace (I've been trying that for the last month) and he doesn't like to read so much at once.

My friend told me about R' Jonathan Rietti's method to increase speed and accuracy:

Read a sentence.
Self assess how fast it was (assuming accuracy and fluency are already in place) on a 1-5 scale. Then decide if you want to read it again aiming for faster speed.
And we’ve done that repeating the sentence 5-6 times and speed does pick and AND it picks up globally not just for that sentence, if you keep up with it and practice.

I'll let you know how it goes!