When Strangers Quiz Your Children

I just drove a half hour with my three boys in the back seat.  They got along pretty decently, no major fighting.  Lots of arguing and tussling.  Why don't regular cars come with that limo glass panel that slides open and closed so the driver can't hear what's going on in the back!! 

Last week, I took Jack (2nd/3rd grade) to an allergy doctor.  The doctor was a frum guy, and when he saw me speaking Hebrew to Jack, he spoke to him in Hebrew, too.  Happily, it was one of those situations where my kids actually understand Hebrew--he spoke with a strong American accent. 

Upon discovering that Jack was homeschooled, he proceeded to do what so many doctors have done--he began quizzing Jack about what he learns and knows.  Jack can actually read and do math somewhat on grade level--which has not always been the case with unschooling.  He hesitated about Chumash, and actually blanked on the question "Do you know how to say elephant in Hebrew?"  (It's so much easier to translate "pil" than to be asked to produce the Hebrew word...)

I let most of it play out, keeping a pleasant smile on my face.  Afterwards, I asked Jack how he liked the doctor (he's introverted, so the major achievement here was looking the doctor in the face and answering his questions in a decibel the doctor could actually hear) and Jack commented on how the doctor asked him so many questions.

And it's true, as a homeschooler, I've found that doctors often ask my children questions.  They want to "make sure" my kids are being educated.  Or maybe they are just curious.  And, since I unschool and the younger grades are frequently spent mostly playing, my kids very often don't know the answers.  I've sat there placidly as my children didn't know Judaic bekius, simple math problems, geography, history, science, you name it--and my kids have not known the answer to it.

The only time we had slight vindication was when Chana told the pediatrician she was planning to go to Japan in the summer and he asked, somewhat satirically, how her Japanese was.  And he was absolutely floored when she said, "Well, it's mediocre; not as good as I would like, but I hope that the trip will improve it."

I used to be incredibly stressed out when my kids were being quizzed.  I worried that they didn't know the answers.  I worried homeschooling was failing.  I worried they'd feel bad about themselves for not knowing.

As I got more confident about homeschooling, I trusted that it was OK that they didn't know the answers at age 10.  I also felt that if I didn't exude stress that they don't know the answers, the kids probably wouldn't be unduly disturbed that they don't know the answers.  (And the doctors always told them the answers, so it was kind of like having a mini homeschooling tutoring session thrown in for free in addition to the doctor appointment.)

America's Next Top Model and the sin of the Golden Calf

Doing the pesukim that Hashem is no longer going to "travel" with the Jews in their midst after cheyt haegel, but sending a messenger instead, because He will destroy the Jews because they are a stiff-necked people.  Chana didn't understand what that meant.

I explained using America's Next Top Model.  Let's say Tyra Banks is mentoring the girls.  Let's say they were being obnoxious and not listening to her advice and being stubborn and running amok.  So she decides to cancel the show and forget everything.

So then Moshe intervenes and asks her please to reconsider.  So instead, she kicks off the 2 worst offenders, but says she really can't mentor them herself because if they mess up like this again, she's going to just cancel the show.  Instead, she gives them a different mentor.  One who isn't as qualified or experienced.

know thyself

we just finished shlishi.  these last 6 pesukim were break your teeth kind of pesukim.  earlier in the day, i asked chana to review rishon (i know i was saving it for friday, but we were both sitting around).  she asked to do it at 1.  i said ok (it was about 12).  at 10 to 1 i reminded her that we were working at 1.  at 5 to 1 i reminded her.  at 1 i said, let's go.  she asked for 2 min.

i said, no, right now.  she thought we had negotiated that she could ask for 2 min.  i said only if i wasn't ready at the time she agreed to.  she tried to negotiate for 2 min, but i stood firm. 

she asked if instead of us doing chazara, i could just do milim.  so i did that, and she didn't know most of them, but often read the phrase around it in order to give her context, so we got a decent review even though she doesn't know a bunch of the words and i am running out of zitsfleisch to keep doing chazara.  i wonder how much of noach she remembers. 

patar did show up a lot and she remembered it :-)

then we zipped through the rashis.  they are all pretty simple.  there are 9 we are doing.  then break until 7:30ish.  it didn't take too long to do the new pesukim, but they were tough.  i think tomorrow i'll have her review all of shlishi.  maybe friday she'll review sheni.

oh, and in case anyone was wondering, chana and i ran out of steam after reading 3 perakim in english of the megila.  i think she's at the age where it is too long and too many details.  i think what i will do is find the condensed version of the megila that i do with the pesukim cut out and read it with her.  either i'll read it to her (though she is not all that auditory) or she'll read it out loud and maybe i'll translate it or we'll figure something out.  stay tuned.

also, i decided, after sitting down to read the little midrash says with her again, that it had a lot of details that were boring her, and so between that and the midrashim, i'm not going to buy it.

i kind of had this fantasy that with unschooling i could just leave them lying around and my kids would just pick them up and read them like my homeschooling neighbor down the block has with her son.  but i think i have to know myself and know my kids.  just like i don't do science projects no matter how simple and interesting they look, and i don't do crafts, and my kids don't do computer sites (at least not the girls), i have to accept that the best method i have found that works with me and my kids is for me to directly interact with them and teach them the pshat so i can tell exactly what level they are on and how much they are ready for and exactly how to present it.  there is a lot of mutual feedback going on and i have never found a substitute, which is why people try to talk to me about curricula or workbooks and i just found that there is nothing more efficient or more interesting to me and the kids except for us to do it together where i present the material in the best way i can see for them at that exact moment.  i have the same thing with math; it's easier for me to write problems for them than for me to follow a book, because there are never exactly the problems to work on the level of my kid as many as i need or exactly what i think they need to be working on.  so too with chumash and navi and megilla, i think it's best when i interact with them.  darn, because i kind of wanted them to go off and find it themselves and do it themselves, but they really learn best by being taught.  so i have to put in energy and engage them and keep it interesting.

which means when i fall down on the job, they don't learn.  kind of like when they ask me questions and instead of knowing the answer and being able to explain it to them in exactly the level they need, i say, "i don't know."  that's when unschooling falls down on the job.  i can't be lazy about being a resource for them.