question and answer from a homeschool perspective

This question was asked:

I also would like to know whether Elazar is still interested in chumash.I find that so many times my kids pick something up, do it in an intense way for a day ( or a week) and then it falls off the radar. Then I look up, and nobody is doing what they seemed so interested and ready to do.

I would like to answer it in two frameworks, as a homeschooler and as an unschooler, because I think the answer differs, depending.

As a homeschooler, I would say that very often young children (meaning under high school age) pick things up in an intense way for a day or a week and then don't follow through.

One possibility is that they are actually learning in these intense bursts.  Think of night and day, spring and winter.  There are intense times and fallow times.  The fallow times actually are times when there is unconscious processing or a gathering energy for an active time.  Many times I had students who would be so quick at reading and writing some weeks, and other weeks it would be like pulling teeth.  I learned to do extra during the bursts and just keep a bare minimum during the draggy times (or sometimes, perhaps, skip it and bring it up in a couple of weeks).  Working with the child's natural energy ended up being more efficient.

Another possibility is that they ran out of energy because it is more difficult than they anticipated.  The "fun" does not outweigh the "drudgework."

In this case, it's best to look on a case by case basis.  Is this something where you think the drudgework is worthwhile?  Will the child learn important self-discipline and follow-through?  Is this an important long term skill to have?  Is this work something I think is manageable for the child and s/he is capable of?  In that case, it is my responsibility to set up the follow through and help my child achieve those skills.

Is it just a project that s/he thought was going to be awesome and now it's not actually fun?  Did it cost me money?  Did s/he make an actual commitment?  If the only down side is that my kid seems to be a bit of a flake, I would let it go.  There are many opportunities where your child will have to follow through on commitments and responsibilities that he or she has made.  If you don't let him or her wiggle out of those, then they make great situations for practicing responsibility and follow through.

unschooling writing

Last night, before bed, Elazar pulled out a notebook and delightedly started writing lower case "i"s.  Then he remembered about alephs (I skip hebrew print writing--we only do recognition/reading for hebrew print and when they want to write I teach script and say, "This is how we write Hebrew"), and did those.  Then ב then ל, which he got a big kick out of.

I had actually been wondering why an unschooled child would ever write Hebrew.  Chana doesn't write much Hebrew, even though I occasionally have her write a story for practice.  Sarah's Hebrew writing was fairly dismal, though she caught up quickly when she went to school.  But it seems that Elazar is motivated and perhaps will indeed eventually want to learn all the script letters and will practice them enough to write.

how much of shemona esrei does she understand?

So I said to Chana (age 12), "We never finished going through the brachos in shemona esrei."  And she said, "That's okay, the siddur I'm using upstairs to daven with has them all written in English and I look at them every time I daven."

That in itself is nice to hear.  She takes some time during tefila to understand what she is saying.

I said I wanted to go through the shemona esrei with her and see how much she understands without it written in English.  I handed her the siddur and was happy to see how quickly she flipped to shemona esrei.

She remembered most of the brachos that we had done together.  She forgot "selach" until i said "selicha." Of the ones we hadn't done, she was able to pick out words she understood and figure out the main idea of most of them.  She thought "boneh yerushalayim" was children of yerushalayim until I emphasized "boneh" and she realized it was build.  She didn't know "modim" until I said "todah."
We didn't go through "elokai netzor."  Something for another time.  When we finished, she thanked me for helping her out.

relaxed homeschooling

Things I kind of let go over the summer and think about picking up again:

• Targum tefilla (never did finish shemona esrei)
• Hebrew writing (sentences, stories, essays)
• math
• Hebrew reading comp (of picture books that I have in the house) (I never even got started on that one to let it go)

How does this jive with unschooling?  I say, "Chana, I've been thinking that your Hebrew writing could use some practice.  What do you say?"  

or "Chana, we never finished going over the translation of Shemona esrei," and see what she says.

or "I'm curious how your Ivrit comprehension is.  Will you read a Hebrew book with me?"

It's not purist unschooling, whereby I wait until she wants to do it and does it herself, perhaps as an adult.  It's more like relaxed homeschooling, which is when you let the kids play and play and play and then one day you wake up and realize they're almost grown up so they probably can sit and work hard by now and also understand the rationale behind doing so, and you introduce certain skills you are panicking thinking they should know, and they amiably pick them up pretty quickly.  Because, after all, it is one on one and they are pretty old.  

Metaphors

Revi'i of Ki Sisa was completely frustrating to Chana.  She started out in a bad mood.  We had a bit of a time crunch today, with a lot going on.

The entire aliya is anthropomorphic, about Hashem's honor crossing over and His palms covering Moshe to protect him and showing His back but not His front.  Chana expressed frustration numerous times that she didn't understand it.  I attempted to explain basic pshat, and she got more frustrated.

And yet she does not want to sit through an explanation of the metaphor.

I often find that my kids have a lot more energy about the question than they do to find the answer.

I feel it's better to leave it as a question than to try to sit them down and give an answer.  Without an answer, the question will hopefully burn brightly in their hearts.  Maybe one day they will be motivated to search hard, and to work until they understand.

America's Next Top Model and the sin of the Golden Calf

Doing the pesukim that Hashem is no longer going to "travel" with the Jews in their midst after cheyt haegel, but sending a messenger instead, because He will destroy the Jews because they are a stiff-necked people.  Chana didn't understand what that meant.

I explained using America's Next Top Model.  Let's say Tyra Banks is mentoring the girls.  Let's say they were being obnoxious and not listening to her advice and being stubborn and running amok.  So she decides to cancel the show and forget everything.

So then Moshe intervenes and asks her please to reconsider.  So instead, she kicks off the 2 worst offenders, but says she really can't mentor them herself because if they mess up like this again, she's going to just cancel the show.  Instead, she gives them a different mentor.  One who isn't as qualified or experienced.

being a SAHM

I haven't read Lean In yet.  (I'm #42 out of 111 people requesting it from the library.)

I am a stay at home mom.  I also homeschool, which in this society gives me a little more credence.  But it's the stay at home mothering that I'm thinking about.

My 3yo is going through a rough patch.  He's having a lot of feelings and tantrums and it's been this way for months.  Every. Single. Day there is emotional upheaval and distress about how things are going and how life isn't how it's supposed to be.

Sometimes, I'm wonderful.  Sometimes I'm abusive.  Sometimes, I have clarity and calm and serenity and am a font of wisdom and intuition.  Sometimes, I can't see him because something in me is being triggered.

I consider it my sacred task as a mother to guide my children through their emotional development.  There are so many moments, every day, when this happens.  There are so many feelings and conflicts.

I consider it a privilege and a gift to be able to navigate this with them.  I consider it one of the most fundamental and important tasks in society: to be in charge of the enormous job of guiding young children through the journey of their feelings.  To provide them with boundaries.  To be a base of emotional security as they explore.

This is done in the thousands of moments we have together.  It's not quality time, it's quantity time.  Everything comes up.  We have opportunities and opportunities and opportunities to work on conflict resolution, anger management, self-awareness, acknowledgment of mistakes, repairing damage to relationships, creative problem solving, understanding and coping with our emotions... and the kids do, too.  ;-)

Good mothering is a major foundation of our children's emotional health.  I'm glad I get to practice it full time.  So many times during the day I think about how what is happening now and my reactions have an impact on how they relate to the world, their feelings, and future relationships.

I'm not sure why some people feel like staying at home with the children is not one of the most vital tasks we can do for them as individuals and for society at large.  (I am pro equal opportunity employment, in case you are wondering.)  Raising emotionally healthy children who can function happily in satisfying relationships and contribute their abilities and talents to the world are a gift to the children as individuals and a gift to humanity.