i didn't do rashi today or yesterday. i'm as crabby as usual because chana keeps procrastinating to the point where i get annoyed at her but chana isn't. she complains but not too much and it goes pretty quickly. i'm sorry she is lacking a general positive attitude towards the translating, though, because the story is pretty darn awesome. eliezer is davening for a girl. and chana is not enjoying it because she is busy telling me how much she hates translating. but for all her kvetching, her heart is not all that negative and it's more lip service and memory than actual difficulty today.

we did do a rashi outside because she asked why avraham needs to tell eliezer it's the Gd of the sky and the Gd of the land. i told her that rashi says Gd of sky ie Gd of everything and Gd of land ie that ppl know He is Gd.
but then she said, but why is avraham saying that? doesn't eliezer know that? um, yes. i think so.

i guess even in basic conversation avraham conveys ideas about hashem.

chana did not want to do chumash. understandable from yesterday. i said rishon we would just do milim. sheni is pretty short. we got through the milim pretty quickly. then we did sheni, which she needs review on the words since there are a decent amount that we need to go over, but overall we went through it quickly. then she said she didn't want to do any new pesukim. so i said just one. it went pretty easily, and she said, "let's do one more." (!!!!!) so we did.

rashi yesterday we only did one simple rashi. today we have to do rashi still. in my usual lament, i have not settled on how to do rashi and therefore am not delighted with how rashi has been going. maybe next year i'll get on that?

btw, why homeschoolers don't need to be tested!

it's been almost a week where chana had no chumash. so getting back into it has been a stretching exercise for her. elazar had playgroup at 9:30. chana does not like starting before 10. or before 10:30 for that matter. in fact, as i've mentioned, her ideal schedule is actually after 8pm. so i warned her before i left that we'd be doing it when i got back.

before we even started, she was whining. i told her to go sit down, w/o tv, and to come back when she's ready to not whine. she's starting with a negative attitude about how hard it will be.

i'm of two minds regarding this attitude. is it that i'm pushing her too hard, that i myself am often too tense, that it really is too much for her?

or is it that the work is tough. it requires effort and self-discipline. and chana prefers the easy road of not working those muscles?

today it seemed to me that it was the latter. i do rely heavily on intuition and self-reflection to determine the answer to issues like this.

i told her we were reviewing rishon, which still has quite a few words she needs to review, and i wanted to finish sheni. both pretty short. sheni had 5 new pesukim. with only 1 new word, and in the first pasuk of the 5.

chana whined and screamed a lot today. she kept saying she doesn't know it, and i would say she does. she accused me: you don't know what i know and what i don't know!
and i said that i do know what you know and what you don't know. i sit next to you every day and i know the words you know and the words you have trouble with and the words you will remember if you think about them and the words you did and the words we haven't done yet. (btw, why homeschoolers don't need to be tested!)

she later said, i thought you said we would stop if i screamed (and boy was she screaming).
and i answered, if i thought you were screaming from frustration because it is too hard for you, then i would stop. but this screaming is because you don't want to do it, not because it is too much for you. (i sensed that to be so. it's a different kind of edge when she's overwhelmed).
at this point, she lay on the floor and started yelling that her head hurt. she sometimes does get a headache from it being too hard. but today i just felt that it was a matter of not wanting to do it. so i pushed forward.

we finished sheni. we have yet to do rashi.

today was not a fun day, but we got it done. and i think i was right to push through it.

something to work on

and we finished amongst some crying and bad tempers. she kept ripping the plastic tablecloth (we were sitting at the table) in frustration and i got annoyed that for the 20th time she still has trouble with sadeh and ma'ara (field and cave). i should drill her or something except that many times i drilled don't really seem to work all that well. but i dislike about myself that i give her the impression that she is stupid or defective for not remembering it after a number of times. it's not like she's doing it on purpose. this is, i think, one of the nastiest and most insidious things that i do as a teacher. and i would hate it if a teacher in school did this to my child.

overall, though, i did manage to keep my voice fairly even keeled. perhaps i should have let it go for today. but would it really be better tomorrow? i have to change my attitude.

sometimes there are days like these

who is responsible for the snarling dynamic that sometimes ensues? me or chana? we had a half an hr to do maftir of vayera and rishon of chaye sorah. neither of them difficult. chana had eaten and had plenty of notice.

i get irritated that she whines and has a headache and eye pain, even though i know from yrs of education that this is a common ailment that afflicts children who feel that the work they are doing is too much for them. i am irritated that the pesukim we have been doing and doing are still not sticking in her memory. what can we do to "make" her remember??

my negative expressions and implied disappointment are surely horrible in terms of a pleasant learning atmosphere.

then i asked if she wanted a break. she said no, then yes. then she went back to the tv and elazar started crying because his show wasn't over. and i said never mind, let's do the 10 more min until his show is over. and she grew furious (i'm being inconsistent, aren't i? completely). and i sent her to timeout. neither of us feels good about how this went.

there is still rishon to do. and new pesukim. i have a wedding today. who knows if we will get to rishon. let alone rashi.

today has left a bad taste in my mouth. it is unfair that chana is feeling bad about her own loss of control, and about her inability to remember the words (which surely is not her fault), when i am the adult in this interaction.

chana noticed yesterday during chazara that hagar was wandering around in beer sheva before it was named beer sheva in the bris between avraham and avimelech. good catch.

regarding the efron-avraham dialogue, chana said: "he listened to him but he gave him money?" yep.

chana reviewed revi'i today which is VERY long. and pesukim in chaye sara.