Torah Home Education Conference 2016

My alarm beeped at 4:45am and I dragged myself out of bed.  We drove down and it took us about 3 hours.

I always look forward to the keynote address, and this year did not disappoint.  Yehudis Eagle, a homeschooler with decades of experience, spoke with the humor, modesty, and strength that I have come to associate with Torah home education.  I was so busy soaking it in that I unfortunately didn't take notes.  One point I remember is how she stressed how vital it is to have your child's input when crafting his or her schedule or learning plan.  And another point she made is that homeschooling is not under what our Sages have termed being "poresh from the tzibbur," separating from the Jewish community.  We are part of the Jewish community and there are many ways to make sure that we and our children view ourselves as part of the community.  When discussing the conflict we often have of knowing whether or not our child has a learning disability and when to push forward and when to give it more time, she reassured us that we can tell when our children are having learning difficulties.  She encouraged us to ask around, to gather information, to find resources.  She suggested offering the difficult subject (example: handwriting) every 6 months to a year, and if there was still tremendous resistance, to try again in a year or so.

I then went to the first session.  Homeschooling Reality vs. Fantasy by Ilana Gimpelevich.  I was really excited to hear this, especially because Ilana is a dear friend of mine, and I faithfully follow her blog, Breathing Space.
I couldn't stop laughing.  Ilana kept showing slides of how we imagine homeschooling is going to go, which she then contrasted with a slide of homeschooling reality.  I have been guilty of most of those fantasies.  (Except keeping chickens.  The only person I know personally who ever kept chickens is not a homeschooler.  And I did hatch chickens ten years ago, not at my own behest, when I was teaching someone else's children and she set up everything in my house.)  She talked about buying that expensive curriculum, about how the children will behave and want to learn and appreciate all the effort and amazing trips we plan for them.  She talked with wry wit about learning to read and overscheduling and feeding everyone. (One of my favorite lines: "Because who doesn't want their children to use a solder?!") She explained why even though we are home with the children ALL DAY we can't be on top of them and their messes or clean as they go.  She talked about flow and disrupting our flow and their flow and how the children are using the space of their home.  It was a talk that new homeschoolers could really appreciate, as she laid out all of the different illusions that we have about homeschooling, and a talk that I, a veteran homeschooler, could really relate to, remembering how I used to feel and how I still fall into those traps.  She talked about the importance of filling our own tanks.

For the first part of her talk, Ari went to hear the vendor talking about Mishna and Gemara learning, Bonayich.  Since I'm hopeful that will be his domain.  He said the boys are still not up to that.  He felt that Elazar is just barely on the cusp, in 3rd grade, and Elazar in particular is a few years behind "grade level expectation."  So we are still in "anticipatory mode" as far as official chinuch of the boys at this time.

The session I didn't get to hear was Teach Your Child How to Read by Elana Shalumov.  My kids are already reading and I'm a veteran.  Reading is one of the scariest prospects for new and prospective homeschoolers (I always tell the story about how for years after I taught my now 20yo how to read, I would look at her and marvel: "She can read! She can really read!  The homeschooling worked!") so it was great to have that included.

The next session I went to was Tamara Zuckerman.  I didn't hear the session by Linda Kane about helping all children succeed, which I think emphasized special needs homeschooling.

Tamara Zuckerman is from Canada and has 7 children.  She explained the complexities involved in homeschooling lots of ages.  She talked about how the morning tefilos ground her and review the fundamentals.  She inspired me to be more on top of making tefila a family activity rather than a personal activity that I try to snatch for myself before I engage with the family.  She talked about how her kids eat after 10am every day, and how she transitioned from a berating mentality of "We are getting started so late/We are lazy/I can't believe we aren't getting things done" to an embracing acceptance of "This is what works for our family/we will eat together, enjoy each other's company, and plan our day every day at this time."  I was surprised to learn that this scarf wearing princess was actually the matriarch of and participant in a serious rock climbing family.  She talked about how she partnered the children with each other to work together so that she could work one on one with a different child.

Two things that struck me while she was speaking.  Number one: Her husband does all limudei kodesh.  She is Montessori trained and does the secular studies.  So she was juggling all the children and the housework and the feeding, but not the full dual curriculum that a lot of Jewish Orthodox homeschoolers are struggling with.  Second: There is a rock climbing place 3 blocks from her house that her older children can walk to unaccompanied.  That is also huge--having the ability for the older kids to get out of the house while she is with the littles.  I was thinking that it is possible that in nearly every homeschool situation, there is going to be some type of "luck" like that which can hopefully give some "revach," some type of unusual benefit that is unique to your homeschool situation.

One person asked during the q&a how to build some time for herself when she has a 5, 3, and 1yo (I'm sure I got the ages wrong) and she feels "done" by 2PM?  The insightful answer that Tamara Zuckerman gave is that the one who asked the question already knows the answer: she needs to build some quiet time into her day at 1:45PM.  Be it enforcing quiet time with the kids (hahahahahaha) or hiring a babysitter for a couple of hours.  (This fits in with the book I read over Shabbos, Essentialism by Greg McKeown, which I'll write about if I get to it.)

Then lunch, which gave us plenty of time to network and chat. This conference was less attended than on previous years.

After lunch was one of the highlights of the day, and actually both my daughter and son-in-law (whom I coaxed to the conference)'s favorite speaker, Rebecca Masinter. She spoke about the kodesh quandary: skills or love of learning? This is the point at which I actually started taking notes. She said that in a subject like math, it's okay to push the skills and your child will know them and if your child ends up disliking the subject and not looking at it again when they are grown up, then fine. That is not the case with Torah. We want them to feel connected to it and love it. But we also want them to have the skills. She suggested we keep both these priorities in mind and be aware that sometimes there is tension between the two priorities. She emphasized that there are actually many, many subjects in Torah and even if they are not the "standard" order or subjects, look to find a sefer or subject that your child will relate to, even if it is not what is normally done.
 
It is important to separate your insecurities from what your child needs, and to be able to tell the difference and to make decisions based on what your child needs, not because you are freaking out that they need to progress or cover more. She listed many techniques she has used (while warning us that it doesn't mean she necessarily does them often or regularly, just that she has found them good). Maybe your child wants to learn with friends, and you can make a class. Timelines, copy work from Mishlei or Tehilim or Pirkei Avos, look up quotes that come up from literature or just in day to day life that are from Tanach and show your kids that these quotes are from our Torah. Make the chumash and Tanach and siddur your children's friend. Teach from it, know it, use it, hold it, be comfortable with those seforim. For resistant learners, less is more--do fewer pesukim. Let them take their time. Write only 3 words a day. Use easier workbooks--let the workbooks reinforce what they already know, instead of having them struggle through them.

Connect your children to the community, connect them to a Rav. Let them call and visit the Rabbi with their shailas. She emphasized the parents' role in mesora as educator of our children. Even if we feel we don't have so much Torah knowledge, we are the parent and it is our role in mesorah to teach our children. Don't be afraid to embrace the role of teacher, don't feel you have to approach Torah as a peer to your child just because you don't know so much Torah. You are psychologically their teacher in the mesorah.

Overall, I came away with a lot of practical tips and a sense of comfort that I'm not alone in fretting about my children's chinuch, and a sense of encouragement that homeschool chinuch is valuable and important and doable.

I missed the sessions on transitioning from school to homeschool and an eclectic approach to homeschooling.

Next was the homeschool kids panel, which is just about my favorite part of the conference. We can ask the homeschoolers anything and have them answer. (Our main questions which we all dance around: Will we screw you up and will you be miserable and unhappy and uneducated if we decide to homeschool? and Do you have any friends?) It's always a treat to see how poised these kids are and to hear their thoughts on homeschooling. Some of the themes that were in the answers were how much the children enjoy having so much time to pursue their interests; how much the children enjoy having input in what they learn; how they find what they are learning either extremely practical or extremely interesting. As someone who has attended more than one conference, I found it extremely interesting to see how the children answer the questions differently as they grow and mature. I also like to see veteran children and children new to the homeschool conference answer questions about academics, socialization, their passions, and their emotional development.

question: What do you wish would be different about homeschool?
answer: There should be more homeschoolers.

question: Do you think that homeschooling has contributed to your middos and personal growth?
answer: I think it has nothing to do with homeschooling; it has to do with parenting... Well, I guess parents have a lot more hours to parent if you are homeschooling.

Then Yael Aldrich, our wonderful conference coordinator, reminded us that homeschooling was the original way of being and that the yeshiva system was created when people felt they were no longer equipped to teach their own children. She said our new way of doing things is actually going back to the old way of doing things.

 
It was great seeing friends I've made at previous conferences and actually kept in touch with, and nice speaking with new people.

I missed the raffles and closing speeches because it's a long drive back to NY. I'm still happily using the mug I won last year.

I'm a Jewish homeschooler.  What's your superpower?

Like in all homeschool things, let not the perfect be the enemy of the good. There is a lot I missed and a lot of great points and deep thoughts and words of encouragement. If you are thinking about Torah home education or are in the beginning stages, or are a veteran for many years, it's a great experience to meet likeminded homeschoolers who care about Torah education.

torah homeschool conference 2014

I had an incredible time at the Jewish homeschooling conference.  Until last year, I resisted going, because I'm happy with our homeschooling decision, happy with our homeschooling, and a veteran homeschooler.

But I forgot how much chizuk it brings me.

Caveat: The meager points that I remember are but a fraction of the fantastic things that were said.

It was great to see Yael Aldrich again.  I only met her for the first time last year, but her positive energy and sense of humor is a delight to be around.

I really really loved last year's keynote speaker.  It was an incredibly moving and inspiring experience for me to hear someone talk and agree with everything she said about hashkafa (worldview) and education!  I was not disappointed this year, either.  Nechama Cox was funny, real, and encouraging as she spoke about her homeschooling experience and about homeschooling in general.  She had some great cartoons that enhanced her speech and had me laughing out loud.  My favorite was the one where the child figured out fractions 2 minutes after the mother dropped dead from frustration/exhaustion.  She talked about reasons people homeschool, about challenges, about camp, socialization, about having other people teaching our children.. She talked about being with our children during the best hours of the day, instead of rushing in the morning or exhausted in the evening.  I thoroughly enjoyed it and soaked in inspiration and chizuk.

The first session I had a real conflict.  I wanted to go hear R' Prero talk about chinuch.  I like that the conference always makes an effort to have sessions that delve into the meat and potatoes of Judaic Studies.  Many homeschoolers are intimidated by the chinuch aspect.  I have three boys on deck for chinuch, so I very much wanted to hear that session.  I heard afterwards that his session was excellent. However, I couldn't pass up the chance to hear Avivah Werner speak.  She skyped in from Israel.  And wow.  I couldn't wait to learn from someone who has been homeschooling for that many years and has that many children.  And it was wonderful.  She spoke about how the image that people present (and that we feel intimidated by) is not truly what is going on in people's homes.  She said when she has people at 8pm and her children are in bed and her house is neat, that is not the same thing as when you drop in unexpectedly and everyone is around and living their day.  She spoke about expectations and how we hurt ourselves (and our children) with them.  She amusingly told us about how she planned to have everything all organized and calm before this speech, and what actually ended up happening.  She spoke about taking care of ourselves.  She spoke about how when we feel resentful and say to our children, "You want this and you want that and I've been doing and doing and I haven't even had a chance to go to the bathroom or eat breakfast yet!" our children might say to us, "So Mommy, go to the bathroom and eat.  Just be nice!"  That they would rather have us take care of our needs and speak nicely to them, then sacrifice and ignore our needs to the point where we are grouchy and resentful.  She also made many other wise, wonderful, and deep points.

The next session I chose not to hear Yael Resnick because I heard her speak last year.  Marie Rosenthal spoke about Limudei Kodesh.  She was also excellent and inspiring.  (Do I keep saying inspiring?)  She spoke about our first priority being to instill a love for Torah and mitzvos, to be proud to be a Jew and keep the Torah.  Then she broke down chinuch into three categories: the love for being Jewish, the content of chinuch, and the skills of chinuch.  And how we have to think through our goals of chinuch, and think through what content we want our children to have, and what are the best ways to do that.  And what are our goals of skills, and what are the best ways to do that.  She explained when looking at different curricula, how there are underlying hashkafos (chassidus vs litvak, midrashic vs pshat, what age to begin learning gemara, etc) that are all considered legitimate orthodox Jewish educational approaches, and how once you've thought through your goals, you will find it easier to go through all the different materials out there that can satisfy your personal family chinuch needs and goals.  Marie is also a veteran homeschooler and her anecdotes were funny and educational.  Then she opened the floor for questions, and I had my own opinions of answers, and I was extremely interested to hear how she answered the questions.  She made the point that hiring a young 19 year old yeshiva bachur to tutor navi stories by acting them out with the kids via action figures is a lot cheaper than hiring a rebbe.  One person said that her son loved mishna but wasn't enjoying Chumash.  I would have been inclined to say so let him learn as much mishna as he wants.  But she very intelligently told the woman to change the approach she was taking to Chumash so that her son would enjoy it more by making it more analytical and question oriented.  It got me thinking about how both my girls really disliked Chumash and how perhaps I haven't been giving enough time to that enjoyable analytical approach.  Another woman asked about her reluctant learner and should she push him or should she leave it alone.  Again, I am inclined to suggest leaving it alone, but Marie suggested something that she called "skills 'lite,'" which means continue the curriculum but do it very very slowly.  So you are covering about half or even less than you intended.  So it is not overwhelming but there is still forward progress.  Her answers gave me a lot of food for thought.

After lunch was the teen panel.  We (Sarah and I) went to the conference mainly because Sarah was on the teen panel.  Also on the teen panel were two of Nechama Cox's children (she was the keynote speaker), her 12th grade son and 8th grade daughter.  And Yehudis Eagle's 6th grader.  I was blown away by the panel.  True, my daughter was one of them, so I am biased.  But I was completely charmed by the other panelists as well.  They were poised.  They were intelligent.  They were amusing.  They were everything you hope your children will become when you decide to homeschool.  I loved how each one answered the questions differently.  It was particularly fascinating to hear how the two Cox siblings answered the same questions differently.  When he spoke of sleepaway camp, he mentioned that he had to adjust to the oddity of a lot of rules designed for keeping tabs on people.  His sister spoke about how wonderful it was for making friends and how much she looks forward to it.  The funniest question to me was when someone asked the teens if there was anything they wished their parents had done differently, when I (personally) realized they were asking: was there anything your parents did that was so egregious that they screwed up so badly that you thought it was a horrible idea and had a really difficult time recovering from it?  I think we homeschooling parents are so petrified of the responsibility, we want to know if our grown children will be able to recover from our mistakes (I think the answer was that you don't have to worry so much!).  Another question was: Since your parents are special people, wouldn't you have basically turned out the same if you hadn't been homeschooled?  I think Toyam Cox eloquently answered that the sheer amount of hours spent with his parents, soaking in and learning from their special qualities, cannot be underestimated.

In the homeschooling husband's perspective (which I snuck into), some important points were: If you don't fully agree with the homeschooling decision, and a problem or an issue comes up, it's not a solution to say, "So send them to school."  Try to brainstorm within the framework of the decision you made to give it a chance, or you are constantly undermining it.  Another point: when your husband walks in from a long day at work is not the time to pounce on him with all your stresses and complaints.  Yael Aldrich's husband told about how when he was in charge of making Shabbos and having all the kids and homeschooling while his wife was away, he got a much clearer understanding of what she was coping with.   Also discussed was the breakdown of responsibilities in the household, childcare, teaching, and housework, and how to manage participating in their children's education when they have full time jobs.  I wish my husband would have been there, since I think he has a lot to contribute to these discussions.  The panelists were excellent and it was great to hear their perspectives, as well as to hear from many fathers in the room.  I don't often get to hear what men think about homeschooling.

I didn't go to the sessions on preschool homeschooling, or special educatation, or technology, or workbox education.  I particularly regret missing Yehudis Eagle's speech, especially as I have a middle schooler, but mostly because I want to hear anything she has to say since she has such vast experience and perspective.

The experts panel was also wonderful.  I think for me the most impactful point that was made there was when someone asked how long the academic part of the school day takes.  The most structured and academically intense option was... for 12th grade: four hours (!!!).  Everyone agreed that a first grader can easily get through all the work in maximum 1.5 hours.

jewish homeschool conference

This Shabbos we went to the orthodox Jewish homeschool conference.  This was the 5th year they had it, and the first year we went.  The trip took us 6.5 hours from NY (traffic on Memorial Day  weekend).

We stayed by a lovely family who did not know us, set up by a volunteer who did not know us.  For those people who are considering homeschooling or are about to embark on homeschooling, I strongly recommend going to the conference.  I've been homeschooling for 14 or so years, so I wasn't feeling a need for support for my decision, but it was lovely seeing so many orthodox jewish homeschoolers.  I didn't get to speak to nearly as many people as I would have liked to.  Each family has their own story, their own journey, their own thoughts.  And yet everyone has an allegiance to Torah.

Rebecca Masinter, the keynote speaker, was so inspiring.  Like I said, I've been homeschooling for a long time, so I wasn't expecting the rush of joy and delight that swept over me as I heard her speak. Everything she said about our values, our long term goals, our Torah, our children, I felt: "yes, yes, YES!"  I guess I don't meet a lot of people whose values and goals resonate so strongly with my own.  Her speech had humor, wonderful examples and stories from her family, and was so beautifully peppered with pesukim and meforshim that I want to look up myself.  (I should have taken notes, because I remember there was a Malbim, possibly on tehilim but maybe it was r' hirsch on tehillim and malbim on mishlei?  i should have taken notes! I haven't read the notes in the binder from the conference--maybe they are in there.)

Backtracking a little, we didn't make the Friday night oneg.  I would have really liked to meet the Coxes.  I noticed numerous Cox nametags behind the scenes all day, making sure tech things were running smoothly.  There seemed to be older kids, and it's always interesting to see older homeschoolers to see how the grand homeschool experiment turns out ;-)
We traveled with our whole family to the conference.  This is a tough choice.  It's tough to find babysitting for 5, 3, and 2 yo rambunctious boys.  On the other hand, although I'm mostly managing to stay afloat with the boys, I find it difficult to do just about anything else.  It's tough to speak to people (over the course of Shabbos) when we really need to give attention to the boys.  And over Shabbos, we had 3 travelworn, overtired boys.  One of them gets especially destructive when he's tired, one of them cries loudly for hours and hours, and one of them just has tantrums (that's the easiest to cope with).  We learned that we must bring Mr. Clean's magic eraser everywhere we go.  So the oneg Friday night was out, the park meetup was difficult (though still worthwhile and lovely), and my husband and daughter went to the shaleshudis while the rest of us went home for bedtime.  I met one person who brought her mother along for babysitting.  That's a great thing to do, if you can!  My 5yo did fantastically in the babysitting for the conference.  He had a great time playing and playing and playing with Jewish boys and counselors.  My 3 and 2 yo had it tougher.  There was a really long lunch break where they both fell asleep on my husband.  So that worked out well.  And my younger daughter did babysitting so they had a familiar face.  I commented on the irony that there is childcare at the conference, when most homeschooled children are not used to being away from their mommies at all.  It was wonderful that childcare was an option, and even with the littles coming upstairs numerous times for some mommy fix, it was marvelous.

I went to Rabbi Hayman's session about skills based torah shebaal peh.  I enjoyed it very much.  Unfortunately, he thought he had 40 minutes more than he actually had, so we didn't get to see the 2nd half of his planned presentation, where he was going to walk us through some samples of how his method works.
He made numerous good points.  He said that 70% of kids who come to Israel to learn post-high school from the U.S. can't make a leining (in a gemara or in chumash/mefarshim).  He said that for a long time, gemara was for the elite 10-15%.  He made an excellent point that the mishna in pirkei avos "5 yo to mikra, 10 for mishna, 15 for gemara" was stated over 100 years before the mishna was written down, and obviously 500yrs before the gemara was written down.  So what exactly kind of learning was supposed to go on at those ages?  He had a theory (4 stages: reading learning, review or repetition based learning, learning fact statements of tannaitic literature, and then shakla v'tarya conceptual thinking) and a method of teaching skills based on that.  He also had a CD where a student can self learn the tanaim and amoraim and their relationships and histories.  He also offered a 20 hour training course in how to teach gemara skills.  He got me thinking about how I might go about teaching my boys aramaic.  I was sorry that I didn't get to see him demonstrate it.  The books were available to peruse, but I couldn't see specifically the method of teaching the skills.

I found this one of the most valuable aspects of the conference.  Although I myself have decent skills and i'm an intuitive educator, many people feel very much at sea and very nervous about teaching Judaic studies skills.  To offer what basically amounts to a teacher's training program option is a wonderful thing.  Additionally, the vendor section (which was open during lunch) was extremely useful.  If you know me, you know I don't use workbooks.  But for those who would like a curriculum and guidance, there were a lot of options and things to look at.

I went to Yael Resnick's session.  She gave many useful examples of how to make learning part of life.  She introduced her "in the works" method for teaching ivrit.  She said she is looking for beta testers, which is a wonderful opportunity for people who are looking to try out a fun way to get their children to speak ivrit.
I've heard of her husband's website and it was great to see her in person.

Then we went to the moderated shmooze, which really only had time for everyone to introduce themselves.  I loved hearing about all the different situations.

After lunch, I got to hear Robin Alberg talking about mother meltdown.  I cracked up numerous times during her presentation.  I was happy to hear her make the important point about depression, and dark thoughts.  And to impress how strongly physical health should be a priority.  The second half of her speech was devoted to a discussion of practical solutions to the challenges that beset homeschool moms, like how to handle the laundry.  Frankly, I'm still not sure how she manages to do everything she does AND teach her kids.  But her main point was to keep searching and trying different things until you find what works for you.

We left after my presentation, and even leaving that early we got home after 10pm.

My speech was at the same time as Yael Aldrich's, and I was very sorry to not hear her speak.  She spoke about the classical model of education, which is very structured and a method that many homeschoolers use.  It calls for teaching topics 3 times, at a young age, at an intermediate age, and at a young adult age, all through a specific "classical" lens, spiraling out and increasing depth and understanding with each phase.  I hope to listen to it online and see how she explains how to do that with limudei kodesh.  She is warm and friendly, and currently lives in Japan, and immediately extended a generous invitation to send Chana there when I mentioned how fascinated Chana is with Japan.  Perhaps we can save up and send her in a few years time.  What a marvelous opportunity, to have my daughter go to a foreign country and know that there is a family to take care of her there!

I had a great time speaking.  This was the very first time I spoke about homeschooling or unschooling, and I simply did not have nearly enough time to make the points I wanted to make.  Afterwards, my mind was racing with all the things I wish I would have said.  (Luckily, I have a blog.)  I also did not have enough time for questions and answers, and I was feeling rushed and did not have the time to devote to properly and thoroughly answer the questions.  Also, I feel like I never really addressed the main issue: Is unschooling limudei kodesh an oxymoron?  Is having an agenda about what you want your child to learn (ie Torah) antithetical to the theory of unschooling, which is essentially letting go of a preconceived idea of what or how children should learn and instead see what emerges.