tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301845215340975827.post304513490830608880..comments2023-11-02T01:41:40.659-07:00Comments on homeschool chumash: bullies2buddies experimentationarijesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04054624664476807741noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301845215340975827.post-57696973308325670312012-08-17T09:55:50.578-07:002012-08-17T09:55:50.578-07:00for an older child, i highly recommend going throu...for an older child, i highly recommend going through the material that bullies2buddies prepares specially for children. it discusses with the victim how to navigate being bullied. how to handle teasing, nasty comments, physical and psychological torture and abuse. i didn't get into it in my post, but he has some very interesting theories about how to handle it from the standpoint of the victim, instead of trying to stamp out aggression, which is the current fad. he explains how the aggressor and the victim are engaged in a game. he explains to the victim the rules of the game and how the victim can win. <br /><br />again, one of my questions is: is it damaging to the victim to not intervene.<br /><br />however, i think bullies2buddies gives a good alternative to intervention between the siblings, and that is to help the victim handle it. in the parent guide, there are sample interactions of when the victim comes to you, and how you can help him or her navigate the abuse.arijesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04054624664476807741noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301845215340975827.post-48827349817664486792012-08-17T09:13:13.634-07:002012-08-17T09:13:13.634-07:00what about verbal abuse? Screams: I will kill you,...what about verbal abuse? Screams: I will kill you, by the perpetrator, knowing that the other sibling will be extremely upset? Mean pinching, which, while does not draw blood, does leave a mark? Extreme teasing? Screaming at each other on top of their lungs?<br /><br />I am thinking about slightly older kids, and psychological damage; many years later, you were so mean to me, and mom did not do anything! Or, you were always manipulating me into things, and nobody took my side!<br /><br />(I remember pulling some of those on my sister, as a dominance and a prank, but she was seriously hurt, and NOBODY interfered).<br /><br />Maybe this is meant just for physical tussles between smaller kids.breathingspacehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08660982658933603531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301845215340975827.post-86226794803613578582012-08-17T09:02:45.566-07:002012-08-17T09:02:45.566-07:00Good point. One fascinating tidbit I picked up fr...Good point. One fascinating tidbit I picked up from Playful Parenting (by Larry Cohen) is that frequent roughhousing with the children, where I am the adult and can handle more force, and when I do say "ouch" and get upset when they are too forceful, gives them a lot of practice gauging exactly how much force they can use. I have definitely seen this with my 5 yr old, who is, after a fairly short learning curve, able to pull my hair or hit or pinch or punch with just enough force to get a mild yelp out of me, but not too much that I get irritated.<br /><br />I don't really have sharp objects and such lying around, because the entire environment is heavily childproofed (which I recommend strongly). I do think that if they are trusted, under supervision, to explore their environment, they get a strong sense of cause and effect without too much harm being done (but that's another post).<br /><br />I am NOT discussing situations of sibling rivalry where a child does not have a sense of impulse control and WILL seriously harm (ie draw blood or leave a bruise) if not stopped. I don't have enough experience to discuss that. I am only talking about basic tousling that most parents, myself included, are inclined to step in and intervene, when it is perhaps unnecessary.<br /><br />This does not mean to not be aware of the interactions going on. It means don't necessarily stop them from fighting it out. Observe what happens. Maybe it won't be as bad as you think. Maybe they are capable of navigating through it.<br /><br />If my kids were scuffling by the stairs, I might say, "Guys, you are next to the stairs.."<br /><br />Small toys and plastic bags can be choked on. According to bullies2buddies, many (most?) of the sibling interactions are not harmful, and our intervention is making it worse. In our quest to prevent any and all aggressive behavior, we remove many of the tools that evenly matched children use to mildly assert themselves.<br /><br />Most children, even when miscalculating the situation, will probably hurt their sibling more than they intended, but still not seriously. I still recall the time my sister lay in wait behind the doorway and attacked me with a pool cue.. no serious damage, though it hurt. And the time I threw a block at her (planning to hit her chest) and it hit her glasses and broke them--unintended consequence and my parents were angry, but no serious damage. Or the family joke about the time I was asked why I hit her in the stomach, and I said that I meant to hit her in the back, but she turned around. That was laughed at, but the fact is being hit in the stomach hurts a LOT more than being hit in the back, and that was my intention. No serious damage, though.arijesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04054624664476807741noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301845215340975827.post-1985640714525882722012-08-17T08:42:01.001-07:002012-08-17T08:42:01.001-07:00Do you get worried that one of your kids will unde...Do you get worried that one of your kids will underestimate or miscalculate the situation and cause serious harm? For example push someone into a sharp object or hit with something dangerous or in a dangerous place or push someone off of a high place etc..? <br /><br />The thing that strikes me is that you seem to have trust that a 2.5 year old can accurately assess the danger of how he is fighting and the potential harm and danger of the situation. Were always worried about keeping kids from small toys or plastic bags because we don't expect them to know what's safe or not so how is letting them fight different? <br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com